Each Valentine’s Day, I buy Amy flowers. (Attention Valentine’s Day haters: It’s not the only day I get her flowers – I usually try to get her flowers a few times a year for no reason as well.)
The fun part with buying her flowers is trying to come up with something funny to use for the card. (A few Valentine’s Days ago, I told the story of some of the past cards I’ve sent Amy – you should read that if you haven’t before. It’s a good story.)
This year, I got her three dozen roses through Proflowers.com. They came via FedEx in a big long cardboard box. It’s not as romantic as having a florist deliver them arranged in a vase, but that’s how so many companies do it today.
When I placed the order, I had come up with three possible messages for the card. They were:
1. If these roses could talk, they’d say “Help me! Get me out of this fucking box! I can’t see!”. But they’d also say how much I love you.
2. For Valentine’s Day, here are 36 roses – one for each abortion I made you get.
3. This Valentine’s Day bouquet has been carefully assembled by migrant workers working in cramped conditions for meager pay just so you can enjoy flowers for three days before they all die. Please to enjoy!
Which one do you think I chose?
In other Avita-news:
Tonight (that’s Wednesday night for you midget cowboys out there) is a brand new installment of “Clearly, You’re Retarded”!
Yesterday, I gave the opinion that “Having more money will always improve life, and if you say otherwise, you’re deluding yourself.”. Naturally, being a contrary, stubborn person, Britt disagrees, so I’m going to defend my opinion while she takes potshots at me and dodges questions.
The show will be live from 9 PM to 10 PM EST on Talkshoe. You can listen live online at Talkshoe.com, or download the Talkshoe application and you can chat and even call in!