Morality is subjective

What I did for Earth Hour

Yesterday at 8:30 PM from 9:30 PM EST was the self-designated Earth Hour when hippies, sheeple and morons were encouraged to “Vote Earth” by switching off their lights for one hour.

Here’s what I did for Earth Hour:

8:30: Turned on all lights in the house
8:31: Turned the blender on grate
8:32: Set the microwave to defrost nothing for 58 minutes
8:33: Opened the refrigerator door
8:34: Opened the freezer door
8:35: Set the sprinklers to run
8:36: Plugged the vacuum in and turned it on
8:37: Toasted two pieces of bread on “dark”
8:38: Set the top oven to pre-heat at 250 degrees
8:39: Set the bottom oven to pre-heat at 250 degrees
8:40: Pulled all of the dishes out of the dishwasher and set it to run on the heavy cycle
8:41: Turned the dryer on “High” for 60 minutes
8:42: Turned on all televisions, cable boxes, and A/V receivers
8:43: Washed one shirt in the washing machine on “Heavy Load”
8:44: Set all alarm clocks to play the radio
8:45: Turned AC down to 45 degrees
8:46: Set all ceiling fans on high
8:47: Plugged in karaoke machine and turned it on
8:48: Toasted two more pieces of bread on “dark”
8:49: Opened garage door
8:50: Turned on garbage disposal
8:51: Closed garage door
8:52: Turned on all bathroom fans
8:53: Activated central vacuum system
8:54: Set intercom system on static
8:55: Opened garage door
8:56: Plugged in all 25 electronics that needed charging
8:57: Turned on pool pump
8:58: Closed garage door
8:59: Toasted two more pieces of bread on “dark”
9:00: Set my monitor on its highest power setting
9:01: Plugged in and turned on the leaf blower and weed whacker
9:02: Turned on hairdryer, curling iron, and electric shaver
9:03: Made coffee
9:04: Sent “War and Peace” to print in its entirety to all my printers
9:05: Opened garage door
9:06: Set the top oven to preheat at 500 degrees
9:07: Set the bottom oven to preheat at 500 degrees
9:08: Plugged in all Christmas lights
9:09: Turned iron on high
9:10: Closed garage door
9:11: Took all plastic bottles in the house and threw them in trash
9:12: Set all stove top burners to high
9:13: Toasted two more pieces of bread on “dark”
9:14: Plugged in car battery charger and attached it to my car
9:15: Opened garage door
9:16: Turned on all radios and CD players
9:17: Duct taped the doorbell so it would continuously ring
9:18: Sent 4,000 page fax to random fax number I found on the Internet
9:19: Emptied 14 cans of hairspray and spray paint into the atmosphere
9:20: Toasted two more pieces of bread on “dark”
9:21: Closed garage door
9:22: Duct taped icemaker so it would continuously make ice
9:23: Randomly turned circuit breaker on and off
9:24: Plugged in electric blankets and put them on high
9:25: Got hot, so plugged in box fans and put them on high
9:26: Opened garage door
9:27: Took shirt out of washer, put new one in
9:28: Plugged in every battery charger filled with dead batteries
9:29: Closed garage door
9:30: Went to bed, left everything running until 8AM the next morning

Happy Earth Hour!

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44 Replies to “What I did for Earth Hour”

  1. Tug

    If I thought my lights being out for one hour would save the earth, I might have done it.

    I didn’t.

    I live in the land of tree huggers, so if I get publicly hung tomorrow, please write a nice obit for me, k?

  2. Leanne

    Well I did switch the lights out AND I turned the lapop and TV off.

    Do you know what I realised in all that peace and quiet?

    My entire house actually buzzes, plus I could easily see where I was in the house by following all the standby lights. It would take me an hour to switch everything off here.

    Still, maybe someone did it properly and saved us all.

  3. Meg

    Yeah, we took the suggestion literally to turn off the lights, then gathered ’round the engergy-sucking LCD TV (with DirecTV and stereo receiver also plugged in) because basketball was on, after all! BAD timing.

    As I walked around our dark house I realized that so many other chargers, clocks, night-lights, etc. were still sucking energy. Oh, and the dryer was on.

    Oh well.

  4. Avitable

    Faiqa, do you think they have AC?

    Amanda, I fed it to birds. See? I’m an environmentalist!

    Tug, it’s just a meaningless gesture designed to make people feel like they’re actually doing something. I’ll protect you!

    BE Earl, ew. I hate rye.

    Jess, you’re doing your part!

    Leanne, hopefully everyone else realized how futile and stupid a gesture it was.

    Poppy, ooh, I’m jealous!

    DB, precisely.

    Bo, probably made a huge difference there, didn’t it?

    Meg, exactly. Useless gesture!

    Tina, it is NOT a good idea. It’s one of the stupidest ideas out there. Environmentalism is about selfish people who want to save themselves, NOT about people who want to save the earth. The earth will be around long after people are all gone.

    Nobody, while it absolutely kills me to agree with you, in this one particular issue, I do completely.

  5. Mary D

    I found this blog searching for things about earth hour :-). Haaaa. Very rebellious of you. I shut off everything but the fridge, even my heat, but a quick look out the window told me my neighbors were all lit up like Christmas trees. ~Mary

  6. Jay

    I’m not really all that into saving the Earth. I am into saving money on utilities and gas and not having to give any more money to those greedy energy company bastards than is absolutely necessary though. If that helps “save the Earth” then it’s purely accidental and has nothing to do with my frugality.

    Of course, my tendency to drive 1/4 mile down to the mailboxes each day kind of ruins that whole “save money on gas” thing. But, I’m working on it. 😉

  7. Cris

    This is the most disgusting entry you have ever made. Really, you left your Christmas lights up all this time! For Shame!

    …were we supposed to be in the dark last night? I was watching rented DVDs while looking at porn on my laptop and my blackberry. I would have tried to save the world but there were two dimensional hooters to look at dude! But really, take down the Christmas lights, it is nearly EASTER.

  8. Sybil Law

    Hahahahahaha!
    in light of my night AKA sleepover from Hell, I forgot all about shutting shit down.
    Not that I actually planned to, anyway. Not with two miserable, crying kids who wanted to watch Bolt.
    Fuck the Earth – my kid is in pain and crying!
    (Also, you’re right – the Earth will be around after people are long gone!)

  9. bluepaintred

    why does it kill you to agree with Nobody?

    Also? we were good little sheep! We turned off most of the lights (most because I refuse to leave the dogs in the dark, so their room’s light was on), set the alarm and went into the city to watch a movie.

  10. Avitable

    BTDT, yes, his name is Juan.

    Mary D, so you admit that it was useless? 😀

    SPD, I know. I’m like Madonna and Angelina combined.

    Jay, a quarter mile? Are you supposed to actually walk that? You should just buy a Segway.

    Cris, no, I put them back up just for Earth Hour!

    Mom, oh, c’mon. You can admit it to me. You know it’s stupid.

    Sheila, but what about the hours of light bulb usage in the library?

    Stephanie, yeah, but we never use it.

    Sybil, how was Bolt?

    BPR, because he’s more interested in being obnoxiously partisan than intelligently looking at or discussing issues.

    TFKOP, maybe just wicked.

  11. Karen Sugarpants

    Earth Hour is stupid as all hell. We do our part daily, not just one stupid hour a year.
    For Earth Hour, I was drinking Corona’s, eating BBQ’d roast, watching the hockey game and later, playing poker with all the GD lights on.

  12. delmer

    >>8:47: Plugged in karaoke machine and turned it on<<

    I’m surprised Fab didn’t sense this coming and prearrange for backup singers to meet him at your house.

    (My boys and I totally missed Earth hour. We did, however, have free-range chicken for lunch.)

  13. just beth

    I barely even HEARD of Earth Hour. I guess they turned the Space Needle off for an hour. I don’t even know where people HEAR about this crap. Although, I was kinda off-line this weekend. Anyway. My mom had my washing machine and dryer going 20 hours a day since Thursday, so I think I may have missed it.

    My bad.

  14. just beth

    I barely even HEARD of Earth Hour. I guess they turned the Space Needle off for an hour. I don’t even know where people HEAR about this crap. Although, I was kinda off-line this weekend. Anyway. My mom had my washing machine and dryer going 20 hours a day since Thursday, so I think I may have missed it.

    My bad.

    xo

    b.

  15. Avitable

    BPR, he does, sometimes, that’s true. Between the hack rhetoric posts!

    Sybil, you had to watch it twice?!?

    Tiffany, same here.

    Chamblee, that lying anti-hippie bastard!

    Whall, you mean like trickle-down economics?

    Clayton, are you letting your child use the computer?

    Karen, a girl after my own heart.

    Clown, well, I did it all with an erection.

    Valerie, that was totally NOT a waste!

    Delmer, me too!

    Just Beth, you just killed a glacier.

    Just Beth 2, why did you comment twice?

    NYCWD, I’m like Captain Planet’s nemesis.

    Marty, they send me thank-you notes all of the time.

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