Posts Tagged ‘siblings’

Watch Adam's Head Explode

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Someone who is not at all my younger 25-year old brother manages to almost make my head explode using only good old-fashioned ignorance and Yahoo Messenger:

NotMyBrother: why would someone I am doing an install for want to write me a BOA check from their company for a vehicle which is through their company and he won't make it for cash?

NotMyBrother: its a 2006 lincoln navigator I am doing a full-blown install on on saturday morning.

NotMyBrother: for a guy that owns an avaition insurance company

NotMyBrother: they insure leer jets etc.

adamheathavitable: because he wants his company to pay for it

NotMyBrother: so if its cash they wont?

NotMyBrother: the check made out to cash

adamheathavitable: if it's made out to a company, it's easier for tax purposes

adamheathavitable: for cash, it's not

NotMyBrother: TAX?

NotMyBrother: like 1099?

NotMyBrother: me

adamheathavitable: yes, NotMyBrother. that's what happens when a business pays for a service from another business

NotMyBrother: So he will cause me to get audited with a $500 install?

adamheathavitable: yes, exactly

adamheathavitable: the irs is going to bang down your door

adamheathavitable: because this guy is making sure he does his taxes legally

adamheathavitable: jesus christ

NotMyBrother: Frank has been writing me checks for the past 4 years…and never claims me.

NotMyBrother: How does that work?

adamheathavitable: i'm sure he does

adamheathavitable: when he does his business taxes, every amount has to be accounted for

adamheathavitable: all of those checks are considered as being paid for services rendered by another company

adamheathavitable: that's how it works

NotMyBrother: He pays his detail for the past 10 years with checks and its all under the table. His detail guy doesnt get taxed lol.

NotMyBrother: o ok, but not to the individual as a tax

adamheathavitable: if he writes a check, it's not under the table

adamheathavitable: you don't even understand how it works, so don't get yourself worked up over stupid shit

NotMyBrother: if he's writing check then that will screw me in other words and frank has been screwing me for 5 years then….he told me that its under the table

adamheathavitable: you're both idiots

NotMyBrother: you are making it seem like he is claiming me 1099

adamheathavitable: THERE'S NO SUCH THING

adamheathavitable: FOR FUCK'S SAKE

adamheathavitable: ANYTIME ANYONE GETS PAID BY CHECK AND IT'S A BUSINESS, THERE IS A RECORD OF IT.

adamheathavitable: your company IS an independent contractor of WHOEVER you do work for

adamheathavitable: and if they want to file a 1099 for their own business taxes to show what the money was spent on, that's their right

NotMyBrother: o

adamheathavitable: ok, i need to go before i reach through the computer and slap you in the head.

NotMyBrother: crap…I will have to turn down a $500 + install for this saturday

NotMyBrother: That sucks.

adamheathavitable: why do you have to turn it down?

adamheathavitable: yes, turn it down

adamheathavitable: turn down money

adamheathavitable: i don't give a shit

adamheathavitable: don't ask me another tax or business question ever again

I expect an explosion any second now

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

11:00 PM EST Saturday night. The phone rings.

"Hey, Adam."

"Hey, brother of mine."

"Are you at your computer?"

"Yes."

"Can you Google something for me?"

"Sure."

"Can you look for any discussion of gas leaks in a 2006 Cobalt?"

"Is your car leaking gas?"

"I don't know. It smells like gas really strongly, and I can't figure out where the smell is coming from."

"Well, Google doesn't show anything about it being a rampant problem with your specific type of car."

"Hmm. Okay, well, I guess I'll just look around some more."

"K. Bye."

5 minutes passes. The phone rings again.

"Hello?"

"Hey Adam."

"Did you find where the smell was coming from?"

"Yeah, it looks like my gas tank is leaking. I got on the ground with a flashlight and there's a steady drip coming from under the car."

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah, I know. I'm hoping I can find someone to take a look at it tomorrow morning."

"Good thinking. Hey, what's all that noise?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it sounds like you're in a wind tunnel."

"Oh, well, it's nice out."

"And?"

"And so I'm driving with the windows down."

"You're driving?"

"Yeah?"

"When you explode, I'm writing in your obituary that your death was expected and predicted by me."