Thanks to the Internet, (relatively) new terms have been entering the vernacular of the web. There's texting and blogging and Twitter and Facebook and Woopra and iPhones and email, just to name a few. And these new terms in turn created new terms. Blogger friends might be called "bliends". People who follow you on Twitter can be called "tweeps". Et cetera ad nauseam.
With all of this new vocabulary, it's only a matter of time until we start seeing offensive terms crop up. In order to head off the stereotypers and hatemongers at the pass, I thought I'd just go ahead and create all of these new offensive terms first. That takes away the word's power. Right?
Here's my list of new offensive, bigoted, racist, sexist terms for new media usage:
Twigger: (n) A person who uses Twitter to sound like an urban African American, whether or not this person actually is African American and/or from an urban setting.
Wopra: (adj) The situation when one's search engine stats show high traffic from keywords such as "cooking pasta", "gold chains on men", "where to buy velour", or "working in sanitation."
E-tard: (n) Electronic correspondence sent in which the sender seems to quite obviously have severe mental deficiency, whether through incorrect spelling, improper grammar, or overall failure to use sentence structure, punctuation, and capitalization.
Paki-mail: (n) Electronic correspondence received in response to any customer service query made through a corporation's website, especially when the correspondence was written or copied and pasted by someone who did not read the original query and does not have more than a basic understanding of English.
Blymie: (n) An internet journal or blog dedicated to finding examples of Anti-Semitism, no matter how far-fetched or ludicrous. Typically owned and written by someone in the jewelry, finance, or entertainment industry.
Firefags: (n) A group of individuals who are gay for Firefox.
Chinkipedia: (n) An instance where a Wikipedia page is constantly edited and censored as if subject to the whims of a communist censorship-happy government.
Cunting: (v) The act of sending a text message that dredges up past arguments between the sender and the recipient even if said arguments had already been resolved.
iHun: (n) A multimedia device that is used primarily for looking at pornography and more specifically pornography involving defecation or urination.
Blogpollack: (n) A list of blogs in the sidebar of one's blog that one doesn't actually read but lists because everyone else lists them.
Cyberspic: (n) The corner of the Internet reserved for people to post pictures of and discuss their vehicles outfitted with spoilers, sound systems, and racing gear worth many hundreds the times the value of the actual car.
Now, lest any of you think that I'm racist or prejudiced (unless you're ugly, that is), let me assure you that my goal here is to take the power of these words away by creating them before some bad person could. I'm kind of a hero.
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In other Avita-news, thanks to those of you who listened to last night's episode of "Clearly, You're Retarded." Britt and I talked about the military and whether or not they are still fighting for our right to live the American way or if their mission has been co-opted by the military leaders to pursue a more imperialist agenda.
If you missed it, you can go here to listen to it, along with all of our archived shows. You can also download the mp3 or find us on iTunes by searching the podcasts for "retarded".
– Back when MTV had something of quality, The State was funny, quirky, dark, and launched the careers of actors like Michael Ian Black (Stella), Thomas Lennon (Reno 911), and Ken Marino (Veronica Mars), to name a few. Their best tag line is a tie between "I'm gonna dip my balls in it!" and "Two-hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh."
(also available on 
) – The biggest tragedy of the past season was ABC's blatant fuckery with regards to this fascinating, beautiful show. ABC didn't even air the last three episodes (although they should be airing sometime soon), but now you can watch the episodes all the way through and marvel at the awesomeness.
– If you told me that I'd recommend a television series that aired on the ABC Family channel, I'd punch you in your endocrine system. However, this show was chock full of smart writing, great quips, and hilarious characters. The first episode is a bit slow, but get through that and revel in the fun. And mourn the non-renewal. Fuckers at ABC Family. I should punch them in their endocrine system.
(also available on 
– It's not subtle. It's heavy-handed. It has broad characterization. But it also has a rich world full of publicly outed vampires and a nubile psychic waitress played by the delectable Anna Paquin. Oh, and she's naked.
(also available on 
– Now that it's officially been renewed, it's time for you losers who didn't watch it the first time to catch up on the uneven yet brilliant season 1. This includes the unaired episode 13, which is an epilogue that takes place in the far future. Eliza Dushku still has to improve her acting skills, but a well-rounded, highly skilled cast helps bolster her less-than-chameleonic ability. It's no Firefly, but it's still Joss Whedon, which puts it miles above most TV.
