Posts Tagged ‘rules’

My rules of blogging

Friday, September 18th, 2009
  1. I try to reply to every comment I receive, even if it takes me a few days.
  2. The 100th comment is just as important to me as the first.
  3. I have too many blogs in my reader to read every day, but I try.
  4. I don't read blogs written by people who don't read me.
  5. I never say anything online that I wouldn't say live.
  6. I never censor comments unless they are spam.
  7. I comment on your blog when I have something to say, not because you commented on mine.
  8. I will not comment on your blog post via Twitter or Facebook.
  9. I subscribe to comments on every post on which I comment if that function's available.
  10. The sense of community I get from blogging and the subsequent comments that occur is the reason that I do it.
  11. I will post something every day of the week.
  12. Funny trumps all. [stolen from Britt]
  13. I will never be afraid to comment on a new blog because my opinion is just as important or unimportant as the next commenter.
  14. "Commenter" is a fucking word, dammit, no matter what spell-check says.
  15. My blog is mainly a persona – it is one aspect of my personality exaggerated for the purpose of comedy. I do not define myself by my blog and neither should you.
  16. Lurkers frustrate me because I think everyone has something valuable to say at some point and I know that I might be missing out on a good blog because someone doesn't take the time to comment at least once. I try to comment on all the blogs in my reader at least once or twice so that they know that I'm reading.
  17. I stand by my words completely. If I say something wrong, I'll admit it; otherwise, I'll defend what I write.
  18. I don't respect people who comment anonymously (with the exception of my confession post) because if they don't believe in their words enough to identify themselves (even if it's with their blog pseudonym) why should I put any weight in what they have to say?
  19. I dislike Pay Per Post and think that it cheapens blogging. I understand why it exists, but I just don't like it.
  20. It's just as important to support a blogger when he or she is happy as when he or she is sad.
  21. A blogger can become a friend just as easily as someone close to you geographically.
  22. I use proper spelling and grammar because I care about what I'm writing.
  23. If I become more worried about my stats than what I write, I will stop blogging.
Halloween note time!

The raffle is still open, for one more week. We need to sell 60 tickets (at $7 each) before someone can win a free plane ticket to come to Orlando for the party! Even if you aren't going to come, you can buy a ticket and sponsor someone, or maybe you'll win a free T-shirt! You know you have $7 just burning a hole in your Paypal account that you want to use. It's calling out to you. "Spend meeee," it says, "Raffffleeee tickettttt." Listen to your money. It knows what's best for you.

Go here to buy your raffle ticket now!

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Posted in Avitable Gives Advice, Partay | 206 Comments »

Avitable's rules for life

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

I've had this post idea from a post by Tracy in my drafts for a long time. Simply put, she came up with her rules for life. And now here are mine:

1. The world needs garbage men and house cleaners. It's not classism or economic discrimination to pay people to do jobs that you wouldn't do. It's how the world works.

2. Everyone has an infinite capacity to love, and you will never run out of love for one person by loving another.

3. Once you realize that I'm almost always right, and that I've thought of everything, things will be much easier for all of us.

4. There's no such thing as putting too much effort into proving a point.

5. Funny trumps all.

6. Everyone will disappoint you at least once in your life. Forgive them. It's when it becomes a habit that you need to cut them out of your life.

7. Controlling your situation is the best way to make sure that you're not caught unawares. "Winging it" is a good way to make sure that you end up looking like an idiot.

8. Words only have as much power as you give them. If you ignore them, they will lose all effectiveness.

9. No matter how bad things are for you, there's always someone else out there who is worse. Look for the positive aspects first.

What are your rules for life?

(Once again, no radio show tonight. We're still trying to recover!)

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Posted in General, Uncategorized | 112 Comments »

Let's talk about theme park etiquette

Monday, November 24th, 2008

Most people who go to theme parks would talk about all of the fun they had and post pictures they took of each other and the attractions and everybody would laugh and tralala. Not me!

Yesterday I got the chance to go to Disney's Animal Kingdom for free (thanks Carolina!) so we spent the better half of the day there. And what happened during that trip that struck me the most? Was it seeing the gorillas run around? Photographing the rhino that stood a foot from our car? Theorizing why the gibbons don't fabricate makeshift boats to escape from their island? Nope.

I was, yet again, struck by the sheer rudeness, cluelessness, and stupidity of most people on Earth. And, as the self-proclaimed King of the Internet, I decided I would create a list of rules for proper theme park etiquette that everyone should follow:

1. Don't interrupt the flow of traffic

When there are literally throngs of people simultaneously trying to reach their individual destinations, DO NOT abruptly stop in the middle of the path to look at your map, text on your phone, adjust the stroller, take a photo, talk to your spouse, or just pick your nose. I will punch you in the back of your fat fucking square-shaped mushroom of a head. If you need to stop for any reason, just walk to the side and stop there. That will prevent you from affecting and angering the thousand other people who are all trying to use the exact same path.

2. Don't block the only entrance or exit

Hey, sniveling retard. You might really need to talk to your mom, however, don't stop in the middle of a doorway that is the only way in or out of a building to have an in-depth conversation. Instead, do you think you could try to make the effort to take TWO GODDAMN STEPS BACKWARDS OR FORWARDS?

3. Use your kid leash wisely

Here's a hint for you thickheaded idiots out there who might do this. Putting your child on one of those leashes is good – it allows you to maintain control and you don't really have to be a good parent because you know your kid isn't going anywhere. Good for you. However, sitting at a bench on one side of a path and letting your little shithead run to the other side WHILE ATTACHED TO THE COCKSUCKING LEASH means that (a) someone will have to stop walking to wait for you to rein in your evil spawn, (b) someone will trip over the leash, which will make your child fall to the ground and crack his or her head open, or (c) I will stab you in your eyes with my pen.

4. Find a good spot for your photography

Douchebucket with the thousand-dollar camera: Positioning your entire family up against a wall, and then walking backwards without looking where you're going until you find a spot where you can fit in the whole scene is a great way to take a nice high-quality photo that will be a lasting memory of your family's trip to the theme park. However, doing it while HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WALK PAST YOU is rude, stupid, and senseless. Thank you for making all of us wait so that you can take 14 photos of your ugly fucking kids and your cockeyed, mustached troll of a creature that you must call a wife.

5. The stroller big enough for 12

If you have enough children that your stroller holds more people than my car, don't bring it to a theme park – it's just going to get in the way of every single fucking person in the park. In fact, don't come to a theme park – you can't afford it because you have too many fucking children. For fuck's sake, though, don't stay home, because then you'll probably fuck some more and pop out more kids. Go to church and pray that the angry bearded man doesn't find you.

That's it. I didn't even try to cover the etiquette in eating establishments or the need for deodorant, mouthwash, and sometimes a bag to cover your face. I just came up with five simple rules that will make everyone's trip much more pleasant. How hard could it be to follow them?

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Posted in Rants | 52 Comments »