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Postcards, meet edge.

Today, I received two very funny postcards in the mail (see behind the fold for postcards), one each from Heather and Vulgar Wizard. These two, along with the one from Mr. Fabulous, have inspired me to do two different things. The first thing is completely a secret for now. The second thing is to steal Fab’s idea!

That’s right, I’m going to send a postcard to anyone who wants one. These aren’t just any old postcards, though. These postcards will be adorned with a reprint of an original Avitable work of art, and each one will contain a personal message from yours truly. The message will probably be vulgar and will definitely not be something you want your child, priest, mother, grandmother, or Great-Aunt Trudy to read.

Since I have to draw the art, and then send it off to get the postcards printed, it will take a couple of weeks before you get them, but, rest assured, they will be on their way.

So, while you’re sitting there, trembling with anticipation, how do you get one of these once-in-a-lifetime postcards? These cards that will soon become collector’s items worth millions? All you have to do is follow these simple rules.

1. Leave a comment telling me that you want one. Even if you’re a lurker, it’s okay – go ahead and let me know.
2. I will email you to confirm, and you will have to reply with your address within a reasonable time.
3. Go stand by your mailbox and don’t leave until it comes!

Heather's postcards

Vulgar Wizard's postcard

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103 Replies to “Postcards, meet edge.”

  1. bluepaintred

    i beg of you – please send me the most vulgar and disgusting postcard you can imagine. I checked the mail on Monday and had to pick up a parcel. when I gave her the card and told her i was 2125, she went white and said – i kid you not – is this for the moose cock?

    it was great!

    but then she tattled to my mother in law, not so great, but still worth it.

  2. Dave2

    Ah, I read the instructions wrong the first time, and thought I was supposed to stand by my mailbox and not leave until – I – come. Since I want a postcard, I was totally ready to grab some porn and go do what I had to do… regardless of what the neighbors think.

    Good thing I re-read those instructions again. Just my luck I’d be arrested for obscene behavior and never get my postcard.

  3. Mistress

    The only thing I really like getting in the mail is DVD’s with porn on them (from Mr. K) so I’ll hafta pass.

    Oh, and birthday cards stuffed with money from my granny.

    But that’s it.

  4. Mike

    Like I’m going to pass this!

    I’m only debating this

    a) I give you my home adress and get the postcard by myself when I get back from work;
    b) I give you my work adress, which implies that at least 5 different people on campus would see the card, not counting the time it will sit in the transparent file holder by my office door…


  5. Poppy

    Oh, and I’m very good at keeping secrets as you know so please leave me a reply comment here telling me precisely what the other “it’s a secret!” thing is. Thanks.

  6. Avitable

    Angel, Janelle, Dutchbitch, Julianne, Paticus, Erratic Scribbler, Mistress Yoda, and everyone else who requested one, I’ll send an email out tonight to all of you.

    Sheila, I’m going to draw one original piece that will be used for all of the postcards. I don’t know yet if the baby will be there.

    BPR, hahahah – you have scarred your mailperson for life. What did your MIL say?

    Dave, as long as your mailbox isn’t sticky inside, you should be okay.

    Joefish, nope, just original artwork.

    Mistress, you’re missing out. A postcard from me will get you all hot and bothered.

    Misfit Duck, a blushing mailman is always good.

    Mr. Fabulous, yeah, I think you and I were the only ones blessed by Heather.

    Mike, I think having people on campus see it is preferable.

    RW, you’re just afraid of having Mrs. RW faint.

    Poppy, I don’t spill secrets!

    Frankie, the Christmas card was nothing!

    Dragon, humbly and respectfully? I prefer arrogantly and snidely.

  7. karen

    i’d love to get one, but right now i’m on holiday & my neighbour is picking up my mail. i still want this person to do me favors in the future & not run away screaming when they see that postcard.

  8. themuttprincess

    I would love one, BUT you see, my child, and my personal priest, my mother and even sometimes my uptight neighbors all bring me my mail. I do realize that their opinion of me can not go any lower, but at this point, I can not take that chances.

    You can send me all the delightfully nasty emails you like though…. Only my dry cleaner and I read that.

  9. Wayne

    Ok, I’ll bite. I would like one. But can I ask – are “we” (the people who give you our addresses) part of the first secret? Are you making a book? Cuz that would totally rule.

  10. Avitable

    RW, I bet if you asked her, she’d want a postcard from me.

    Heather, no, I know.

    Karen, that’s true. She’d never look at you the same.

    Tug, M, Kellie, Jen, and everyone else, check your email later!

    Dragon, your pseudonym alone speaks volumes.

    Crystal, it’s worth it for my readers, my followers, my sycophants.

    TMP, excuses, excuses.

    Wayne, no. The postcard I send out won’t be part of a book or anything like that. Good guess, though.

  11. metalmom

    Ooh yeah,baby! Give it to me! I’d love it if you had something for my box!Will it be bigger than Fab’s? I hope so.I can’t waait til it comes!! :jerkoff2:

  12. Miss Britt

    Listen, bitches. There is only room on this blog for one money grubbin’ whore and we are not currently accepting applications at this time. The position has been FILLED.

    In other words –

    stop cuttin’ into my profits!! :crazywife:

  13. birdie

    I live in a village of no more than 200 souls–counting dogs and cats! Needless to say, the postmaster here knows each and every one of us, kinda like an “up north” version of Green Acres.

    So let’s give ’em something to talk about. Count me in!

  14. Avitable

    To everyone who’s commented since I last replied, I’ll get an email out to you soon enough. Except, Annie, who thinks my postcard will be so hilarious it will cost her her marriage.

  15. Miss Britt

    Here I am making LOADS of effort to read and comment and make you feel loved. All in the middle of MY shitastic day.

    And you can’t even muster a decent response.

    :crying: :crying: :crying:

  16. Vulgar Wizard

    Damn, what the hell is going on in here? I seem to have stumbled into some kind of an argument. I’m gonna just ease over here, beg for my postcard, and duck out. You guys be careful with all that cum.

  17. Rhys

    All these postcards…damn, Avi, your hand’s going to be too tired from all that writing to do anything more fun, if you get my drift. So I’ll be pleased to have one too, thanks! πŸ™‚

  18. Melissa

    Somehow, I think the card I got from Mr. Fab would enjoy the company of a postcard from you. May I have one, please?

    Also, I’m Melissa, I’m a lurker and the video about the shorts cracked me up. πŸ™‚

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