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“Speak”, by Lindsay Lohan

I love redheads. And freckles. And overprocessed music. And disaffected youth who are slowly trainwrecking their entire life. So, as you can imagine, I love Lindsay Lohan.

She’s recently posed nude for the New York Magazine in a tribute to Marilyn Monroe (who was kinda cute but way too blond), and I am posting the pictures here for all of your viewing pleasures.

You can click the picture below to go to the full mondo-sized set on Flickr, or just go below the fold to see the Lohantasticness in its pure naked glory sized to fit on this blog.

I’m a Lohanatic and proud of it.










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73 Replies to “Lohantastic”

  1. Nina

    I had no idea it was possible for a 21 year old girl to look like a 50 year old crack whore living under a bridge.

    This is the most offensive excuse Lohan has ever used to get naked. Used to be she’d take it all off because it was Tuesday and she was trying to score some meth. Implicating Marilyn Monroe was not necessary.

    (I hate Lohan. Just like I hate Nascar. I know. I am hateful).

  2. Jay

    I want to play connect the freckles with my tongue.

    Kinda funny how nearly 46 years after her death Marilyn Monroe suddenly wasn’t a drunk or a slut or a totally screwed up Anna Nicole Smith type bimbo. Now people pretend she was a talented, morally upstanding citizen.

  3. Karl


    You’ve right put me off my evening wankoff.

    Blecch. Is there anybody left out there that doesn’t think Lohan is trailer trash? Trailer trash with money, but trailer trash nevertheless.

  4. Clown

    Full disclosure. I don’t care for Lohan to begin with. I think she looks like the train wreck that she mentally is. Still, these are awful pictures even for her.

    Have to admit though, the girl has range.

    Fourth from top – 80 year old face
    Sixth from top – Melted Home Alone face
    Ninth from top – Pro Domestic Abuse face

    I don’t think there are enough brightly colored loofah sponges in Pleasantville to wash away all of the filth that’s surely on her.

  5. Dave2

    Holy shit! Marilyn is surely turning in her grave over this… Lohan is gag-inducing horrific in these photos. If only there was a way to go back in time and warn myself not to click through on this entry and have my memories of a true goddess soiled so badly.

  6. NYCWD

    I am happy to report that Lindsay Lohan’s hometown on Long Island is not part of the city.

    Sadly, we continue to have fucktard immigration problems from that area. These pictures are just further evidence of why we need to build a wall between Long Island and the rest of the world.

    There must really be something in the water if she actually thought this was a good idea for a comeback.

  7. turnbaby

    I’m so sorry I clicked play–ugh.

    And quite honestly I think she is a beautiful girl.

    But these pics are not.

    She in NO WAY evokes any thought of Marilyn Monroe–not even close. I can’t fathom that anyone thought she did.

    She looks hard and worn.

    But on the upside I now KNOW I have better tits 😉

  8. The Absurdist

    Okay. The girl has no hips, and those boobs are TOTALLY fake. Hair looks terrible. She looks NOTHING like Marilyn Monroe. The freckles are just too much. Did you see that little fat piece when she is laying down? She is so ugly. She looks like a boy with a fake rack.

    Fucking bitch. That should be me.

  9. Avitable

    Britt, I think she’s beyoooootiful.

    Amanda, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers, unless Crackers was my dog’s name.

    Nina, oooh, you are hateful. And feisty!

    Jay, I know – Marilyn’s been elevated way higher than she should have been.

    Karl, I don’t! I love Lindsay Lohan!

    Clown, bah. You think Chewbacca aka Rachel Bilson is cute.

    Trukindog, so tell me how you really feel.

    Dave, Marilyn is so not a true goddess. Betty White was a true goddess.

    Wayne, bravo. HAHAHAHAHA!

    DaDuck, she was a strawberry blonde. Lindsay is a total REDHEAD. /drools

    DB, I just can’t help myself.

    Dee, ugly? Never!

    Mr. Fabulous, I knew I liked you. Wanna kidnap her and have a threesome?

    Aunt Robin, really? Do you ever watch TV? She’s second in line to Britney for Trainwreck Starlet of the Year.

    Topncal, I don’t know. I think the smack has enhanced her beauty.

    TrishK, never!

    Kapgar, oh yeah. Did I mention it’s NSFW?

    NYCWD, well, I think it’s brilliant. She’s much prettier than Marilyn.

    Turnbaby, are you disparaging Lindsay’s beautiful freckled bosoms? How dare you!

    Todd, you can’t have her. She’s mine!

    Robin, thank you.

    Golfwidow, no I think it’s a tribute. And if anything, blame the photographer and makeup guy, not her.

    Absurdist, her boobs are real. And the freckles are just fanfuckingtastic. I love freckles.

    CMG, I’m sure your rack is awesome, too!

    Em, she’s much better than Marilyn, in my opinion.

    Grant, ok. I’ll keep my eye out for someone to cure your yellow fever.

    ADW, but the freckles! All over! So. Hot.

  10. Miss Britt

    I think she’s beautiful too. That’s my point – there was no need for her to do a horrible imitation of Marilyn Monroe to look good. And it flopped. Miserably.

    Like I told you last night – there are so few (none come to mind) iconic red heads… she should be EMBRACING that, rather than trying to imitate an “iconic blonde”. Because whether you love MM or acknowledge that while alive she had the reputation of a floozy – there’s no denying that she is synonymous with Blonde Bombshell.

    Lindsey (and Stern) missed the chance to create another star by doing what one commenter wisely called a “parody” of another.

  11. Avitable

    Britt, I would love to see more red hair, that’s true. And my opinion counts! I have very discriminating taste.

    Turnbaby, hers are out there for the world to judge. You should email me yours so I can make the final judgment call.

  12. Avitable

    Britt, I can’t help that I like amateur stuff! Professional porn skeeves me out.

    Turnbaby, I would be happy to render my expert opinion.

    Poppy, her boobs are awesome!

    The108, me too. Wanna make a go for it?

    Karen, I do have a predilection for trainwrecky, though.

    Bossy, I will forgive your transgressions against Lindsay only because you made me laugh.

  13. Cheri

    The colored shots (minus the first one) aren’t bad but she really doesn’t look good so blonde! And that first picture – her boobs look like a 40 year old not a 21 year old – too saggy. What’s up with that? lol

  14. B.E. Earl

    Love the added “fire crotch” on that first pic!

    Her Dad comes into my friend’s restaurant every now and again, and he swears he’s gonna bring Freckle Tits with him one night.

    Sure…like she’s about to take a night off from whorin’ it up in NYC any time soon!

  15. Sybil Law

    Seriously?! She does NOT look good in these pictures at all. She is normally pretty cute, but these pictures make her look incredibly old and used up. Ick. Which, since you think these pictures are so good, makes me think you must be liking the older ladies now, too. Hmm…. Interesting…

  16. Avitable

    Turnbaby, nothing wrong with those nipples.

    Cheri, she’s definitely hotter as a redhead!

    Girl, Dislocated, I wish they would send me the underwear.

    TMP, yes, they do.

    Crystal, she just needs some gentle Avitable lovin’.

    BE Earl, mmmm….. freckle tits.

  17. hellohahanarf

    when she has her gorgeous red hair, i would so do her. i’m all about folks not being fake and her as a blonde is just so, so bad. especially with her wig or weave so visable in that last shot.

    but that girl is gorgeous when she is rockin her god given assets. yep, i’d do her.

  18. Amy

    I’ve seen other photos where stars are made up to look like stars from Hollywood’s Golden Age (Martha Stewart as Veronica Lake was actually mind-blowing because the photo looked like Veronica Lake and nothing like Martha Stewart.) And, I’ve always liked them.

    I actually like the picture of Lindsay on the bed the best because right there she really doesn’t look like herself at all.

    But, I do miss the cute Lindsay Lohan from the Parent Trap remake. She was SO freakin’ adorable.

  19. Y2K Survivor

    Sorry I have to side with the “These pics are Barftastic” side of the argument. I think Lohan can be attractive but something here ruined the look. I am hoping it is bad makeup and not irriversable damage.

    Oh and I disagree on the no redheaded icons. What about Maureen O Sullivan or Mureen O’Hara? Sheeesh O’Sullivan was like the first semi nude chick in movies.

  20. Summer

    I have red hair, green eyes and freckles but can’t sing a note and my life isn’t a train wreck at the moment, that’s were my similarity ends. Marilyn was much curvier and womanly than Lindsay. Why did she even try to imitate her?

  21. hellohahanarf

    ok, i looked at these photos again. and they really are pretty decent shots, with the exception of the terrible hairline on the last photo. i mean, seriously, i would do her. and i would give a lot to have boobs that small.

    but what i don’t get is why she would allow her mother to bring her 14 year old sister to the set. wtf is up with these people? (dammit, where is the crazy smilie?)

  22. Avitable

    Metalmom, I don’t think anyone can do a disservice to Marilyn, who is already highly overrated.

    MyWeeWorld, I’ll be her friend.

    Y2K, I don’t know who those people are, old man!

    Britt, unless they were on Golden Girls, I probably don’t know who they are.

    Summer, you do? Plz send pix kthxbai.

    Shelli, I’ve always wanted to adopt.

    Sybil, yeah, but are there any iconic Ann Margret photo shoots?

    Dee, I don’t know. I love redheads and the full-on red hair look.

    Hello, what’s wrong with bringing her 14-year old sister? It’s not like her sister hasn’t seen her naked.

  23. D-USA

    While I always welcome some Lohan Nakedness, :boobs4: I am actually surprised that the first real full frontal nudity came in the form of a “tasteful” (not my words)artsy-fartsy article. I fully expected her to be spreading her thights for money for Playboy, Penthouse, or at least in a bad home-movie porn by now.

    And oh yeah, I’d :sex011:

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