Here's a good one about the end of the year. Thanks to Robin.
Did you kiss anyone?
All year long? I kissed my wife, my mother, my dog, my other wife, the pool guy, my grandmother, and my right hand painted to look like Avril Lavigne.
Did you date anyone?
I did not. I ate someone, though.
Are you going to have someone to kiss when the ball drops?
My other ball dropped when I was 12.
Did you lose any friends?
Unfortunately. But I found a nickel!
Did you gain any friends?
I'd like to think so. Nobody's a real friend until they've emailed me pictures of their boobs, though.
Did you do something new?
I stopped using rubbing alcohol as lubrication when I masturbate. The tears have finally stopped.
Did anyone important to you die?
My Nana.
Did you change?
I think I'm the same person I was a year ago. Well, except for the hump. That's gone.
Are you happy with the year over all?
2007 was a very stressful year, but overall, I think it went okay. Any year without any arrests or warrants is a good year in my book.
What's the best thing that happened to you?
I already told you – I found a nickel!
Did you fall in or out of love?
I was already in love. I did fall in a pool, though.
Are you happy the year’s almost over?
Yeah, I'm ready to start a new year, older, smarter, and wiser, and three inches longer.
Are you going to change something about yourself next year?
Stop lying about my four-foot long penis.
Do you think 2008 will be a better year then 2007?
I know it.
Did you lose your virginity in 2007?
Only anally.
How many things did you screw up in 2007?
I shouldn't have told Jamie Lynn Spears that I was infertile.
Did you go to an amusement park?
I'm legally prohibited from being within 100 yards of any location or business where children may congregate.
Did you lie to your parents?
My mother's Irish Catholic. She can smell a lie from halfway across the country.
Did you get into a fight?
It was me, a pillow, and four high school cheerleaders. Feathers were flying everywhere. It was a massacre.
Did you leave the country?
Well, I went to Kentucky. That's like a whole 'nother world there.
Did anyone in your family get married?
My wife and I get a divorce and re-marry every year. It's romantic.
Do you think you grew?
I've grown into a nicer, gentler person this year. Compared to Hitler.
Did you sing to anyone?
The only person I sing to is my wife, and that's only because she's deaf in one ear and can't hear out the other.
What did you drink and eat the most?
Diet Coke and bacon cheeseburgers. And dolphin vagina.
Are you going to make a new year's resolution?
I'm going to stop censoring myself on my blog. I don't want it to be G-rated anymore.
Did you stick to your new year's resolution from last year?
Avril Lavigne hasn't been kidnapped and made my bride yet, has she?
