Clearly, You're Retarded was the radio show with Adam Avitable and Britt Reints

We can fix your life

“Please, Britt,” I beg. “It will only last an hour.”

“Not tonight,” she says bluntly. “I have a headache and I’m tired and I don’t feel like it.”

“Fine, maybe I’ll just do it with myself or even ask Faiqa if she wants to!”

“Go ahead,” she calls my bluff. “You know it’s the best when it’s with me.”

I’m talking, of course, about our weekly radio show. Wednesday nights at 9 PM EST, Britt and I pick a controversial topic and argue about it for an hour. Britt lives in a big old airy-fairy land of Utopia and I’m a realist and a cynic who knows how the world really works. And I’m always right. But the outcome is pretty entertaining, so we keep doing it and will continue to do so until it’s no longer fun or a source of amusement.

Since launching the show on July 9th, we’ve discussed 31 different topics:

  • Bullying a bully
  • Spousal obligations in social situations
  • Sterilization of the mentally retarded
  • Assimilation into American culture
  • Spanking your children
  • Does money improve your life?
  • Micromanagement at work
  • Wisdom vs. Intelligence
  • US promotion of democracy abroad
  • Torture
  • Definition of friendship
  • Arranged marriage
  • Using Facebook to look up old friends
  • Should kids be allowed in public?
  • Internet addiction
  • Safe Haven laws
  • Intelligence restrictions on voting
  • Circumcision
  • Pharmacists’ rights to morally oppose a prescription
  • The perspectives of childless couples on friendships
  • Environmentalism
  • Cloning
  • The drinking age
  • Age discrimination
  • Plastic surgery
  • The death penalty
  • Porn
  • Abortion
  • Being open vs. being guarded
  • Using “gay” as a pejorative term

For our 20th show, we changed the format a bit and invited reader participation. Several people submitted their questions, which we discussed, sometimes forcefully, on the air that night. And tonight is part 2!

“Reader Participation II: We Can Fix Your Life” – tonight’s show will not be any good unless we actually have participation, so it’s all in your hands.

We need your questions. Is there anything you want advice on? Whether it’s what type of gift to get for your spouse, how to get away with tax fraud, the best way to cook a steak, or whether or not you should get that next tattoo, your questions are desperately needed. We’ll go through all of them (or as many as we can) live on the air and give you both useful (me) and completely useless (Britt) advice!

This show really won’t work unless we get at least 20-30 advice questions from people, so take a minute, just for me, and think about something that you need to know. What would you ask Dear Abby? Your priest? Your mom? If you want to be anonymous, that’s fine, too!

Email your question(s) to me at my first name (adam) at my last name (avitable) dot com and you shall have my everlasting gratitude. Well, at the very least, gratitude that extends to Wednesday night.

And, of course, don’t forget to tune in to see if your question gets chosen!

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22 Replies to “We can fix your life”

  1. Faiqa

    First of all, don’t you *ever* use me as a manipulation tactic in your negotiations with Britt again. With the mood swings I’ve had lately, that shit will get your nuts cut off.

    Annnd, you? Fix *my* life? Pfft. (Bitch) puhleeeze. Here’s a question… How can you stand how fucking awesome I am? Answer THAT.

  2. metalmom

    Is there a way to block the notifications on Facebook that your “friend” makes, revealing the spoilers on your favorite shows, the boring blow by blow on American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and every other mundane show without blocking EVERYTHING that said friend posts?

    Too many people do this and I’m sure that the west coast doesn’t want to have everything spoiled by the east coast chatters.

  3. Jacquie

    How old is old enough for kids to be left at home alone for short periods of time? And if you say they are old enough at 10 and 8, and then I leave them and then one of them burns my house down or is mauled by the dog, can I tell the department of social services that I had expert recommendation?

  4. Bpr

    I don’t have a question, but I’m laying in the tub, the water is still hot and my feed reader is empty. It’s either leave a comment highlighting the fact that I am wet an naked, or drain the water and get out of the tub.

    So hi!! Look at m!!, I’m wet and naked!

  5. Laura

    Okay, got one. How do you convince a grown child who has moved away from home that he can’t come and go as he pleases, up to and including BREAKING INTO OUR HOUSE to “borrow” some of his Dad’s tools, while we were away at work one day? (We took his house key away and changed the garage code because he kept coming over, eating our food, watching our TV, playing our video games, stealing our controllers, while we were at work.) How do we convince him that, while it USED to be “his” house while he was growing up, now that he’s grown and gone it is no longer “his” house, nor his grocery store, nor his laundry mat, nor his auto parts store, nor his public bathroom, nor his video game store?


  6. Avitable

    Faiqa, we can barely handle the awesomeness that is you, even driving up in your soccer mom mobile.

    Metalmom, no. Just remove that person. They’re not a friend.

    Dave2, life’s a gamble!

    Jacquie, we weren’t able to get to your answer last night, but thank you for asking. I’d say 10 or 11 is old enough to be home alone, but 12-13 is necessary if there’s a younger child.

    BE Earl, well, that would be the fun – she and I could argue about how I’m right about tats and she’s wrong!

    Amanda, we answered your question at the very last minute of the show – check it out!

    BPR, I’m dry and naked. We should start a club.

    Hello, thanks for contributing!

    NYCWD, we only help with useful knowledge.

    Robin, you don’t have to call in – you can just listen through the computer, you know?

    Britt, that’s not how I heard it!

    Sybil, how about a twist on last year? Wonder Woman, with an invisible plane AND invisible clothes?

    Dawn, we answered your question last night – thanks!

    Hello, does my normal theme show up or the mobile theme?

    Stephanie, ha! Your second comment took the words out of my mouth.

    Laura, thank you for submitting your question. We answered it last night.

    TrishK, I think Britt and I fundamentally agree on that issue, which is why we haven’t had it as a topic.

    Whall, we actually answered that question last night, so you should listen.

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