No, this post isn’t about my balls.
It’s about all of you wonderful folk who had the testicular fortitude to leave me a testimonial for my “About” page. I stole the idea from Dan, who sent a band of roving midget ninjas after me, but I triumphed yet again.
The new testimonials are up on the about page, but I thought I’d also share them here. If you wrote one, you can find it here. If you didn’t, you should be horribly ashamed of yourself, and you can rectify this affront by leaving a testimonial in the comments below.
Adam is a good friend. I’m pretty sure he’d stop masturbating to save my life if necessary.
Or, at the very least, try to finish quickly.
Adam is kind of a pervert, but very advanced for a gorilla. There’s definitely worse blogs you could be reading. Overall, he’s pretty funny.
Ahh, what can be said about Avitable that hasn’t already been said? He’s a legend in his own mind, he drives in the nude, and has a strange affinity for Avril Lavigne that can only be rivaled by that of a 13 year old girl, scratch that. Truth be told, he’d eat 3 13 year old girls while stomping on 6 more to get tickets to an Avril concert.
The man is an enigma. And… if he says a video is bad, for the love of all that is good and decent, don’t watch it.
Avitable scares me and fascinates me all at once – like frogs. Or death. Or ghosts.
You know, hairy ghosts who take pictures of their taint and post them on the internet.
I likes his blog.
I’m still speechless from yesterday’s entry.
Being in the hospital and away from all of my family was a bit depressing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for all the time you spent visiting and just keeping me company when the closest thing to a friendly face was a nurse. I know I wasn’t always in the best of moods but know that your time was always appreciated. Thanks again.
Adam is someone I’d cross the road to pee on if he was on fire. Assuming of course there were no distracting videos I had to cover my eyes to avoid…
I have been a lurker for almost a year.
I am still lurking. I don’t know why…
In the deepest recesses of your brain, where it’s dark and creepy and the most demented, perverted thoughts are shared by the demons that keep you pacing a bare spot in your bedroom carpeting at 3am when you should be sleeping, you will find a naked hairy gorilla of a man frolicking with a pre-operative 12-year-old transexual with a penchant for bestiality.
Adam gives me diarrhea….
why, just last week he sent me a gallon of it.
I keep it in the fridge.
I am grateful that you are man enough to genuinely accept an apology. (Thank you.)
For a burly, hairy, cantakerous misanthrope, he’s a damn fine dancer.
Adam is the funniest guy I know to say “hey fuckers” at the beginning of his video posts and still make me laugh. Surprisingly, he also appears older than he is, which would imply some level of maturity….. P
He cracks me up.
All you illiterate people who come here to for the stick figure drawings…Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages…
The biggest sickest wacko spreading animal porn to hit the Internet since all of AOL…The larger than life in both the electronic realm and the real world…
Thankfully there’s only one…The one… the only… A damn vital part of the underbelly of society…Adam Aveetable!!!!!
Avitable.com is one blog I have to read carefully and cautiously while peeking through my fingers so I don’t accidentally see something I’m going to regret for the rest of
the daymy life.
I have to…and I mean HAVE to read your blog, Amy’s blog, and Britt’s blog before I start my day. You three are hilarious and I love your writing!
A beacon to the perverse, a lifeline to drunken gutter sluts, and a warm embrace for innocent 13 year old girls who wander too far from their mothers. Avitable is a daily read that is best enjoyed through the spread fingered peepholes in the hands used to cover your eyes. Enjoy!
Adam Avitable is the only man I know that is willing to show his balls to anyone, at any time, without provocation.
When I need a link to dolphin porn or scat-fetish puke videos, Adam is my most trusted friend. The other 366 days a year, he provides an excellent target for ill-advised and slightly porny knitting projects I will take way too long to complete, plus he is nice to me and writes funny things. The end.
Avitable, Avitable, Avitable….. So much to say about you, I will limit it though:
You write things that others only dream of(even though they are technically nightmares), you dance like no one is watching (even though they are), you eat like a princess (which is so damn cute!), you probably own a bigger stake in Diet Coke than the President of the company (not that they really care about the product…), you have a unhealthy love of teen-bop shit (something that makes me cringe just writting this) and lastly you eat your weight in birthday cake each year (which, as I understand it, is not an easy feat.)
In spite of all those things (which are 100% true), there is still a great person underneath all that gorilla fuzz.
Adam, what I have to say about you is this.
I wish you lived in Atlanta or I lived in Orlando. I have met some of the coolest people through blogging. The fact that you have more comics and action figures than my own hubby speaks to me and I know we could hang. Your lust of Diet Coke is another something cool.
You’re a really nice, quiet guy and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better in the future! Happy Up-coming Birthday!
Adam is quite the cultural giver. Without him I wouldn’t have learned of the existence of “Two girls,One Cup” or Dolphin porn. (Both of which has enriched my life a hundredfold!) Without him, I’d never wake up screaming in the dead of night either!
This is the one place where if Adam Avitable says watch this video at your own expense, you better trust him and not look at the video. If you distrust him and look you will be vomiting for the rest of the week. Trust him (if you are brave enough)
What is there to say that hasn’t been said already? Give me a chance, I might think of something.
Adam wears a negligee better than any guerilla could dream to.
Adam Avitable is a cockslapping monkeyfucker who likes to suck on wet dog fur. And then blog about it.
Adam Avitable is a cockslapping monkeyfucker with a wicked sense of humor, razor sharp wit, oodles of creativity, and a depraved high intelligence.
Read him at your own risk. Once you start, you can’t stop. He is oddly, sickly addicting.
And very, very loved.
Adam? Yeah, he’s alright I guess.
Bossy is just now catching up with the Wonder that is AvitaWeek. And she is breathless. From laughing so hard.
Against my better judgment, I am very fond of the Gorilla Boy. He is funny, in that way that makes me throw up a little in my mouth, and thanks to his incessant posting of vile material, my stocks in the company that makes Brain Bleach just get more valuable by the day.
Avitable always leaves me breathless, but not in the way you’d expect….it’s sort of like “good touch” and “bad touch” all at the same time.
The thing about you is you’re sexy. Hairy and sexy. Hairy and sexy and sweet. You don’t like to admit the sweet part of course, but you are, and I have no doubt that if I were stranded at midnight on the side of some white trash road, you, Avitable, would come to save me.
Of course you’d be wearing nothing more than a jockstrap and a smile, but that’s always good enough for me, honey. As long as you bring booze.
Avitable is the ONLY blogger whose questionnaires actually make me laugh rather than instantly click to another blog!
Let me share this story with you all…It was ’95, I think. Avitable and I were on a walkabout in the Australian Outback(is there another Outback ? Better safe than sorry, I suppose) when we came upon a nest of rabid koalas.I was ready to turn tail and run, but Avitable noticed that the koalas had surrounded a basket of kittens, and he refused to leave without rescuing the poor things. So, he drew the koalas attention, while I grabbed the basket of kittens. He was mauled and raped by the koalas before I could fight them off, but it was worth it, we ate well that night. The kittens were delicious.
Avitable – the only way to see a dancing gorilla without being shot by animal rights activists.
Adam Avitable is a quiet, unassuming man, shyly sitting in his little corner of the blogiverse, hands folded, with a sweet smile on his face, spreading joy, morality, and peace among his fans.
(Of course, if you look closer, you realize he is quiet because his mouth is full of cake, his hands are folded around “something”, and the smile is a direct result of the video he is replaying in his mind. Sick fucker.)
Adam… a pretty decent guy if you are in to gorilla belching guttersnipes, who are quietly amassing a porn collection big enough to take over the world.
He makes me wet. Nuff said.
Adam Avitable: he may not be perfect but parts of him are fucking awesome.
Every time you don’t read avitable.com, Hillary kills a kitten.
Main Entry: avitaphile
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: one who gains personal satisfaction from participating in Avitableness whilst simultaneously experiencing disgust and self loathing for same.
Etymology: from the latin ‘avita’, meaning ‘moist’ and ‘bleness’ meaning ‘crevice’
Happy birthday to my greatest fan.
All the best, Randy Newman.
I love Adam Heath Avitable.