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A Fateful Trip

To the tune of the theme from Gilligan’s Island

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a southbound trip
That started from Altamonte
With me and Miss Britt.

We hit the road at quarter to one,
The drive seemed to take days.
Before too long we were hanging out
With Finn and the gays*.
Finn and the gays*.

We searched for food on Ocean Drive
Britt bravely led the way
If not for the restaurant offering half off,
I would have died that day.
I would have died that day.

The food was placed in front of us, piled twenty feet high
With Stone Crab Legs
And lobster too,
The filet mignon and the sides,
The mojitos
The Diet Cokes and Brittinis,
Piled twenty feet high.

So we ate and drank for several hours,
We smoked and talked and hollered,
And when we asked for the final bill,
It was 800 dollars.

The waiter and the manager,
Made us quite distressed,
So I decided to dispute the charge,
With my American Express.

They lied, no shame, no business sense,
They won’t get our money,
Their name is The Rendezvous,
They’re as slimy as can be.

The rest of the the night was a total blast,
I’d go back down in a sec,
And to the staff of The Rendezvous,
You can all go to . . . fuck yourself.


*Jester and UMB, plus Othurme and his friend April.

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49 Replies to “A Fateful Trip”

  1. Girl, Dislocated

    On the morning of June 3, 2008, did you or did you not state that auto play music was a blogging no-no? And did you not state that this was applicable to the blogosphere “as a whole?”

    … but the parody is so funny!

    More importantly, I really want to know how they tried to pull a stunt like that, and what actually happened when you tried to reason with the waiter and the manager. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I’ve heard that American Express is excellent at dealing with these types of disputes, more so than other credit card companies. (Which is why some people don’t mind the annual fee on their account.)

  2. NYCWD

    You. Have. Autoplay. Music.


    But before I do, $800 for a night of food and drinks really isn’t that outrageous… unless of course they advertised half-price something and charged you full price which I can understand why you’d be upset.

  3. becky

    Autoplay music?!? Isn’t that an Avitable no-no? Holy shit, $800 for a restaurant bill!!! I can tell I’m from a small town, the most expensive bill I’ve ever seen was almost $200!! Hope the food was good.

  4. hello haha narf

    that song? brilliant. yet another reason i love you.

    you as the skipper and britt as gilligan almost make me choke on my coffee. fucking priceless.

    finn is looking pretty damn smoking hot…as usual. i love that jester and unkey monkey are so easy to pick out. but why doesn’t jerry look happy? his friend april is a hottie!

  5. Finn

    Wait… Britt’s not Gilligan, right? She’s Maryann (which is really interesting since most men seem to prefer Maryann, which means you nailed this exactly). So who’s Gilligan? Jester? And UMB is the professor? Really?

  6. Avitable

    BE Earl, there were 7 of us. And I’ve had meals that were much higher than this, but only when we were expecting it. Nobody had more than three drinks, and the restaurant pulled a total bait and switch on us.

    Angel, I actually had the autoplay turned off and tested it on two different browsers, so I’m not sure why you got it.

    Chris, that’s exactly what it was. They told us the entire menu was 50% off, had off-menu specials that were quadruple the menu price, and then tried to tell us that only the drinks were half off.

    Ashleigh, the waiter blatantly lied to us and then the manager wouldn’t believe us.

    Whall, it’s fabulous!

    Girl, Dislocated, the autoplay was inadvertent and has hopefully been fixed. The waiter just flat-out lied to us about the prices and the manager backed him up, not us.

    Kelley, if we had expected it, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. It was only because they did a bait and switch that we objected.

    Grant, now that’s a genius idea!

    Jennifer, well, with 7 people in South Beach, that’s not actually that bad. We just got scammed, pretty much.

    SciFi Dad, actually, the drinks were 50% off. It’s just that the whole menu was supposed to be, too.

    Blondefabulous, the food was excellent!

    Dawn, I usually only exaggerate about the width.

    NYCWD, that’s exactly why we were upset.

    Becky, autoplay has been fixed! I’ve seen a dinner bill that was about $4,000, but that was in Los Angeles and I didn’t have to pay it.

    Turnbaby, you can’t tell the story from my song?

    Britt, it was either that or Mrs. Howell.

    SPD, it was $135 for a sampler platter? Really?

    Hello, well, he’s happy, but just kind of quiet.

    Finn, of course she’s Gilligan. If I’m the Skipper, duh. You’re Maryann, April is Ginger, Jerry is the Professor, Paul is Mr. Howell and Michael is Mrs. Howell. You fail at my art.

  7. Sybil Law

    I loved the song. My sister -in- law and I made up a song last summer from our vacation from hell- to the tune of Gilligan’s Island, too!
    I want details, too. Was that before the tip, or one of those places where they automatically include the tip?!
    Fuck the Rendezvous!

  8. Valerie

    I looked at the online menu- the most expensive item is Filet Mignon at $43. With appetizers, drinks, tax and an included 18% gratuity, I can see how you could get to $800. Each person’s dinner and drinks would average to $633/7 = ~$90 without tax and gratuity. I can see how lobster and stone crabs would be over $40, but if they were $80 then that would be exorbitant. Did they tell you tip was included?

  9. Avitable

    TrishK, I know!

    Finn, she doesn’t? Really? I swear that she did. I wasn’t even drinking.

    Angie, well, it was 7 of us, and that’s pretty easy to do in a lot of places. But we were promised half off which was not honored.

    Turnbaby, on Ocean Drive in South Beach, they have tables set up on the sidewalk and they sit there and offer you all types of discounts as you walk down the street to convince you to eat there. This place offered us a free round of drinks and half off the menu. We clarified that they meant the full menu, and they said yes. However, when they brought the bill, they only took half off the drinks and said that they only discount the drink menu.

    Becky, it was at a fancy place in LA, so it was pretty common!

    Sybil, tip was automatically included.

    Valerie, I had the filet mignon, a side, and a salad, so mine alone was about $65, which I was okay with. However, they had off-menu specials and didn’t tell us the price, and they were ridiculously overpriced. Britt’s surf and turf was $105 and the sampler appetizer platter was $135. It was a scam, through and through. They included tip because of the size of our party at 18% as well.

    Faiqa, why do I like you again? 🙂

    Atomic Bombshell, indeed.

  10. Hilly

    I wish someone would tell in full detail how you all got bamboozled at the restaurant cause that bill for so many people doesn’t seem that big to me.

    Wait…did they promise you free shit if Jester gave them all blow jobs?

  11. Father Muskrat

    Any response from the restaurant to your posting their dickheadedness online? I’m wondering if their webmaster is seeing how many hits they’re getting from your blog, along with the negative post and comments.

    Retaliation is fun.

  12. Finn

    I didn’t bother before, but I just clicked over to restaurant’s Web site and looked at the dinner menu. Those are NOT the prices that were listed on OUR dinner menus. The lobster tail entree was about $42 on the menu I had. On the online one it’s $36.50. WTF?

  13. jester

    Is it that confusing? We were promised half off the menu, just like other restaurants along Ocean Drive offer. I’ve eaten dinner at the restaurant next door in the past and had a fantastic meal for 2 for like $60.

    This time, we ordered our meals expecting the same half off deal that the waiter promised us along with a free round of drinks.

    The specials were offered without prices and they were way out of line with the rest of the menu.

    So when the bill came at full price we were pretty pissed off about it.

    No, $800 isn’t that outrageous for 7 people at a nice place in Miami… but it is completely ridiculous when you are expecting it to be $400.

    I told the manager we were all bloggers, three of us are travel agents, and we were all armed with twitter.

    He didn’t believe we’d have any impact on his business.

    Somehow I think he’ll feel the impact when AmEx charges the bill back.

  14. othurme

    There were three fat guys eating, Britt & Umb drinking alcohol like The New Prohibition was looming, and the waiter was bringing diet cokes to Adam eight at a time. $800 is not shocking at all. Not getting half off as promised was the whole reason for the dispute.

    My meal was mediocre compared to the other $800+, but Britt’s lobster was admittedly bigger than her head (not including her hair).

  15. Meritt

    I hope that enough people actually let the restaurant know that they are NOT getting business thanks to their lies.

    This (similar) happened to my husband and I on a much smaller scale. We went to a restaurant for our 10th Anniversary and they said similar to us so I ordered the lobster tail. When the bill came we were expecting $50-60 and we were shocked to see it was $110 (without tip!).

    What pissed me off was I happened to look over at the next table and saw a special menu display that said “Anniversary Special” dinner for two with drinks was $40. But we didn’t order that one… apparently we ordered ‘off the menu’ and didn’t specify the special.


    We paid but it was ‘before’ blogging. LOL.

  16. Avitable

    Jen, oh, I didn’t sign the receipt, so I think AmEx will be on my side. Of course, it will take them 6-8 weeks to let me know that.

    Hilly, I only explained it a million times above you!

    Muskrat, I don’t think they’re that sophisticated unfortunately.

    Finn, really? That’s even more ridiculous!

    Stacey, that was the penis being forced in your butt while you ate.

    Elizabeth, the audio was just the actual theme song so that you could follow along and see how exactly brilliant my parody was.

    Fantastagirl, we were pissed, but it didn’t ruin the night, which was good.

    Stephanie, if one did, I probably ate it.

    Karl, it was a fun time.

    Jester, my song didn’t exactly tell the whole story.

    Othurme, my meal was pretty good, and I would have paid that much normally for it.

    Meritt, I just hope that American Express sides with me, which might show them that they should be honest.

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