Zelda Rubinstein, the creepy old midget lady known best for her role in Poltergeist I, II, and III as Tangina Barrons, died yesterday at the age of 76. I took a minute to sit down with her.

Me: Hi, Zelda, thanks for agreeing to this short visit. I was sorry to hear about your death.

ZR: There is no death. There is only a transition to a different sphere of consciousness.

Me: Well, yes. But there's still a corpse. Anyways, let me ask you a tiny question.

ZR: Ahem. Go right ahead.

Me: Do you feel like your roles in the Poltergeist films dwarfed the rest of your career?

ZR: Are you doing this on purpose?

Me: Doing what on purpose? I'm a little confused.

ZR: Why do you keep doing that?

Me: I think you may be a teensy weensy bit wrong.

ZR: There! You did it again! You keep mocking my size!

Me: I would never do something like that. That's awfully immature of me.

ZR: Oh, okay, I may have just overreacted.

Me: It's okay. You just have a short fuse. A little, tiny, fuse.

ZR: Gah! I'm going into the Light. There is peace and serenity and no assholes like you in the Light.

Me: Midget.

ZR: Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuu…….

In addition to Zelda Rubinstein, the extremely reclusive author of "The Catcher in the Rye", J. D. Salinger, passed away yesterday at the age of 91. I was granted an exclusive interview with this amazing author:

Me: Mr. Salinger, thank you for speaking with me in the first interview you've given since 1981, 29 years ago.
Me: Umm, hello?
Me: Why are you just sitting there staring at me?
Me: You're creeping me out, old man!

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