Avitable Interviews Dead Celebrities

My Interview with Roy Scheider

On February 10, 2008, Roy Scheider, best known for his role of the sheriff in “Jaws”, died at the age of 75. I didn’t have a chance to interview him then, so I thought I’d use the anniversary of his passing to talk to him briefly:

Me: Roy, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. I see you brought the shark with you?

RS: We’re going to need a bigger couch.

Me: Heh. I see what you did there. Did you know that your quote, which I understand was ad-libbed, is considered one of the top 50 best movie quotes?

RS: We’re going to need bigger accolades.

Me: Well, okay. It was actually ranked #35, sorry about that. So, tell me, what’s it like after death? Do you have plenty of activities planned?

RS: We’re going to need a bigger check.

Me: Sigh. Umm, well, you’re not getting paid at all for this interview, so just be happy that anybody remembers who you are. Other than Jaws, I don’t think your movies are exactly memorable. Can you just answer the question without using the one quote that everybody knows?

RS: We’re going to need a bigger block of time.

Me: Unfortunately, we don’t have that much time left. Do you have any regrets about your body of work as an actor?

RS: We should have had bigger principles.

Me: I agree. Maybe taking every film you could get just for the paycheck wasn’t the wisest choice. I mean, people don’t even know your name – they just know you as that cranky sheriff from the shark movie. How’s that for a legacy?

RS: We’re going to need a bigger bottle of booze.

Me: Drink up, buddy. You deserve it. You and your shark.

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews:

Zelda Rubinstein and J.D. Salinger
Brittany Murphy
Oral Roberts
John Lennon
Ken Ober
Henry Gibson
Patrick Swayze
Ted Kennedy
John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.

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