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- Andy Rooney
- Steve Jobs
- Amy Winehouse
- Leonard Stern, creator of Mad Libs
- Jack Kevorkian
- Randy "Macho Man" Savage
- Osama bin Laden
- Elizabeth Taylor
- Jack LaLanne
- Leslie Nielsen
- Bob Guccione
- Barbara Billingsley
- Tony Curtis
- Dennis Hopper
- Gary Coleman
- Chinese murderer**
- Casey, aka Moosh In Indy*
- Adolf Hitler
- Peter Graves
- Corey Haim
- My Grandmother**
- Roy Scheider
- Zelda Rubinstein, J.D. Salinger
- Brittany Murphy
- Oral Roberts
- John Lennon
- Ken Ober
- Henry Gibson
- Patrick Swayze
- Ted Kennedy
- John Hughes
- Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett
- Walter Cronkite
- Billy Mays
- Ed McMahon
- Stephen Hawking*
- Robert Novak
- Caylee Anthony
- David Carradine
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Tag Archives: sarcasm
Tools and Douchebags: Our Society is Doomed
My Friday night started off normal. Normal for me, that is, which means I was walking around the mall with three girls and a baby, shopping for dresses that were suitable for Friday night downtown. Well, shopping for the girls … Continue reading
Posted in General
Tagged abercrombie and fitch, bro, comedy, douchebag, how to be a douchebag, humor, jersey shore, sarcasm, tool academy
36 Comments
My expert guide on how to write well and become a professional author
Every day I write over 30,000 words, which makes me a de facto expert author. Granted, most of those words are in emails, blog posts, comments, tweets, and instant message conversations, but nitpicking is for children and people who are not expert … Continue reading
Posted in satire
Tagged author, guide to writing, how to publish, how to write well, humor, publishing, sarcasm, Writing
45 Comments
The one where I talk about men and women and piss everyone off.
Do you know why so many women prefer the company of assholes over men who are their good friends? Because it’s instinct. It’s nature. A man’s job, as imprinted on his genes, is to fuck. Fuck a woman, spread your … Continue reading
WTF is Lent? Avitable answers your questions.
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. Since most of you are heathens, I thought I’d write a little primer about Lent to help educate you. What is Lent? Lent, derived from the Latin word for “empty symbolic … Continue reading
Posted in I am evil
Tagged catholic, catholicism, comedy, humor, lent, religion, sarcasm, satire
45 Comments
Things I learned while in Vermont
As I sit here in my hotel room in Saint Johnsbury, Vermont, getting ready to pack up and head to the airport in Burlington, I ruminate on the things I’ve learned: Amaretto and ginger ale is a great combination, and … Continue reading
The tsunami that hit Hawaii
Anyone watching CNN on Saturday probably witnessed the pulse-pounding, nail-biting broadcast focused on a reef off of the coast of Hawaii, awaiting the destructive forces of a tsunami. Rarely has there been a broadcast so packed with intensity and urgency … Continue reading
Posted in General, Uncategorized
Tagged chile, cnn, comedy, earthquake, hawaii, humor, sarcasm, tsunami
22 Comments
If Dear Abby had a set of testicles
Way back in March, I helped the ladies of Cosmo. Now I’m focusing my genius and years of experience on the poor saps who write letters to Dear Abby. STEAMED IN VAN NUYS asks: For 20 years I have gone … Continue reading
Posted in Avitable Gives Advice
Tagged advice, advice column, comedy, dear-abby, humor, sarcasm
52 Comments
What Not to Name Your Baby
A post over at Mental Floss (great site and great magazine, by the way) listed 6 baby names that you probably shouldn’t use, including Batman, Eclipse Glasses, and Adolf. I thought I’d add to this helpful advice for the mother- … Continue reading
