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An Open Letter

Now that the WGA strike may be ending, the influx of reruns, brainless reality shows, and movies of the week may start being replaced with new television shows. In the interest of making sure that the writers earn their newly negotiated increases, here is an open letter to those who run and write my favorite shows:


Dear writers of Pushing Daisies,

You guys are awesome! The show is perfect as it is – don’t change a thing. Well, if you could make every episode two hours instead of one, that would be appreciated.




Dear writers of 30 Rock,

Give Pete some more screen time. He’s a great foil for Liz. And Liz needs to fight jerks and injustice more. That’s her main character trait. Remember how she bought the entire hot dog stand’s supply because of the guy who tried to butt in line? Awww, memories.




Dear writers of The Office,

Please let Toby get laid. I feel so bad for him and all he wants is some loving. I would also like to see some more brilliant pranks pulled on Dwight, like when Jim made Dwight hit himself in the face with his phone. Also, I love Pam. You guys are awesome, though, and your version is so much better than the UK one.




Dear writers of Supernatural,

Don’t you think it would be cool if Dean and Sam got recruited by the FBI to run an X Files-type task force? Then they’d have plenty of resources and they’d know where to go and you wouldn’t have to come up with really cheesy ways for them to find out where they should go next. Other than that, this season has been pretty good. Nice job.

Spookily yours,



Dear writers of Law & Order,

Can’t we give Jack McCoy his old job back? Please??? And that female cop from last season was awesome – why did you have to get rid of her? I miss Lennie Brisco. I know you do too.




Dear writers of Heroes,

Please quit. Go back to your job at McDonald’s. Let someone else take over.




Dear writers of Chuck,

Okay, so Chuck’s got this computer in his brain that allows him to cross-reference millions of pieces of data and come up with connections that nobody else can, right? So why can’t all of this knowledge come with a little practical skill application? I’d like to see Chuck get some bad-ass ninja skills programmed into his head. Then he can stop being quite so whiny. Oh, and Adam Baldwin’s Casey is his second best character after Jayne from Serenity.




Dear writers of Reaper,

Where is your show bible? Your show has no consistency and no structure. Rather than relying on Ray Wise’s moments of awesome hamminess and several bad gags, why not come up with something that feels like an actual show? I’d like to continue watching your show, but I’m on the fence.




Dear writers of Scrubs,

I hate you. Why are you making JD and Eliot and Carla and Turk and Cox and Bob and Janitor leave me? Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything!

Love and kisses and hugs and tears,


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55 Replies to “An Open Letter”

  1. Dave2

    Hey, I’d be thrilled if Chuck stopped being a whiny little bitch on his show for just five minutes. I get so sick and tired of his constant bumbling and whining that it destroys my wanting to love the show because of the awesome supporting cast.

    As for Reaper… I like it just the way it is.

  2. L

    I have only seen a couple of extracts of the uk version of the office and the writer/creator and lead character makes me cringe and my skin crawl so for me it wouldn’t be hard to make it better,

  3. Sybil Law

    You are on the money – for the shows I’ve actually seen.
    I’d much rather read your reviews than pretty much anyone else’s!
    I especially loved the “duhn duhn”.
    Well “duhn”!
    I win for cheesiest comment!

  4. Dan

    I’ve not seen the american version of the office, but the UK was pretty good, although L was right about the cringeworthyness of it.

    You need to watch Spaced, Father Ted, or Phoenix nights for reall quality modern(ish) british comedy. Father Ted particularly.

  5. Avitable

    Dave, I don’t understand how you can give up Chuck so easily but still follow Reaper faithfully.

    Amanda, Toby always gets screwed over. And Reaper’s inconsistencies make it almost unwatchable to me.

    Jay, Chuck’s definitely gotten better over the season. The new episodes this month have been pretty good.

    L, I found him funny, but I think Steve Carell’s version is much funnier.

    Beth, I’m feeling effusive after eating all that fried food.

    Sybil, now that’s punny.

    Fab, have you seen Mr. Belding? I think he ate some of the kids.

    Topncal, yeah, it was cool having him be the new DA, but his replacement is a whinier version of him!

    DaDuck, have you heard of TV? 😀

    HG, I watched Numb3rs for the first two seasons. I do watch Monk and Psych on USA – I love those shows too.

    Poppy, only if Dwight’s pranks are so obviously ridiculous that he and Pam go along with them just to turn it around on Dwight.

    Dan, the UK one was pretty good, but I think they’ve really made the US version their own and improved upon the original. I’ve seen a few episodes of Spaced and found it pretty funny. That’s one of those shows I want to get on DVD so I can sit down and watch it completely. I haven’t heard of Father Ted or Phoenix, though.

    Britt, new shoes? Is that a Freudian slip?

    Karen, you’re missing out on some awesome television!

  6. kapgar

    Who the hell is the brunette in the Chuck cast shot? Can’t be his sister. She’s taller than that and certainly doesn’t dress that hot.

    Right there with you on Pete and Toby.

    My wife and I only started watching 30 Rock this season, but have since gone back and watched the first season as well. His role has been severely diminished.

    And Toby? He’s one of my faves on The Office.

    I still think the best Dwight prank was the CIA pick up on the rooftop.

  7. Hilly

    I think that I am the only person that still loves Chuck the way it is. I like it much better than Reaper and the whole whiny shit about Sam and Andi. And this house doesn’t allow L&O on the tv ever….don’t hate me :).

    But you know I got a little moist about Pushing Daisies…best show like evarr.

  8. The Absurdist


    Scrubs: favorite show. WTF? I heard that this is the last season???

    Heroes: I am trying to get into it.

    I like the O’Conner Chronicles now. I need a sci-fi’ish show to replace BSG. Fuckers. Of course then end it this year. FUCKKKKERRRRSSSSS!

    Law and Order: I HATE McCoy as the DA. I don’t like the new guy. He’s supposed to be like a green McCoy, but he SUCKS! Plus, it doesn’t make sense story-line wise. How many times did McCoy say he wasn’t into politics? And yet, there he is. did they have to be THAT lazy and not find a new DA?

    Yes on Toby. I love his underdog character. He is soooo funny.

    I love 30 rock no matter what…:-)

  9. Grant

    I was opposed to the writer’s strike because I generally don’t like unions and I don’t think the quality of their work merited much of a raise in the first place. My open letter would be to invite them to stop being a bunch of whiny pussies and to kill themselves in shame. Their so-called writing is why I prefer reruns of M*A*S*H and reading books to any current TV show.

    Except for Dexter – he’s my hero.

  10. Allyson

    Hm. I was going to tell you that you invest too much time and thought into TV, but it seems maybe I just don’t get it. But then I’m a movie and video games girl. We’re using our tax return to buy a big screen tv so we can play Bio-Shock…

  11. Nina

    Honey, do you ever sleep? Seriously. How is it that you have time to write your blog, run your empire, participate in your marriage AND ALSO WATCH TELEVISION? Good God. I bet you have a gym diary, too.

  12. Avitable

    Kapgar, you know? I have no idea who that brunette is. I grabbed that from a promo shot and didn’t pay enough attention to it. I don’t remember ever seeing her.

    Metalmom, we can only dream.

    NYCWD, are you anti-Chuck?

    Robin, I agree completely.

    Hilly, why don’t you like Law and Order????

    Golfwidow, if I wrote the shows, there would be more nudity.

    Britt, this is what happens when you don’t take your meds.

    TMP, they should dress Toby in drag and have her be a new character that’s dating Toby.

    Absurdist, Terminator is pretty good. I’m looking forward to the BSG finale, too.

    Grant, MASH is a great show. There are shows out there now that match it for depth, scope, and intelligence. You’re just not looking in the right places.

    Hello, issues? TV is the most important thing in the world.

    CMG, but it’s so choppy and uneven!

    Allyson, I invest time in good TV and good movies. And good video games.

    Amy, yeah….. sigh.

    RW, I don’t believe you. I bet you’ve watched The Office at least once.

    Nina, gym diary? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What’s a gym?

    Shelli, I agree completely.

    Maman, Carpoolers? Really?

    Clown, I knew I forgot to write one!

  13. jasmine

    Aside the from the obvious reasons (1. You already have Mrs. Adam and B) you would hate hate hate the healthy vegeterian food I’d make you eat), you and I could never marry Adam. We don’t have one single tv show in common.

  14. Maman

    Adam, yes, Carpoolers. It is so odd, that is comedy genius. There is a character named Marmaduke and he is HUMAN (although that might be a stretch)

    Perhaps, it is just my love for all things related to the Kids in the Hall (it was created by Dave McCulloch), but I find it subversively funny.

  15. Avitable

    Poppy, no!

    RW, and watch Top Chef and Project Runway.

    Jasmine, you clearly must have horrible taste in television! How can we have no shows in common?

    Maman, I’ve never even given it a shot. Maybe I will.

    Jordie, I already have that picture and masturbate to it daily.

    TMP, ooh, that’s a good idea, too.

    Lynda, it’s definitely gotten better every season.

    Crystal, I just find Ricky Gervais’s character to be totally and utterly unlikable. Michael is sympathetic and a better character.

    Poppy, I know more about true comic genius than most people. You know, since I am one.

    Stephanie, so what you’re saying is that you have shitty taste in TV?

    DaDuck, damn you and your irrational Seinfeld hate!

  16. Stephanie

    Well…maybe in new television we will have to disagree. However…one of the greatest television shows ever is Seinfeld.

    So I guess my “shitty” taste is just in recent shows. I seriously have never heard of a few of those shows, lol. I guess I’ll have to have a talk with Tivo and give a couple a test drive. Supernatural looks interesting…you know I’m a Ghost Hunters Freak.

    Monkeyfucker. :crazywife:

  17. Julianne

    They had the actor who plays Jack McCoy on the Kiss108 morning show yesterday and he was saying the producers gave him the choice of being DA or staying where he had been and he chose the DA job, so I don’t think they will be moving him back :/

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