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Anatomy of a Post #BlogHer Avitable

Unless I come up with yet another genius and hilarious idea, this is my last post about #BlogHer. I may post a few of my favorite photos and I may discuss the “Vaginally Challenged: The Men of BlogHer” panel I spoke on at some point, but I want to wait for the audio to be available. I have uploaded all of the photos that I took (and that Britt took, since she broke her camera the first night and used mine a lot) on my Flickr here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/avitable/sets/72157621757851925/

I’m looking forward to this weekend, because I am still recovering from an unbelievable five days in Chicago. I haven’t read many blogs, haven’t replied to my own comments, haven’t gotten my work done, and haven’t even unpacked. If you looked like this, you’d feel the same way too:

Post_BlogHer_Avitable

  1. Horribly puffy eyes that won’t stay open caused by lack of sleep, plus Muskrat poked me in the eye with his penis.
  2. Rapidly expanding bald spot caused by being placed in high-estrogen, high-stress environment where I faced people that used to only live in my computer. Baldness not helped by the chunk of hair that Karen and Sam pulled out as a souvenir.
  3. Albino, sallow skin from last week’s spray tan washing off and from having my forehead repeatedly smooshed up against Kelly‘s and Anissa’s boobs.
  4. Glazed over eyes from trying to work, plus eyes are also worn out from the exercise required to simultaneously look at a blogger and smile while trying to peripherally read their nametag to see who the fuck they were. Eye muscles also strained from trying to pick out tiny bloggers like Ali and Casey in a crowd.
  5. Normal shirt with no offensive slogans because there are no people to oppress or demean in person. Online, I’ll still offend bloggers like Grace and Maria.
  6. Chapped lips from talking non-stop about BlogHer as if anyone is left who cares. Dehydration still occurring after my flight from Chicago to Florida, where I could have saved the trip and hung out with Angel, Angie, Shari, Melanie, Karl, Maria, and Izzy.
  7. Piece of cheeseburger still stuck between my teeth from the CheeseburgHer party. Probably photographed by Y and served by Lindsay.
  8. Unshaven scruffy stubble because I haven’t shaved my own face in three years and my barber was sick on Tuesday. Plus, I knew how much Deb loves a man’s stubble rubbing on her cheek when he hugs her. Of course, looking like a homeless man isn’t very good for impressing new bloggers that you met for the first time, like Sara and Renee.
  9. Almost empty container of hand sanitizer from trying to sanitize everything from bird flu, swine flu, baby influenze, mommy blogger’s madness, and other diseases that could have been picked up at BlogHer, most likely from Megan or Miss.
  10. Wrinkled shirt left at bottom of suitcase which is the only clean piece of clothing that I own. The rest of my clothing was torn off in the throes of passion by Victoria, Traci, and Pauline.
  11. Earpiece dangling from overuse from returning voicemails for work. It’s getting a chance to cool off before I start making crank calls to Heather and Linda. And heavy breathing and dirty talking with my sexy voice phone calls to Sue, Maggie, and Catherine.
  12. Perpetual darkness to simulate a cave-like environment after the horrible evil brightness of the Sheraton. Preparing myself to once again burst into flame when I go into the sun.
  13. (Not pictured)My testicles, which were autographed by Megan, Erin, Jenny, and Elisa and will never be washed again.

Just a quick disclaimer: I’ve tried to mention as many of the people that I met that I can remember off the top of my head over the last few BlogHer posts, but I know that there will be some people that I will forget. It’s not on purpose, and if you comment to remind me, that would be awesome.

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97 Replies to “Anatomy of a Post #BlogHer Avitable”

  1. OHmommy

    The details of my Saturday night are a little fuzzy. People have tweeted me, “It was so cool to dance w/you” “Im glad we met” and I kinda of don’t remember it. At all. Just how passionate were we?

  2. Grace Davis

    Though I did not take any eyes out in grabbing for the swag, I did pretty much lunge at you and Miss Britt when I insisted on introducing myself to you both, whether you liked it or not. I’d like to think you may be flattered that I reserved that pushy-blogger-swag-or-die moment for you.

    See you in 2010. Hope to make your limerick list then.

  3. sizzle

    I haven’t unpacked either and just this morning pulled out a wrinkled t-shirt from my suitcase. It’s too fucking hot here to care anyhow and it’s zapped my vanity and basically my will to live.

    I’m totally not upset that you haven’t mentioned meeting me. Sincerely.

  4. Tina@SendChocolate

    You’ve been busy! Great posts. And…you met me. I was drinking with Muskrat and Miss Britt at the Chi Bar. Saturday night. I also occasionally comment on your blog, but mostly just read, cause that’s the kind of lazy bitch I am.

    You are one of the most down-to-earth genuinely nice guys (oh, oh kiss of death!) I have ever met, Adam. And I say that in all seriousness. Pay attention because I am rarely serious. Except when I am.

    Tina

  5. sendchocolate

    I forgot to log in first, so just delete the one above..
    You’ve been busy! Great posts. And…you met me. I was drinking with Muskrat and Miss Britt at the Chi Bar. Saturday night. I also occasionally comment on your blog, but mostly just read, cause that’s the kind of lazy bitch I am.

    You are one of the most down-to-earth genuinely nice guys (oh, oh kiss of death!) I have ever met, Adam. And I say that in all seriousness. Pay attention because I am rarely serious. Except when I am.

    Tina

  6. TRACI

    WOW! I must say, I never thought I’d wind up being on the receiving end of such a PG13 line on your blog!! It must have been when I told you my kids say ‘Tact is for Pussies’ that I stood out in your Blogher memory.

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