Posts Tagged ‘rush limbaugh’

Sarah Palin emails Rush Limbaugh

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

If you've been paying attention to the news at all, you might have seen the conflict between Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Apparently, Sarah Palin demanded that President Obama fire his Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, after it was reported that Emanuel said "fucking retarded" in a private meeting. She considered any version of the use of the word "retard" to be disrespectful.

Separately, Rush Limbaugh grew frustrated with protests around Emanuel's use of "retard", saying "our politically correct society is acting like some giant insult's taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards."

Now, you see, we have the bloated, drug addicted face and voice of the Republican Party butting heads with Alaska's biggest disaster since the Exxon Valdez crash. How will those Republicans who follow Fox News blindly know who to listen to? Should they go rogue or hope Obama fails? Which is it? This could break the Republican Party in half!

Luckily, Sarah Palin had a solution. I've obtained an exclusive look at the email she wrote to Rush to try to defuse the entire situation.

"Dear Rush,

I think we can both agree that it is in the best interest of this great country of ours to come to an agreement. I do have a problem with the word "retard", but I suggest as a compromise that the word "tard" is more acceptable because it has fewer letters. It also has a bit of a cutesy tone to it, and Toddy says that I do well with cutesy.

So if you would be willing to redirect your anger about people protesting Emanuel's statement, I won't worry about my little tard having his feelings hurt. This is for the greater good, remember, and no matter what, we have to compromise whatever principles we have to make sure that nigger doesn't get another term.

Love and winks,
Sarah."


In other Avita-news, today is the 38th birthday of my good friend and Geekette Supreme, Heather! She doesn't look a day over 25, especially when she's in uniform. Happy birthday, Heather!

If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!

Headlines: The Rush Limbaugh Effect

Friday, September 4th, 2009

rush-limbaugh-sucks-up-goodWhen I try to come up with posts for each day, I will usually spend some time on CNN or other news sites and see if any articles catch my eye. Tonight, there wasn't shit going on, so I decided to head over to Rush Limbaugh's website and see if there was anything amusing that might inspire me.

Nothing jumped out at me as being anything particularly entertaining – it was frustrating to see how he has turned fearmongering into an art and hypocrisy into a science. (Not that the fundamentalist leftist commentators are any better, but Rush is the best spoken out of all of them.)

I thought it might be interesting to put on Rush's thrice-divorced OxyContin-addicted glasses and see how he talks about family values and condemns people who are addicted without his head exploding. Let's see how Rush would rewrite these innocuous headlines that I've pulled from CNN.com:

Original Headline and Summary

Jackson's resting place may not be his last

Seventy days after his sudden death, Michael Jackson will be interred in what may or may not be his final resting place Thursday evening. Only his family and closest friends are attending the private burial inside the ornate Great Mausoleum on the grounds of Forest Lawn cemetery in Glendale, California…

Rush Limbaugh Headline

Even after death, black man moves around, probably avoiding bill collectors and repo men.

Original Headline and Summary

High praise for football player who disarmed girl with gun on bus

A Mississippi high school quarterback is being hailed as a hero for saving a school bus full of elementary and high school students from a gun-wielding girl. Surveillance camera footage on the Yazoo County school bus on Tuesday captured 18-year-old Kaleb Eulls tackling the 14-year-old girl while the children evacuated the bus.

Rush Limbaugh Headline

Fanatic leftist and activist infringes upon 2nd amendment rights of young innocent girl.

Original Headline and Summary

Muslim teen fears for life after changing religion

A Muslim teenager from Ohio says her father threatened to kill her because she converted to Christianity. Rifqa Bary, 17, ran away from her family in Columbus, Ohio, in July and took refuge in the central Florida home of the Rev. Blake Lorenz with the Global Revolution Church in Orlando.

Rush Limbaugh Headline

Suspected terrorist targets God-fearing American child, declares fatwah.

Original Headline and Summary

'Airplane view' of Mars yields stunning images

What would you see if you could fly over Mars in a plane and look out the window? It must be something like the thousands of curious, intriguing and spectacular images taken by the High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) camera mounted on NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.

Rush Limbaugh Headline

Government waste at work: Sightseeing photos of the Planet Marxist

Original Headline and Summary

Stranger allegedly slaps crying child in store

A Georgia man allegedly slapped a toddler at a Walmart store because she wouldn't stop crying, authorities said. Roger Stephens, 61, was arrested Monday and charged with first-degree cruelty to children. An incident report obtained from police in Gwinnett County indicated Stephens did not know the 2-year-old girl he stands accused of hitting.

Rush Limbaugh Headline

Hero villified by left-wing media and harassed by Obama's stormtrooper police force.

Original Headline and Summary

Sexual minigame costs publisher $20 million

Take-Two Interactive has agreed to pay $20 million to settle a class-action lawsuit over a sexual minigame that was mistakenly included in the 2004 title “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.” The minigame, dubbed “Hot Coffee,” simulates sex between title character Carl “CJ” Johnson and his in-game girlfriend after she invites him in for a cup of coffee. The sexual content was inaccessible without manipulating the game’s code, but that didn’t stop a media frenzy in 2005 when parents heard there was “porn” in their child’s video game.

Rush Limbaugh Headline

Porn peddler and poisoner of our children's minds gets off with slap on wrist. More reparations are needed for Americans!

Original Headline

Bear encounters in Alaska

Rush Limbaugh Headline

With hero Sarah Palin gone, family-destroying gays flock to Alaska.


And now your requisite daily Halloween Party blurb: