Let's say I have this employee who is also a blogger. For the sake of anonymity, I'll refer to this person as Shmitt*.

Shmitt is suffering from severe PMS right now. How do I know? Simple:

Shmitt enters the office.

"Good morning!" I say cheerfully.

"Fuck off. I will carve out your eyeballs and pop them like grapes!" she snarls.

"You look nice today."

"You're such a mealymouthed little fucker – don't patronize me or I will tie your balls around your neck and drown you in your toilet!"

"Is there anything I can do for you to make you feel better?"

"Yeah, you can stop fucking looking at me with those beady little eyes of yours. I'm about a half second from slicing your face into strips, cooking them like bacon and eating them! Go in your office and don't you dare say another word or I swear to fucking God I will set your pubes on fire and then piss on them to put it out. I will rip out your tongue and stick it up your ass, then put it back in your mouth. I will smack you so hard that the world ends in the year 2084. I will put both my feet up your ass, dance a hoedown, and then drive a Zamboni in there. I will carve my initials into your forehead and brand my name to your cheek. I will go back in time, get your father to impregnate me instead of your mother with you, and then have you aborted. I will tweeze your entire nutsack and then superglue the hair to your palms. I will send this whole fucking planet into the sun. I will bleach your hair, slap you until you're pink, and call you Albino Boy. I will deep-freeze your body and stick you to a metal pole. I will reach down your throat, rip out your soul, and replace it with Celine Dion's. I will sell your family into white slavery, your kidneys on the black market, your hair to a pubic wig company, and your toys to a little boy who likes to blow things up."

"Okay, okay . . . I'm sor-"

"WRAAARARAARARARAAGGGHHHHHHARARAGAHHHGHGAGAR!!!!"

If nobody hears from me over the next 24 hours, please call the Army to come save me.

* This is an entirely fictional account, and any reference to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Shmitt has actually been very nice and awesome over the last two days, and I'm not just saying that because she's got me in a headlock and is repeatedly punching me in the groin.