Before you get to read your regularly scheduled post, here’s the NYCWD update:
As of right, now, at midnight EST on Monday, June 25th, we have raised an amazing $2700! Almost 220 people have contributed to the Puppy Monster Memorial Fund. And here are some of the numbers to show you how fucking amazing this is:
- The average donation is around $13.00.
- The highest donation was $200.00
- Donations have come from the US, Australia, Europe, Canada, Asia, and Japan.
- This has only been going on for 80 hours. That’s an average of $33.75 raised per hour!
Thanks again to the whole blogging community. Please keep spreading the word, and keep giving! This will be running through the end of the week, so you still have a chance to make this into something even more extraordinary than it already is!
And now, Tuesday’s post:
As many of you know, I own a small company. This company has employees, including a salesforce which is essential to its continued growth and success. And within the next two months, my salesforce is going to be augmented by a saleswoman extraordinaire named Miss Britt. Also within the next two months, it is likely that we may be visited by one of our seasonal hurricanes that we love to entertain here in sunny Florida. Thinking about the synergy and coincidence and confluence of the situation, I have decided to compare Hurricanes with Miss Britt.
A hurricane moves in slowly, leaving behind a trail of wrecked houses and broken trees.
Britt moves in quickly, leaving behind a trail of wrecked homes and broken hearts.
A hurricane is a swirling mass of wind and rain that can force a straw through a tree.
Britt is a swirling mass of hair and smoke that can suck a bowling ball through a straw.
A hurricane can last for several days before leaving behind a wet, disheveled mess.
Britt can last for about an hour before she’s a wet, disheveled mess.
A hurricane can turn from its path at the last minute, endangering people and homes alike.
Britt can turn on you in an instant, endangering your testicles and penis alike.
A hurricane can cause people to evacuate their homes, taking only their prized possessions.
Britt can cause people to evacuate their wallets, leaving only their prized photographs.
A hurricane can bend a palm tree to the ground with one gust.
Britt can make a man’s penis stand erect with one breast.
A hurricane is comprised of several parts that create one effective engine of destruction.
Britt is comprised of boobs and a vagina that create one effective engine of seduction.
A hurricane has never blown my house down.
Britt has yet to blow my socks off.
A hurricane can deliver gallons of water in a matter of minutes.
Britt can deliver layers of guilt in a matter of seconds.
I have no conclusion. Britt and Hurricanes have some similarities, but they also have their differences. In my opinion, they are not the same thing.