Categorically Uncategorized


No, this post isn’t about my balls.


It’s about all of you wonderful folk who had the testicular fortitude to leave me a testimonial for my “About” page. I stole the idea from Dan, who sent a band of roving midget ninjas after me, but I triumphed yet again.

The new testimonials are up on the about page, but I thought I’d also share them here. If you wrote one, you can find it here. If you didn’t, you should be horribly ashamed of yourself, and you can rectify this affront by leaving a testimonial in the comments below.

Adam is a good friend. I’m pretty sure he’d stop masturbating to save my life if necessary.

Or, at the very least, try to finish quickly.

Miss Britt

Adam is kind of a pervert, but very advanced for a gorilla. There’s definitely worse blogs you could be reading. Overall, he’s pretty funny.


Ahh, what can be said about Avitable that hasn’t already been said? He’s a legend in his own mind, he drives in the nude, and has a strange affinity for Avril Lavigne that can only be rivaled by that of a 13 year old girl, scratch that. Truth be told, he’d eat 3 13 year old girls while stomping on 6 more to get tickets to an Avril concert.

The man is an enigma. And… if he says a video is bad, for the love of all that is good and decent, don’t watch it.


Avitable scares me and fascinates me all at once – like frogs. Or death. Or ghosts.
You know, hairy ghosts who take pictures of their taint and post them on the internet.
I likes his blog.

Karen Sugarpants

I’m still speechless from yesterday’s entry.


Being in the hospital and away from all of my family was a bit depressing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for all the time you spent visiting and just keeping me company when the closest thing to a friendly face was a nurse. I know I wasn’t always in the best of moods but know that your time was always appreciated. Thanks again.


Adam is someone I’d cross the road to pee on if he was on fire. Assuming of course there were no distracting videos I had to cover my eyes to avoid…


I have been a lurker for almost a year.
I am still lurking. I don’t know why…


In the deepest recesses of your brain, where it’s dark and creepy and the most demented, perverted thoughts are shared by the demons that keep you pacing a bare spot in your bedroom carpeting at 3am when you should be sleeping, you will find a naked hairy gorilla of a man frolicking with a pre-operative 12-year-old transexual with a penchant for bestiality.

That’s Avitable.


Adam gives me diarrhea….
why, just last week he sent me a gallon of it.
I keep it in the fridge.


I am grateful that you are man enough to genuinely accept an apology. (Thank you.)


For a burly, hairy, cantakerous misanthrope, he’s a damn fine dancer.

Mr. Fabulous

Adam is the funniest guy I know to say “hey fuckers” at the beginning of his video posts and still make me laugh. Surprisingly, he also appears older than he is, which would imply some level of maturity….. P

He cracks me up.


First Draft

All you illiterate people who come here to for the stick figure drawings… Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages…

The biggest sickest wacko spreading animal porn to hit the Internet since all of AOL… The larger than life in both the electronic realm and the real world…

Thankfully there’s only one… The one… the only… A damn vital part of the underbelly of society… Adam Aveetable!!!!!

NYCWD is one blog I have to read carefully and cautiously while peeking through my fingers so I don’t accidentally see something I’m going to regret for the rest of the day my life.


I have to…and I mean HAVE to read your blog, Amy’s blog, and Britt’s blog before I start my day. You three are hilarious and I love your writing!

Just Me

A beacon to the perverse, a lifeline to drunken gutter sluts, and a warm embrace for innocent 13 year old girls who wander too far from their mothers. Avitable is a daily read that is best enjoyed through the spread fingered peepholes in the hands used to cover your eyes. Enjoy!

Y2K Survivor

Adam Avitable is the only man I know that is willing to show his balls to anyone, at any time, without provocation.


When I need a link to dolphin porn or scat-fetish puke videos, Adam is my most trusted friend. The other 366 days a year, he provides an excellent target for ill-advised and slightly porny knitting projects I will take way too long to complete, plus he is nice to me and writes funny things. The end.


Avitable, Avitable, Avitable….. So much to say about you, I will limit it though:

You write things that others only dream of(even though they are technically nightmares), you dance like no one is watching (even though they are), you eat like a princess (which is so damn cute!), you probably own a bigger stake in Diet Coke than the President of the company (not that they really care about the product…), you have a unhealthy love of teen-bop shit (something that makes me cringe just writting this) and lastly you eat your weight in birthday cake each year (which, as I understand it, is not an easy feat.)

In spite of all those things (which are 100% true), there is still a great person underneath all that gorilla fuzz.


Adam, what I have to say about you is this.

I wish you lived in Atlanta or I lived in Orlando. I have met some of the coolest people through blogging. The fact that you have more comics and action figures than my own hubby speaks to me and I know we could hang. Your lust of Diet Coke is another something cool.

You’re a really nice, quiet guy and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better in the future! Happy Up-coming Birthday!

Coal Miner’s Granddaughter

Adam is quite the cultural giver. Without him I wouldn’t have learned of the existence of “Two girls,One Cup” or Dolphin porn. (Both of which has enriched my life a hundredfold!) Without him, I’d never wake up screaming in the dead of night either!


This is the one place where if Adam Avitable says watch this video at your own expense, you better trust him and not look at the video. If you distrust him and look you will be vomiting for the rest of the week. Trust him (if you are brave enough)


What is there to say that hasn’t been said already? Give me a chance, I might think of something.


Adam wears a negligee better than any guerilla could dream to.


Adam Avitable is a cockslapping monkeyfucker who likes to suck on wet dog fur. And then blog about it.

No, really…

Adam Avitable is a cockslapping monkeyfucker with a wicked sense of humor, razor sharp wit, oodles of creativity, and a depraved high intelligence.
Read him at your own risk. Once you start, you can’t stop. He is oddly, sickly addicting.
And very, very loved.

Sybil Law

Adam? Yeah, he’s alright I guess.


Bossy is just now catching up with the Wonder that is AvitaWeek. And she is breathless. From laughing so hard.


Against my better judgment, I am very fond of the Gorilla Boy. He is funny, in that way that makes me throw up a little in my mouth, and thanks to his incessant posting of vile material, my stocks in the company that makes Brain Bleach just get more valuable by the day.

Tracy Lynn

Avitable always leaves me breathless, but not in the way you’d expect….it’s sort of like “good touch” and “bad touch” all at the same time.


The thing about you is you’re sexy. Hairy and sexy. Hairy and sexy and sweet. You don’t like to admit the sweet part of course, but you are, and I have no doubt that if I were stranded at midnight on the side of some white trash road, you, Avitable, would come to save me.

Of course you’d be wearing nothing more than a jockstrap and a smile, but that’s always good enough for me, honey. As long as you bring booze.


Avitable is the ONLY blogger whose questionnaires actually make me laugh rather than instantly click to another blog!


Let me share this story with you all…It was ’95, I think. Avitable and I were on a walkabout in the Australian Outback(is there another Outback ? Better safe than sorry, I suppose) when we came upon a nest of rabid koalas.I was ready to turn tail and run, but Avitable noticed that the koalas had surrounded a basket of kittens, and he refused to leave without rescuing the poor things. So, he drew the koalas attention, while I grabbed the basket of kittens. He was mauled and raped by the koalas before I could fight them off, but it was worth it, we ate well that night. The kittens were delicious.


Avitable – the only way to see a dancing gorilla without being shot by animal rights activists.


Adam Avitable is a quiet, unassuming man, shyly sitting in his little corner of the blogiverse, hands folded, with a sweet smile on his face, spreading joy, morality, and peace among his fans.
(Of course, if you look closer, you realize he is quiet because his mouth is full of cake, his hands are folded around “something”, and the smile is a direct result of the video he is replaying in his mind. Sick fucker.)


Adam… a pretty decent guy if you are in to gorilla belching guttersnipes, who are quietly amassing a porn collection big enough to take over the world.

Crazy Lady in Vegas

He makes me wet. Nuff said.


Adam Avitable: he may not be perfect but parts of him are fucking awesome.

Every time you don’t read, Hillary kills a kitten.


Main Entry: avitaphile
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: one who gains personal satisfaction from participating in Avitableness whilst simultaneously experiencing disgust and self loathing for same.
Etymology: from the latin ‘avita’, meaning ‘moist’ and ‘bleness’ meaning ‘crevice’

borysSNORC ™

Happy birthday to my greatest fan.

All the best, Randy Newman.


I love Adam Heath Avitable.


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69 Replies to “TestesMonials”

  1. Kyra Sutra

    How did I miss this??? Of course I must contribute!

    “Of all of the hundreds and thousands of complete strangers I have met on the internet that has resulted in wild, nasty, raunchy sex…. Adam Avitable was the worst I’ve had yet. But his blog is fantastic!”

  2. Laura

    Hmm, missed the opportunity the first time.

    “Avitable – I read him at work because I like taking risks. He’s my guilty secret like the three boxes of thin mints I have stashed under the brussel sprouts in the freezer. My husband is jealous of his happy trail. He’s the guy that Heart was singing about. It’s hard to summarize a guy like Avitable… wait, I just did. He’s HARD. Oooohhh yeah, baby. Just like we like him.” :sex023:

  3. Chris

    If I weren’t already a cock gobbling fag I’d become one for Avitable’s hairy ass at the drop of his house shorts. He’s much more of a man than I’ll ever be, but I keep trying…

  4. Jay

    I must have missed this too …

    “Adam Avitable is the heart and soul of the internet. He’s the glue that holds the blogosphere together. He’s a five-tool player. He can beat you from any direction. He’s both a shooter and a scorer. He’s a big-time player that shows up in big-time games. He’s a pro’s pro and man’s man. He has the heart of a champion and tastes of a 13 year old girl. He’s everything you could ever dreamed of in a son-in-law or a father or husband or she-male pretending to be your wife and husband at the same time. And he’s a great American.”

  5. L

    I’m a noob to the whole world

    but of this I know

    Adam Heath is Awesome in a OH MY GOD make it stop somebody burn my eys out with white hot pokers kinda way an then put them up my ass….

    Or was this last bit his idea?

    Who, know’s who dares to wonder?

    Well probably Avitable actually!

  6. Avitable

    Britt, only in the order it was posted, not in the awesomeness.

    Amanda, why would I post some random stranger’s testicles?

    Kyra, thanks! I’ll add you to the list.

    BPR, you can still do it – just submit it in the comments and I’ll add it. And whose sac could it be other than mine?

    Laura, ooh. I’m like Thin Mints!

    Tracy, where’s your brain bleach?

    Chris, is that your testimonial? Or are you just sharing with the group?

    Jay, no, you did it. I like this one better, though.

    L, hah – very nice.

    Turnbaby, don’t you mean vida mundane? 😀

    Freelance, and then masturbate?

    AmyD, after I said such nice things about you?

    Dan, I trapped them under a laundry hamper. Want them back?

    Jester, you have a vomit fetish, don’t you?

    AnnieB, my esse isn’t large!

    Fab, ah, well, there’s always the book.

  7. SJ

    Adam has done something for me that no other man has ever done. He made me realize what attractive balls my husband has.

    Plus, he has the most perverted smilies I have ever seen. Avitable, I mean. Not my husband.

  8. Grant

    I generally dislike Avitable because he’s basically me but better at it in every possible way. Curses. Seriously – I’m drawing the pentagram as I type.

    But I’m addicted so I’ll keep coming back until the Voodou wrath of Zorzan takes him down. I’m thinking he has maybe another 50 or 60 years before the curse takes hold and makes it look like death by fried cheeseburger.

  9. Avitable

    Poppy, I wish people would. It’s fun!

    TrishK, Godballs?

    SJ, I don’t think any man has attractive balls.

    MsBatman, spit-takes are usually frowned upon at work.

    Robin, I think vaginas are probably prettier than balls.

    Finn, did you learn a lesson?

    Turnbaby, they’ll be down by my ankles by then.

    Hilly, isn’t that a Ben and Jerry ice cream flavor?

    BPR, I drink your milkshake!

    ADW, cocktwirler, you can still give me a testimonial.

    TMP, anytime!

    Grant, mmmmm, fried cheeseburger.

    RW, I just use a net.

    NYCWD, gagging? Did you get a hair caught in your throat? A short, curly hair?

  10. Jay

    LOL … You know, I thought I had done this but, even though I read all of those I missed the one I had done. I just now went back through them and realized the really lame one was mine. haha

  11. Trukindog

    I don’t remember how I found Adam’s site but when I did I was hooked right away. He’s like Crystal Meth, you know it’s bad for you, you know it’s gonna make you do or say some crazy shit,you know your gonna be burnt out and completely drained when it’s over but the only thing you can think about is when your gonna get your next fix. Avitable kicks ass !

  12. Avitable

    Penelope, they are, but I had just permed my nuthair.

    Poppy, I’ve tried mandating it. Everyone just ignores me!

    M, good one.

    Fig, is that a testimonial or just a general statement of fact?

    HG, very humble indeed.

    Jay, and now you have two of them up. One lame one and one that offsets the lameness.

    Jeff, yes, it does. You’re like a Nostradamus.

    Golfwidow, ha! Dollies don’t have souls.

    Karen, as well you should be. It’s quite an honor.

    Robin, but you think they’re ugly. Why’s that?

    Heather, that’s because you’re just that awesome!

    Nobody, I don’t know if anybody can make Fab seem normal.

    Xbox, glad you like my nads. I do too.

    Marissa, hells yeah! I’m a big fan of Captain Tightpants.

    Trukindog, very nice – thanks!

    Stephanie, Hilly and Golfwidow, I think. And I know you have a shrine to my testicles, so don’t pretend otherwise.

    BlondeBlogger, you can still give a testimonial here and I’ll add it to my About page.

    CajunVegan, I’ve updated it – thanks!

    Girl, Dislocated, is that a testimonial or just a general statement of fact?

  13. Avitable

    Crys, everybody should look at testicles once a week, I think.

    Poppy, so there should be pain and suffering?

    Karen, no unnecessary “U”s allowed!

    Blondeblogger, that’s a good one!

    Sybil Law, aren’t you coming to the Halloween party next year? I’ll give it to you then.

    Girl, Dislocated, ah, I see.

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