With season finales happening left and right and very few worthwhile television series starting this summer, you have three choices when it comes to entertaining yourself until the fall.
Choice #1: Turn off TV. This is a bad idea. You see, the television-watching muscle needs to be exercised regularly and by turning off television for three months, this muscle will atrophy. And when it comes around to the new fall season, your atrophied muscle will mistake crappy television for good television. Before long, instead of enjoying smart entertainment, you’ll be wasting time with “Random Dad Trying to Raise Three Lovable Kids”, “I Love New York’s Gonorrhea”, “The Real Housewives of Utica”, and “Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ Plus Jon From Jon and Kate Plus Eight”, thereby contributing to the mental downfall of society at large.
Choice #2: Watch whatever’s on. With the exception of a few shows such as Psych, Monk, True Blood, and Ghost Hunters, there is nothing but unadulterated shit on the air over the summer. By subjecting your television muscle to this shit, you’ll risk necrosis of your muscle, which will die and fall out through your nose. And then these drippings of television muscle will join together in the sewer, become a giant TV muscle monster that rampages through New York screaming, “SERENITY NOW”.
Choice #3: Pick up some television on DVD to keep you occupied. This is the best option by far. You can exercise your television watching muscle with good, high quality television, keeping it in tip-top shape for the fall season. Plus, no rampaging monsters and society remains intelligent! “But, genius wonderful Adam, what should we watch?” I’ll tell you:
- The State: The Complete Series – Back when MTV had something of quality, The State was funny, quirky, dark, and launched the careers of actors like Michael Ian Black (Stella), Thomas Lennon (Reno 911), and Ken Marino (Veronica Mars), to name a few. Their best tag line is a tie between “I’m gonna dip my balls in it!” and “Two-hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.”
- Pushing Daisies: The Complete Second Season (also available on Blu-ray) – The biggest tragedy of the past season was ABC’s blatant fuckery with regards to this fascinating, beautiful show. ABC didn’t even air the last three episodes (although they should be airing sometime soon), but now you can watch the episodes all the way through and marvel at the awesomeness.
- The Middleman: The Complete Series – If you told me that I’d recommend a television series that aired on the ABC Family channel, I’d punch you in your endocrine system. However, this show was chock full of smart writing, great quips, and hilarious characters. The first episode is a bit slow, but get through that and revel in the fun. And mourn the non-renewal. Fuckers at ABC Family. I should punch them in their endocrine system.
- True Blood: The Complete First Season (HBO Series) (also available on Blu-ray – It’s not subtle. It’s heavy-handed. It has broad characterization. But it also has a rich world full of publicly outed vampires and a nubile psychic waitress played by the delectable Anna Paquin. Oh, and she’s naked.
- Dollhouse: Season One (also available on Blu-Ray – Now that it’s officially been renewed, it’s time for you losers who didn’t watch it the first time to catch up on the uneven yet brilliant season 1. This includes the unaired episode 13, which is an epilogue that takes place in the far future. Eliza Dushku still has to improve her acting skills, but a well-rounded, highly skilled cast helps bolster her less-than-chameleonic ability. It’s no Firefly, but it’s still Joss Whedon, which puts it miles above most TV.
Now, thanks to me, you will have a fruitful and healthy summer.
In other Avita-news, tonight at 9 PM is another new episode of “Clearly, You’re Retarded”!
Tonight’s topic: Is forgiveness divine or stupid?
Is it really a good thing to forgive someone who did an unspeakable wrong to you? Why should you speak to someone who hurt you badly ever again? If someone you hate is on fire, would you piss on them to put it out? Why or why not?
If you listen live, you can join everyone in the chatroom where there is usually a lively discussion going on that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. You can create an account at Talkshoe and download the Talkshoe Pro software or just listen as a guest. I recommend downloading the Talkshoe Pro software because even though it still has problems, it seems like the problems are more minimal with it. Hope to see you there!