I've realized that I'm afraid of bad smells.

If someone tells me "Oh God I'm so stinky right now! I need to shower!" I will instinctively hold my breath around then and try not to inhale within a ten-foot radius of them.

If they were to say, "Hey, come smell this shirt and tell me if it smells bad to you," I'll say no. I really don't want to be the final arbiter of what's stinky or not. If you think it smells bad, then it probably does. Even if it doesn't, I don't want to risk it!

Even if somebody were to say, "No, I'm clean. See? I smell nice!" and tried to get me to smell their armpit or neck or something, I'll resist very strongly. Because what if they're wrong?

Maybe this is more common than I realize. To try to gauge it, I've come up with a simple test. Here are 7 questions – answer them in the comments and I can see if this is normal or just another eccentricity.

1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.
B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm's length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.
C. Inhale deeply, then open the bag to try to see what it is that smells so bad.
D. Make someone else do it.

2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it's the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.
B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm's length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.
C. Inhale deeply and drink in the trash aroma.
D. Make someone else do it.

3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it's stinky. Do you:
A. Breathe normally and just curse them.
B. Inhale deeply to see if you can figure out what they ate.
C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.
D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

4. Same as question 3, except it's not stinky. You're just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
A. Breathe normally and just curse them.
B. Inhale deeply to see if you can figure out what they ate.
C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.
D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you're carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
A. Hold your breath and hold the basket out at arms length?
B. Inhale deeply to see if each piece really needs to be washed.
C. Breathe normally.
D. Make someone else do it.

6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
A. Smell it first to see if it's good.
B. Dump it while holding your breath and running hot water and soap.
C. Breathe normally and pour it down the drain.
D. Leave it in the fridge until it's solid, then toss it in the trash without opening it at all.

7. You're visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, "Looks like someone made a poopie!" Do you:
A. Decide that you've overstayed your welcome and leave.
B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.
C. Go pick the baby up, smell his butt and say, "Yup! Sure does!"
D. Offer to help change the baby.

So, let's see if any of you guys are also smellophobic!

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