Late last night, a neighbor down my street, Phillip Spicklefritz, passed away at the age of 94. While he may not have been famous, I thought he deserved an interview as well:

Me: Thanks for joining me Phil.

PS: So, this interview? Does it go on the radio? The picture box?

Me: No, no. It goes on the Internet. I'm only a journalist on the Internet.

PS: The "Innernet"? What's that? Ha! Sounds like some kind of tire.

Me: Well, to move on, is it true that you wrote a letter to Cary Grant where you called him a "cad"?

PS: I sure did! He was a hippie, too! But at least he was better than that homo-

(There is a banging at my door. Someone shouts "Ah . . Let me in!")

Me: Who is it?

Unknown Person: It's Teddy Kennedy. Open the dooah!

Me: Wait, how do I know that it's you?

Unknown Person: I ah just died on Toosdey.

Me: Lots of people died. Let me ask you – what's your favorite soup?

Unknown Person: The ahnswah is chowdah.

Me: And how would you get your vehicle into a designated waiting area?

Unknown Person: Umm, ah, you would ah pahk the cah?

Me: Okay, and what do you think about Marilyn Monroe?

Unknown Person: She was ah hooah who could ah ruined my brothah!

Me: Finally, what do you like on an ice cream sundae?

Unknown Person: Ooh. I love jimmies! They ah wicked awesome!

Me: Hm. Well, I'm not convinced. You could be some Southie who wants to rob me.

Unknown Person: Oh, fahk you you fahking mother fahkah! I was ah Senatah fah the United States of Americker! This will be yooeh fahkin' lahss!

Me: I'm calling the cops if you don't leave now!

Unknown Person: Fahn. I'm outta heah.

Me: Now that's over, Mr. Spicklefritz, let's get back to our interview.

PS: ZZZZZZZzzzz……

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead celebrity interviews:

John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.