Last night, I watched Zombieland, a hysterical zombie film and love story that now ranks up there with Shaun of the Dead
as one of my favorite takes on the genre. And just like when I watch porn, I left the movie thinking, "What would I do if I was in that position?"

Here's my quickie guide for the different ways that you can beat zombies:

1. The Hermit. Pack up everything you can, move to the woods, live off the land, and shun people.
Pros: Zombies stay away from the woods because there's less food they can catch.
Cons: Living off the land means you may have to drink your own pee at some point.

2. The Shopper. Find a large Super Walmart, barricade the doors, then clean out all zombies that may be inside.
Pros: There are only a few entrances that you have to block and once the zombies are out, they're out. Plus, you can live off the canned food and dried goods for months at a minimum.
Cons: You're living in a Walmart. The shame might kill you.

3. Gun and run. Travel around in a large RV, truck, or military transport vehicle with multiple people, all well-armed, moving from area to area, gathering food, rescuing people, and killin' zombies.
Pros: You get to travel and see the world.
Cons: At some point, one of your friends will get bitten but will try to hide it and then in the middle of the night will turn into a zombie and then you're all fucked.

4. Join 'em. Trap a zombie and let him or her bite you somewhere that won't affect your mobility.
Pros: Zombies are the majority, so you may as well just try to become king of the zombies.
Cons: Showers don't do shit for the smell.

I know which option I'd choose!