Tag Archives: RESC10

Categorically Uncategorized

I wonder if I committed a felony last night?

For 14 days, I tried to play Grand Theft Auto IV unsuccessfully. The game wouldn’t load, or I kept getting this obnoxious “RESC10″ error and all I kept reading on gtaforums was that the idiots at Rockstar were working on a patch.

While the concept of releasing a product that is incapable of being played on 50% of the machines out there, especially the higher end ones, is abominable, I didn’t return the game for a refund. I waited for the patch. And waited. And almost gave up.

At long last, on Monday, the patch was released. I installed it and rebooted my computer. As I waited for my computer to restart, I told my employees not to expect to be able to talk to me for a while, plugged in my headphones, and got ready.

“Fatal Error (RESC10 = Video out of memory)”

It took a lot of willpower not to pick my computer up and throw it out the nearest window. Instead, I started poring through different forums and reading what everyone was trying. Editing the command line parameters for loading the game, downloading strange registry-altering software, buying a new video card – I contemplated them all and actually tried some of the attempts that I was positive wouldn’t fry my computer.

I swear that when I actually found the combination that worked, a light from the heavens shined down on my computer and I heard angels sing. I could finally play GTA IV!

Yesterday, I played pretty much non-stop from 9 AM until 8 PM, at which point hunger necessitated a run out to get food.

After spending almost 12 hours driving at top-speed in a fully-immersible, extremely realistic environment without any physical repercussions to actions like smashing into other cars, driving over pedestrians, and driving in the oncoming traffic lane for fun, I got in the car to go to a restaurant.

Without getting too specific, let’s just say that speeding was the least of the moving violations I actively and happily performed last night. In a distance of less than a mile, I’d say that I probably broke about six or seven laws and had I gotten pulled over, I cannot say with any certainty that I wouldn’t have led them on a high-speed chase just for fun.

Maybe I was better off when the game didn’t work.

Captain Rantypants Featured Image

All I wanted was to kill a few hookers

Dear Rockstar Games,

I am an ardent fan of your Grand Theft Auto games. My favorite, Vice City, still keeps me entertained on those cold, lonely nights. I will roam the cities you have created for hours, picking up prostitutes, killing cops and criminals and civilians and generally sowing mass hysteria, whether it’s with a minigun, a rocket launcher, or a good old fashioned chainsaw.

The previews for your newest release, Grand Theft Auto IV, were oh so pretty. I had to have it! But no, you like to tease those of us superior gamers who use computers instead of consoles. I glared angrily at people who bought it for the PS3 or the Xbox and waited for the PC version to come out. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Finally, the day was here! I sat by the mailbox eagerly until the UPS man arrived. Tearing the package open, I was giddy with anticipation of a night of murder and mayhem. I installed the game, choosing to ignore the horrible DRM and requirements of restrictive registration and activation, and prepared for nirvana.

Yet, here I am, four hours later, writing a blog post instead. Why would that be? Oh, maybe because Rockstar Games is one of the shittiest companies on Earth? Why would you release a game that is so buggy that fully half of the people who bought it CANNOT GET IT TO PLAY? Can you imagine if GE made a stove that didn’t actually heat, and then had to send out a repairman with a new part to every single home that had to be installed first? Or what if you ordered a pizza from Domino’s but they didn’t include the sauce, and you had to wait on hold for an hour to get someone to give you a coupon to get sauce next time? Would either of those companies still be in business? Fuck no. And neither should you.

You motherfucking impotent ass-faced nut-chomping four-flushing shit-eating jizz-mopping spineless cunty oozing sores of humanity can get your pathetic worthless bung-munching pimple-squeezing crackhead incontinent asses in line to lick my sweaty, hairy, salty taint.

Sincerely,

Adam Heath Avitable