Posts Tagged ‘Whoring’

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Avitable: Tshirt Whore

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Self, I wish there was a T-shirt out there that demonstrated that I was tech-savvy, perverted, clever, punny, trendy, and classy"?

Well, now your dreams have been answered! Available in men's and women's sizes!

Not quite your style? Try one of my simpler, easier shirts to tell the world about your blog or Twitter URL! It's customizable so that you can change the URL to yours very easily.

I'm totally BLOGGING this shirt

Front

I'm totally BLOGGING this shirt

Back

(Also available in a Woman's version)

I'm totally TWEETING this shirt

Front

I'm totally TWEETING this shirt

Back

(Also available in Men's version)

I know what I'll be wearing to BlogHer this year. How about you?

If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!

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Posted in Whoring | 32 Comments »

Steal This Shirt!

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

Every blogger knows that any conversation or activity can turn into something worth blogging or tweeting. You might as well put your family and friends on notice! The back of shirt is customizable with your own URL so that they can follow along! Available in all colors, styles and sizes. You know you want one.

I'm totally BLOGGING this shirt

Front

I'm totally BLOGGING this shirt

Back

(Also available in a Woman's version)

I'm totally TWEETING this shirt

Front

I'm totally TWEETING this shirt

Back

(Also available in Men's version)

*****
In other Avita-news, tonight at 9 PM is another new episode of "Clearly, You're Retarded"! Set LOST to record on your DVR and tune in to part of the largest online radio show that has the word "retarded" in its title!

Tonight's topic: If a teen or adult child is mentally retarded, should the parents have the child sterilized so the child doesn't procreate? What if they're capable enough to live outside of the home, like in a group home or some other setting?

If you listen live, you can join everyone in the chatroom where there is usually a lively discussion going on that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. You can create an account at Talkshoe and download the Talkshoe Pro software or just listen as a guest. I recommend downloading the Talkshoe Pro software because even though it still has problems, it seems like the problems are more minimal with it. Hope to see you there!

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Posted in Clearly You're Retarded, Whoring | 39 Comments »

Idiots, idiots everywhere and not a drop to drink

Friday, August 29th, 2008

For every smart, normal client we have, we have 10 who are gob-smacked morons. I purposely obfuscate the nature of the business I run for obvious reasons, but for clarity's sake, just understand that we sell a service to professionals – people with advanced degrees and higher education.

Here's an example of a recent phone call we received. I've made a few changes for privacy:

The phone rings.

Me: Hi and thanks for calling The Fucknuttery. This is Adam.
Them: ….
Me: Hi and thanks for calling The Fucknuttery. This is Adam. Can I help you?
Them: ….
Me: Hello?
Them: Hello?
Me: Can I help you?
Them: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Them: Is this The Fucknuttery?
Me: Yes. Can I help you?
Them: I'm looking to purchase some fucknuts, but I can't tell how to order them on your website.
Me: Did you see the section of our website called "How to order?"
Them: No, it's not there. I also couldn't figure out how much the fucknuts cost.
Me: Did you see the section of our website called "Pricing?"
Them: I don't see a section like that. I also don't know what fucknuts are.
Me: You don't know what they are?
Them: No, but I was searching for dipshits, and your site told me I had to buy fucknuts instead.
Me: I don't think our site says that – dipshits are a completely different product. We don't sell those or mention those anywhere.
Them: I'm looking at your site right now and it says, under where I typed "dipshits", "Did you mean fucknuts?"
Me: What website are you on?
Them: Ummm, let me see. double-u double-u double-u dot google dot com.
Me: That's not our website.
Them: You're not Google?
Me: No, we are The Fucknuttery.
Them: Well, why is your information on here?
Me: Because you're on a search engine. We are just one of the listings on there.
Them: Well, what's your website?
Me: www…
Them: www…
Me: TheFucknuttery.com
Them: Vfucknuttery.com?
Me: No, [thee].
Them: "V"?
Me: No, [thuh].
Them: What?
Me: T
Them: T
Me: H
Them: H
Me: E
Them: E
….
Them: Ohhhh! [thee]!
Me: TheFucknuttery.com
Them: Okay, got it. Now what exactly is a fucknut?
Me: It's a specific type of widget designed to help you flockle your hoosenagel.
Them: How much does it cost?
Me: Around $3,000, but we guarantee that it will work or you get a full refund.
Them: That's too much money. I can flockle my own hoosenagels. *click*

Sidenotes of Whoredom and Pushiness:

If you're thinking of coming to the Halloween party, please go comment on the page I've set up: http://www.avitable.com/neverwas/.

As of 11:35 tonight, when I'm writing this post, I have 202 votes in the Hot Male Blogger Calendar contest. That's one shy of me having to remove the last piece of the picture! Wow, you guys are impressive!

I'm assuming that by Sunday at midnight, I'll get at least one more vote, so plan on the big reveal to happen Monday. Don't stop voting, though! I want to make sure I stay in the top 12 until voting ends!

MajorLeagueAvitable_9

Keep voting by using this link or the widget below.

Finally, did you see my new T-shirt? It's stolen from a bumper sticker that RW saw:

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Posted in Whoring | 58 Comments »

Housekeeping?

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

Today seems like a good day to follow up on a few things.

First, I've set up a page for all of the Halloween information to be compiled, so you can find all the information about hotels and flights, buy T-shirts and raffle tickets, and ask questions specific to the party. This will also be where I'll probably put photos and stuff after the party, so bookmark it now. http://www.avitable.com/neverwas/

Second, the Halloween Raffle has now sold 63 tickets! That means we're almost to 100 when I can give away the Grand Prize ticket of a round-trip airplane ticket to Orlando. All you need is $7 for one ticket. Void where prohibited by law. Buy your tickets here.

That's all about the Halloween party on today's post – go check out the Neverwas page I've set up for some new information, and to answer some important questions I have for you.

Third, thanks to those of you who listened to our show last night about the drinking age. If you missed the show, download it here, or add it to your iTunes here.

Finally, let's talk about the Hot Blogger Calendar competition. Last night when I wrote my post, I had 113 votes. I told you that I would remove on article of clothing from this nude picture for every subsequent 10 votes I received.

As I check the results right now, I have 181 votes. So that's 68 votes all today – holy shit! I guess that means that six more pieces of clothing have to come off. That only leaves three pieces of clothing, and you have until Sunday at midnight to vote 30 more times!

MajorLeagueAvitable_7

Keep voting by using this link or the widget below. If I get more votes than I have pieces of clothing, I'll have to come up with something even more ludicrous, so keep them coming!

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Posted in Partay | 33 Comments »

Remember that movie Major League?

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

So, do you remember Major League?

And do you remember how the coach inspired the team by putting up a cardboard standee of the bitch owner? She had pieces of clothing on, and for every win, he removed a piece of clothing?

So, you do remember that? Why do I ask?

Well, there's this thing called Hot Blogger Calendar. And I'm nominated for one of the Hottest Males. Right now, they are accepting votes, and the top 12 vote recipients will be able to either do a photo shoot in NYC or submit their own photo, and they'll appear in a calendar that will be seen by trillions of people!

From now until midnight on Sunday, August 31st, you can vote for one person. Ideally, they should have allowed 12 votes, but they didn't, so you have to be choosy.

And for motivation, here is a prime example of how I am the hottest hunk of man meat to ever type one of these here blog things:

This is a picture taken during college.

MajorLeagueAvitable

The unedited original is a nude photo. Right now, it's covered in 10 Photoshopped pieces of clothing: There are two gloves, two sleeves, a shirt, two shoes, two pant legs, and a crotch piece.

For every ten votes I get, I'll remove a piece of clothing.

Since I already have 113 votes, I'll start by taking off a glove!

MajorLeagueAvitable_1

Go vote for Avitable!

(Or you can just use the voting widget right here! I'm at the bottom of this list if you don't scroll down at all.)

For Episode Eight of "Clearly, you're retarded", Britt and I will be fucking each other's shit up at 9 PM EST on Talkshoe. The topic tonight is the drinking age – Should it be lowered? Should it be raised? What's fair? What's right? Join in on the fun by listening live! You can listen live online at Talkshoe.com, or download the Talkshoe application and you can chat and even call in!

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Posted in Clearly You're Retarded, Whoring | 48 Comments »

A man and his penis

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

Everybody else seems to be recapping TequilaCon very well, so instead, I just put this video together to show some of the swag that we got in Philadelphia. I also included a very extra-special video clip from the night of TequilaCon where we all got to see a special part of our friend Karl.

Here's the direct link if you can't see it here. And here is the link if you want to buy a "Viva El Avitable" t-shirt:

VIVA EL AVITABLE - Customized shirt

Get this custom shirt at Zazzle

And as far as any additional recap goes, I met bloggers I've wanted to meet for a long time, spent time with others that I'd met previously, got elbowed in the balls, watched Iron Man, saw the Rocky statue, ate some delicious tater tots, gave lots of one-armed hugs, spent about $2,000, and had an amazing time. I'll be there next year without a doubt!

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Posted in Vlog | 62 Comments »

Whorsday

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

First, let's talk about Coke Rewards. Every 12-pack and 20-pack and 24-pack of cans of Coca-Cola brand soda and every individual bottle of soda has a Coke Rewards number on it, making it worth anywhere from 3 points to 20.

You may have collected a few, but let's face it. You're not going to really do anything with them, are you?

Why not pass them on to me? I've been collecting them since the program started and my goal is to get as many as humanly possible. I go through 5-10 cases of Diet Coke myself a week, but that's not enough!

There are a few bloggers who are my favorites in the whole world because they share them constantly – thanks to the gorgeous, funny, irrepressible AnnieB, Mr. Fabulous, and the most prolific, Wayne! So, if you want to be like the cool people, get your Coke Rewards points and email them to me at my first name at my last name dot com. I'm on good terms with the Big Guy, so I know that there is a special place in heaven for people who give me Rewards points.

Secondly, I'd like to help out my meal ticket good friend Wayne. He is obsessed with those horrible, horrible LOLcats, and one of his favorite LOLcat sites, ICHC (I Can Has Cheezburger?) is having a contest for poker-themed user-generated LOLcat pics. The winner gets to go to Vegas.

You can check out all of his entries on his blog, or just click on the one I chose as my favorite out of his and go vote for it. Just give him 5 cheeseburgers for this one, and if he gets enough votes, he's off to Vegas. I have it on good authority that if Wayne wins, he plans on bringing back hookers and shrimp cocktail for everyone who voted for him.

crazy, funny pix
More on the online Poker Cats Contest

Thirdly, I created an iPhone wallpaper for those of you who are cool enough to have iPhones but not cool enough to have awesome wallpaper:

iphonebackground_avi.jpg

Finally, does anyone have any more food suggestions if we do another Fryday this weekend? So far, we've done eggrolls, chicken, pizza, PB&J, grilled cheese, Oreos, EL Fudge, Snickers, apple pie, taquitos, chimichangas, hotdogs, Twinkies, and a Cheeseburger Bite from 7-11. I'm open for other ideas . . . except pickles. Uck!

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Posted in Whoring | 60 Comments »

I have a dream

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

Today, I'm guest posting over Jestertunes, where I am standing up for the rights of a straight man in a gay, gay world. Head over there and leave me a comment, willya?

And if you don't see my post at the top, just check back later. I know it will be up Tuesday, but I don't know if that means midnight PST or what.

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Posted in Whoring | 8 Comments »

Pimping for a Vote

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007

Over at I Mei Pensieri, the RFS Blog Awards are going on again. And I have been nominated in several categories. I'd like to encourage you to go over there and vote, and I'll even tell you how I'll be voting:

1) The 2 bloggers who (together) would have the best looking kids:

Miss Britt with Avitable: Clearly with her boobs and curls and my smile, our kids would be fucking awesome.

2) Do you talk about anything else?? Mono-Blogger

Avitable: I'm a bit perplexed about this one, though. Do I really only talk about one subject? Eh, what the hell. An award's an award.

3) Blogger most likely to live in a trailer park:
Miss Ann: Not really, but she's the only blog nominated that I know.

4) Blogger most likely to be arrested:
Mr. Fab: I am nominated for this award, as well, but I'm not likely to be arrested because I'll never get caught. If it was titled "Most Likely to Commit a Crime", I'd be the one to vote for.

5) Blogger with the best boobs:
Miss Britt: No-brainer.

6) Blogger most likely to NOT have any sex toys:
Dave: Unless there's an Elizabeth Hurley blow-up sex doll, I can't see Dave having an Anal Intruder 4000.

7) Blogger most likely to have the most kick-ass house EVER:
Avitable: Well, duh. I'm not likely to have the most kick-ass house. I already have the most kick-ass house. Have you seen my pool?

8) Male blogger who would look the best in a speedo:
RW: I think good ol' RW would look the best in a Speedo. I, however, would look the sexiest. For a gorilla.

9) Blogger you most want to have over for dinner:
Avitable: This is definitely a no-brainer. Britt and Fab and Annie would be fun, but I'd get naked and table dance on demand.

10) Blogger of the month:
NYC Watchdog: His ability to express his feelings and frustrations and fears and sadness makes him a clear winner.

So, go vote!

RFS Blog Awards Nominee

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Posted in Whoring | 19 Comments »

Shop 'til you drop

Monday, July 16th, 2007

Postcard Hell

Postcard Hell is now officially open! Before you go shop your little fingers off, though, please keep the following notes in mind:

  • There may be a few bugs. If something isn't working, please use the contact form at Postcard Hell and let me know.
  • Orders will take about two weeks to ship.
  • To commemorate the opening of my storefront, I created a brand new postcard design that you can only see by visiting Postcard Hell!
  • If you have suggestions for dirty or embarrassing postcards, use the contact form at Postcard Hell to submit them and if I use your idea, you'll get a free 4-pack of that postcard!
  • I'll try to add a new design every couple of weeks. Use the email subscription form at Postcard Hell to get an email every time I add a new design.
  • Don't forget to come back here and leave a comment telling me what you think.

Happy Monday!

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Posted in Whoring | 55 Comments »

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