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Last night, I was watching TV with Amy when I saw the strangest commercial. It was for a product called “Fishpen!” It’s a miniature fishing rod in a pen. You just unscrew, release the telescopic rod and fish! Everything you need in a small pen you can fit in your pocket!

Or not. There’s also the brass reel that you need. Oh, and the hooks and lures. And bait, of course, since this isn’t fly fishing. So you still need a carrying case for all the accessories. But it’s so convenient!

The commercial was hilarious – it showed a businessman walking around with this god-awful pen in his shirt pocket, then stopping by a river, making his Fishpen! into a fishing rod, and then fishing before going home, with newly caught fish for his 1950s wife to cook for his dinner! Do you know many women who can take a freshly caught fish and prepare it? Because while I know there are some of you who can, most women today cannot. At all. Nor would they. Nor should they!

But, even with all the ludicrosity and ridiculosity (two real words that I just made up), I still wanted to buy one! I think the only reason for this was the name, Fishpen! Taking two words that don’t belong together and making them into an “innovative” product is brilliant. I wonder what other potential products are out there that I could develop and sell to make millions.

Besides the awesome Knifewrench! from Scrubs, here are some of my ideas (and all of them have to have exclamation points – that’s what really sells them):

  • Whiplight! It’s a bullwhip that lights your house!
  • Toiletblender! Poop and make a smoothie at the same time!
  • Gunpillow! When you’re not sleeping, protect your loved ones with this down pillow that converts into a pistol!
  • Forkskillet! When you’re done cooking up your eggs, just use the prongs at the end of the skillet to enjoy your meal!
  • Sockcondom! Ready to have sex but not a condom in sight? Just slip your sock off, turn it inside out, and voila!
  • CDKnife! This CD, packed chock full of today’s favorite hits, can be used to slice tomatoes, chop onions, and can even cut open a metal can!
  • Flashlightoven! Powered by two D batteries, the miniature oven inside this compact flashlight can cook a small steak in only 48 minutes!
  • Gluelube! From one spout, enjoy water-based lubricant for your favorite oral, vaginal, or anal play. From the other, do your home improvement projects with the strongest adhesive allowed by law! Just don’t confuse the two!
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41 Replies to “Fishpen”

  1. yoshi

    Wow, I totally want a fishpen now, although I’ll probably never use it. I’m such a sucker for anything that’s “as seen on tv”.

    You know what else would be cool is a FlashlightTorch, where you could turn the flash light around and it turns into a flame thrower or torch. I’d buy it.

  2. ADW

    Er, gluelube?

    Oh, I get it. A gift for your enemies. I’ll send that and a tranny hooker over to my nemesis’s house with a bottle of gluelube. Brilliant, Avi, just brilliant.

  3. Miss Britt

    @ NYCWD – athlete’s cooch, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


    The !! really do sell it. I think I’m going to include ! at the end of all of my sentences in all of my emails from now on! Thank you! Yay! Bye!

  4. Avitable

    Yoshi, the funny thing is that while the commercial was on TV, it actually flashed “As seen on TV!!”

    NYCWD, that’s why you turn it inside out!

    BPR, well, they’re both clear and look about the same, so someone could quite literally be fucked and then quite figuratively be fucked.

    Sheila, me too!

    Phishez, one of my favorite episodes of Scrubs, ever.

    TrishK, maybe it’s just making me more sane.

    Mr. Fabulous, excellent. I’ll send a prospectus right over.

    ADW, also useful if you want to glue your crotch to your pants to make sure you don’t take them off when you get too drunk.

    Britt, it will increase your awesome sales ability by a factor of one million!

  5. Clown

    I saw this commercial a few weeks ago and I too was sucked right in. Really though, it’s not hard to interest me in any products sold on tv. I’d want a hurricane-proof tampon holder if it was advertised.

  6. RW

    I need to get a hat that has beer cans attached to it and straws coming down to your mouthal area so you can walk and drive and sit and drink beer through it all.

    Wow. I bet that would make a million bucks if somebody came up with that.

  7. Lynda

    I think I would like to order the Tolietblender! for my friend, Mr. Fab, since he is attempting to blend in colors.

    My grandfather use to fish, but he cleaned the fish. My grandmother only cooked them.

  8. Avitable

    Amy, :angel:

    Clown, I can make a hurricane proof tampon holder for those unfortunately timed hurricanes that happen during that time of the month.

    Robin, just duct tape your laptop to your treadmill.

    RW, your sense of humor is so dry it’s a fire risk.

    Dave, didn’t Apple just release one of those?

    Dragon, well, the smoothie would be separate from the excretory waste.

    Lynda, did he use a Fishpen!?

    Erica AP, would it be a dog whistle?

    TMP, you try it and let me know how it goes.

  9. cris

    Hmmm it seems as if there is a potential for corporate spying when I see you are seeking financing for many of the same money making ideas I havd developed myself! Out of fear and paranoia (so close yet not quite the same emotion) I take my reciprocating saw/dildo and hide it in the cushions of my sofa-mobile. I straightened the Jesus Last Supper painting with built-in Porn CD sleeves hidden in the back, and toss an old coat over my table fan/pepper shaker. Freakin spys will ruin me before I ever get started.

    p.s. the tin foil on my head is just a hat, but it could have been a sandwitch wrapper at one time. Feel free to steal that idea all ya want!

  10. Michael

    If they come “Buy one get one free” I’ll buy ’em for a dollar.

    How how about Swiss Army Knifevibrator, battery operated goodness for the wife and lots of blades and useful attachments for the hubby.

  11. Avitable

    Robin, yes it would. But you should drink first.

    Lynda, you should buy one in his honor.

    Cris, I have a ShakerFan! too!

    Clown, it was tasty, too.

    Britt, if that was a date, why didn’t you put out? Clown does.

    Christie, I see what type of things you do in bed.

    Michael, unless you accidentally confuse one of the blades with the vibrator in the dark of night, that might be a good idea.

    Poppy, let’s not think of it as hefty or not hefty. Let’s think of it as a muscle-builder every time you lift the fork to eat!

  12. Avitable

    Lynda, maybe next time.

    Mike, ba-dum-bum! Very nice.

    Jayne, I know. I use them for everything.

    Robin, well, that’s a given.

    Britt, you have a mommy purse. I’ve seen it. You can fit an entire case of juice boxes in it!

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