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It’s hard being a pimp

Pimp Avitable

I’ve decided to stop whoring for votes for “Best Humor Blog” because at this point, I’ll either get it or I won’t. And if I don’t, the old vanguard will.

So I’m changing over to pimping. While there are many hos that I have who could use some pimping, I have to make the special effort for my special ho – the crème de la crème – the one that all the boys ask for by name. This ho has all of the boys itching to spend their money and then sends them away just itching.

These men see her ads in the back of reputable publications and line up around the block to get a chance to ride the rollercoaster (Must be 7″ long to ride). Black, white, yellow, red, and brown, one by one, they enter, and, 30 seconds later, they leave. Some with smiles, some in tears (of joy), but all in love. All of them willing to fork over their hard-earned cash for another pass at that ass.

So go on over, give my #1 ho the once-over, and vote for her cute ass all over the fuckin’ place. Ya dig?

Just a sample picture of my #1 ho after an evening out
with the Los Angeles Lakers. Ignore the schmear. I’ve
protected her identity to keep any other pimps from stealing her
and offering her more than the 3% cut she gets:

(Yes, I know my photo is not a pimp photo. My camera didn’t have the proper purple hat with feather. Just use your fuckin’ imagination, okay? Thanks to my special ho for the post idea.)

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33 Replies to “It’s hard being a pimp”

  1. RW

    Well, I tried to vote for you, but I never got my verifying email and, um, sort of forgot about it. So the site won’t let me in to vote. But you have all my positive thoughts and energy flows. That should probably do it…

  2. Avitable

    NYCWD, I’ve licensed its use.

    Sheila, I was considering it.

    Denise, my crotch matches.

    DB, thanks! I do make a natural pimp.

    Mr. Fabulous, you mean, “Get away, you bastard!” isn’t nice?

    Poppy, back to work!

    RW, I think your wife voted. I’m glad she could figure it out, even if you couldn’t!

    Britt, forgot about the shoes. They’re on the way.

  3. Avitable

    Mist, I need help. Right now it’s all Avril Lavigne and Weird Al.

    Mistress Yoda, I like to butter my bagels.

    Poppy, thatta girl.

    Cat, well, I do like to yell at the screen when I’m at the movies.

  4. Avitable

    Franky, she does a good job. And I get perqs.

    TMP, I have been reassessing my career options.

    Amy, I am not! I’m the opposite of that. A punch ass!

    Mistress Yoda, oh, my new nickname for you is Bagel. And by butter I mean ejaculate.

  5. Avitable

    Crystal, each of your votes should be worth 100!

    Mistress Yoda, you and your bagels. All I like to do with bagels is have sex with them.

    Tiana, thanks for the vote. It has been reciprocated. You can email naked photos to me at adam AT avitable DOT com.

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