Tag Archives: suicide

When someone you love dies, writers write. This is for Stacy.

Stacy Campbell

amidst the broken chair and the fuck yous
dying  against the hard concrete block walls,
another memory surfaces from another of our
twisted story telling sessions.

not normal was our normal,
death was our life,
our frankness would be frankly
appalling.

“I’m going to go the way of The Greats,” you’d say
deadpan with no sense of irony and I’d file that
away in the folder marked
“Things To Talk About Soon”.

the list was my(our) lifeline,
finishing it would be the right
time to talk about all of the reasons why
you were wrong. So

why did you leave entries
empty? Unchecked boxes on your list
means you have to still be here.
You have to

we have to explore the
catacombs and travel the world
and
just talk. Again.

Stacy Campbell

Anastacia Campbell at Six Flags New Orleans

Happy Stacy

Anastacia Campbell the photographer

Adam Avitable and Anastacia Campbell

Stacy Campbell

Adam and Stacy NOLA

 

 

Suicide

He killed himself in June.

I didn’t know him, but I’ve witnessed the impact of his choice.

His girlfriend’s Facebook posts demand, then beg, for answers.
Her son -not quite old enough to understand- knows life is different, forever.

Today was the right time to write about this, on what should have been the 64th birthday of Robin Williams.

Suicide is stupid.
It’s awful.
It’s selfish.
It’s heart-wrenching.
It’s final.
It’s terrifying.
It’s preventable.
It’s the result of a cry for help never being answered.

Depression and anxiety can come from anywhere – the triggers are endless and the consequences can be terminal. Unfortunately, the stigma from depression, anxiety, self-infliction of pain, and suicidal considerations is overwhelming – sometimes more overwhelming than the pain itself. These afflictions are all about a need to be listened to and to know that you’re not alone, but many people suffer silently rather than risk facing derision or the lack of consideration in the eyes of others.

I come from a family that doesn’t understand depression. To their eyes, it’s not real. It’s something to be shrugged off, a battle to be fought of mind over what matters. More exercise, healthy eating, mental distractions – those are the solutions. Little weight is given to chemical depression and medicated treatment.

“If only I could just be happier, I wouldn’t be depressed.” It’s cyclical reasoning at its worst, and it’s why so many of us never get the lifeline we need.

It’s second nature to expect medical treatment when someone breaks an arm. There’s no “Just shake it off and get out of the slump” or “It’s all in your head – just push through and you’ll be fine.” Yet, in our modern society, mental illnesses still scare so many people that we’d rather just pretend they don’t exist. By belittling the issues and downplaying the severity of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses, we are essentially burning victims at the stake, terrified of getting infected by this mental witchcraft.

Suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, even you. They probably already have, at least once. Maybe not a fantasy or a command compelling you, but in some fashion or another, even if just a gentle tug on your sleeve or a subtle whisper in your ear. Driving home late one night, stressed with no end in sight, and you think, “One twist of this wheel, and it could all be over.”

It’s at this point I should make it clear that I’m not entertaining suicide as one of my long list of paths for my life. I suffer from depression, and it can be severe at times, but in the end, I am a narcissist who fears not leaving a legacy more than I fear the crushing pressures of life itself. Don’t worry about me.

If you deny that depression is real, educate yourself.
If you suffer from depression, you’re not alone.

Never be afraid to reach out for help. There is someone (and likely an entire community of someones) who has been through it before and understands. There are online communities full of empathy and support and the love you need to get the help you deserve. Because you do deserve it. Everyone does.

Here’s a small buffet of resources – there’s something for everyone, and I’ll try to add more to this list as I come across additional sources of help, information, and support:

Avitable’s guide to killing your family

After reading yet another article about a husband and father who succumbed to the financial stress of our economy and murdered his family, then committed suicide, I became visibly disturbed by all of these horrible incidents. I really couldn’t let this disturbing trend continue without blogging about it. It resonated with me and I needed to make my point clear.

What drives a man not only to take his own life, but also the lives of his small children and spouse, using a gun?

Seriously, a gun? It’s expensive, loud, messy, and there’s a very high chance that someone’s going to wake up and try to run. Then you have to aim. It’s a lot of effort. Obviously, since your goal is to take the easy way out, you’d think you should avoid effort at all costs.

Husbands and fathers, listen carefully. If you really are in a dire situation, and there’s nothing else you can do to dig yourself out of the pit of despair, and if you’ve convinced yourself that your only solution is to kill your entire family and then yourself, follow this helpful guide to alternatives to using a gun:

1. Poison

With just a little bit of research and using chemicals you find in your house, you can concoct extremely fatal poisons that will dispatch your entire family cheaply and peacefully. Just tell your family that you’re treating them to ice cream, sprinkle it liberally on top, covered in chocolate sprinkles, and voila! It works quickly, and the best part is that nobody has to do the dishes.

2. Freezing

After the wife and kids have gone to bed, crank the air conditioning down as low as it goes. Seal all the entrances to your house – every door and window – with towels and duct tape. Then set the fan on your thermostat to “on” instead of auto and head to bed. About four hours into the night, hypothermia will set in for your entire family, and you’ll all fall asleep, snuggled in your beds while you dream one last blissful dream of playing in the snow.

3. Stingray

Dress your family all in khaki and go to Sea World. One by one, toss your kids into the stingray petting pool, and then grab your wife’s hand and pull her in with you. If my extensive knowledge of fishus stingrayus has taught me anything, it’s that these stingrays are a vicious bunch and they’ll instantly swarm you, piercing you through the heart with unerring accuracy. And, on an ironic note, Sea World will probably compensate the surviving members of your family handsomely, providing a sum of money that would have been sufficient to get back on your feet!

4. Stampede

Tell your children that you’re taking them to Sesame Street On Ice. While they’re excited and jumping up and down, quickly stick pieces of donuts in their pockets. Continue placing donuts on your person and in your wife’s purse and pockets. Get in the car and drive the whole family to a Weight Watcher’s Convention. Usher them inside and it won’t take long before the smell of donuts causes a massive obese stampede. And even better, there will be little to no burial expenses for the rest of your family since all of you will be almost completely consumed by the hungry, hungry hippos.

5. Ninjas

6. Self-Inflicted

Put several highly sharpened pencils on your coffee table. Then, sit your family down and put on a marathon of The Hills. One by one, as each family member can’t handle the inanity and horror of it, they’ll grab the pencils and do the deed themselves. All you have to do is save a pencil for yourself! N.B. If The Hills isn’t working, try any of the following: Yanni concert, Janet Jackson sex tape, the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

7. Virtual

This one takes some planning. First, purchase a virtual reality video game system. Then, don’t pay your electric bill for a few months, until you get a shut-off notice. About 10 minutes before they’re about to turn off your power, convince your family to join in you in the new virtual reality game. While you’re all wearing your gear and playing the game, the electric company will turn off your power, essentially killing your virtual selves. And everybody knows that if you die in a computer, you die in real life. This method is untested.

8. Great Scott

Steal some plutonium, get a DeLorean, and go back in time to 4 BC, where you’ll be quickly sold into slavery and worked to death. It’s simple and easy and keeps your hands from getting dirty!

Good luck, men. And I use the term “men” loosely. It’s one thing to reach that point of despair where you take your own life, but forcing the rest of your family to join you for the ride is pathetic, needy, and selfish. You’re not even a human being. We’re all better off with you gone.

Faticide

I was flipping through the channels the other night when I saw a news report. It started out by saying that obesity now causes more deaths than smoking, and then it was going to explain 15 ways that obesity results in death. I was going to watch the rest of it, but Zoey 101 was on Nickelodeon, and I wasn’t sitting there naked with a jar of Vaseline so I could watch some stupid news show.

It got me thinking, though. In what ways obesity can cause death? Since I never got to see their actual facts, I can only surmise what these 15 ways are. Here are my guesses:

1. Grease related: After cooking six hamburgers on the skillet to eat for an afternoon snack, you slip on the grease that’s splashed on the ground, fall flat on your back, and the skillet full of grease lands on your face, drowning you with its wonderful tasty contents.

2. Grease related, driving: Hunger pangs mean you need to stop at McDonald’s and get some french fries while driving home. You have to settle for a large fry because of fucking Morgan Spurlock and his stupid documentary, but the grease on those fries is sufficient to make your fingers very slippery. You come up on a sharp turn, your hands slip along the wheel, and you drive right through the guardrail, plunging to your fiery, greasy death.

3. Exercise related, outside: You decide to go for a walk to burn off the calories from the four Twinkies that you used as hot dog buns for four hot dogs slathered in mayonnaise. You manage to walk fourteen steps and then decide to rest in the bushes for a bit. The high-pitched wheezing that you emit as you catch your breath attracts a pack of Siberian wolf huskies, who think that you are a beached sea lion and eat your face.

4. Exercise related, inside: You get on the treadmill and start walking. Since you weren’t able to reach your feet, however, your shoelaces are untied, and they get sucked into the track of the treadmill, causing you to fall to the ground. At an agonizingly slow speed, the treadmill sucks you into its gears, inch by inch.

5. Sex related, men: In an effort to see your penis, you try to simultaneously suck in your gut, thrust out your hips and look down as quickly as possible. The quick motions cause a massive ripple effect that resonates throughout your body and collides at your neck, snapping it instantly.

6. Sex related, women: Riding on top of your partner, your frantic up and down motion causes the bed to split evenly in two. The headboard and footboard snap together like a bear trap, popping your head off like a grape.

7. Clothing related, putting on: As you squeeze into your shirt that fit fine five years ago, you hold your breath. This lasts for about eight seconds, at which point you quickly exhale, causing all of your buttons to pop off at an almost supersonic speed. They ricochet off of the mirror in front of you and the resulting shrapnel pierces your brain via your eyeballs.

8. Clothing related, taking off: As you sit in the chair and try to reach your feet to take off your socks, you have to pull your foot towards you. Your hands slip off your foot and you punch yourself directly in the nose, driving a small bone into your brain and killing yourself within seconds.

9. Travel related, driving: As you are coming up on a railroad crossing, a train starts coming. Your foot presses down on the brake, but since your foot is three feet wide, you press both the gas and brake simultaneously. This causes you to drift slowly forward until you are up on the tracks directly in the train’s path. You manage to get out of the car and try to run away, but running’s hard, so you lay down to take a breather. On the tracks. The train hits you and derails, killing hundreds.

10. Travel related, flying: Even though you used the handicapped stall at the airport before you left, you still have to pee halfway through the flight. You walk into the bathroom and pee standing up because you can’t turn around. Even after peeing, you’re still stuck, so you gently try to pivot to exit the bathroom. This doesn’t work, so you begin to move side to side violently trying to force yourself to turn around. These massive fluctuations in movement cause the plane to lose control and spiral to the ground where it explodes in a huge fireball.

11. Television related, self-inflicted: You settle in your favorite chair and start watching TV. The remote isn’t working very well, and the TV is currently on a marathon of “According to Jim”. You don’t want to get up to change channels, because that’s too much effort, so you commit suicide by swallowing your own tongue.

12. Television related, other-inflicted: You settle in your favorite chair and start watching TV. After watching several hours of a marathon on The Food Network, you are crazed with hunger and try to eat your television. Either the electrical jolt or the shards of electronics bouncing through your intestines kill you.

13. Bathroom related, bathing: Since you’re unable to wash your own back, stomach, and legs, you simply rinse them off in the shower. Little do you realize that, as a result, a small colony of fungus appears on your back. The fungus evolves into a community, and finally colonizes other parts of your body. Before long, imperialism sets in, and the colonies fight back and forth across the expanse of your body. All of the colonies develop advanced weaponry, and the war that breaks out culminates in the use of nuclear weaponry, which fries you in an instant.

14. Bathroom related, toilet use: Each time you sit on the toilet, it cracks a little. Finally, the stress of holding your weight is too much, and the entire toilet collapses into the sewer below. You are also swept underground where you are eaten by a giant crocodile.

15. Crime related: Unbeknownst to you, while you are out shopping one day, you bump into a mother who is holding her child. Her child is accidentally sucked into the folds of your flab. Amber alerts are issued and a nationwide manhunt for the child is underway when the police review the surveillance cameras from the store and watch the child disappear into your bodily black hole. With this evidence, the police confront you. You put your hands up to give up, but the police misinterpret this as a sign of aggression. Fearing that you are going to try to eat them, they open fire, firing 185 bullets, hitting you 42 times.

I’m pretty sure these are the same things the news was going to explain about the dangers of obesity, right?