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In the year 2042

In the year 2042 . . .

The Church of Brangelina will welcome its one hundred millionth member, as announced by High Priestess Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt.

In the year 2042 . . .

The largest Internet sensation will be 37-year old blogger Miss Emma, who will blog about her mother‘s descent into insanity caused by eating too many cheesecakes.

In the year 2042 . . .

Divorce rates among the gay population will reach an all-time high of 18%.

In the year 2042 . . .

NBC’s newest reality show, So You Think You Can Outrun A Lion?, will win an Emmy.

In the year 2042 . . .

The Ke$ha/Lady Gaga/Madonna retirement tour will enter the last year of its 10-year run.

In the year 2042 . . .

At Berkeley, pro-cancer activists will protest the killing of cancer cells. They will be shot to death and the world will applaud.

In the year 2042 . . .

In a new tell-all book, former President Rush Limbaugh’s illegitimate child will confess that his father “…loved women, prescription drugs, and eating human flesh, and not in that order.”

In the year 2042 . . .

The most popular sitcom on the air will be ABC Family Channel’s “Fuck you, you stupid cocksucker”, a light-hearted show about a family that adopts a foul-mouthed robot.

In the year 2042 . . .

I’ll still be paying off my Citibank bill:

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43 Replies to “In the year 2042”

  1. B.E. Earl

    The Rush Limbaugh one made me throw up in my mouth a little. Not because of the “eating human flesh” bit. No, I was okay with that. It was the “former President” part that made me gag.

    Well, that and the credit card bill.

  2. Mary

    Lordy! And i thought my 2400 in credit card debt was a lot. I paid 2 off with my tax return and am planning to do the same with the last 3. Credit blows. And all my cards are cut up into nice small pieces sitting somewhere in my closet as a reminder to stop buying crap i dont need.

    Seriously… Pay the extra bit every month. Im throwing every extra buck at my bills to get them to GTFO.

  3. themuttprincess

    It sure is painful to see, I am not opening mine because of the new laws. I don’t want to know. Also, it is just stupid that people can’t figure out paying more equals less time owing money. That is more annoying than the balance.

  4. PaintingChef

    I think its SO depressing that they started putting that on credit cards. I’m sure its a good thing and I understand the purpose but MAN. I was feeling good about getting mine down to about 1200 bucks and then CitiBank tells me its STILL going to take me eons to pay the fucker off if I only make the minimum payment.

    Ugh. Credit cards are evil.

  5. muskrat

    Dude, that sucks! Pay that damned thing off already. After Anissa recovers and no longer needs our donations, let’s make “Avitable’s bill” the next big internet donation kitty. I gave her $100. I’m willing to give you, like, $10 (or dinner when you come up in April).

  6. Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

    (deep dramatic sigh)

    I know the pain of this one all too well. My suggestions, don’t scroll down to that little bit of info any longer. It’s too painful.

    Not only am I trying to dig myself out of the debt I accrued while unemployed last year, but my boyfriend is also trying to shovel himself out of the hell that is 30,000 of credit card debt.

    It’s like financial nazi germany at my house every day.

    But without all the hand signals and evilness to human nature, of course.

  7. Hockeymandad

    If Rush gets elected anything but head librarian of the re-opened Alcatraz correctional facility, I will move far away from his reach.

    Also, I think maybe Emma will lead the new Internet sensation “Support group for the children of the parent blogger generation” and my daughters may help with that. The SGCPBG will be quite large too with many global chapters.

  8. Nancy

    Seeing that makes me glad I cashed out some retirement funds (while there was still money in them) to pay off most of my post-divorce debt. I know it was crazy and I need to save for retirement, but I know I’ll work until the day I die and it wasn’t worth the stress or the interest.

  9. Nenette

    I can think of worse things than Insanity by Cheesecake.
    But holy hannah, that bill! I was all “You don’t scare me with your Rush-Limbaugh/potty-mouth-robot prognostications, Adam Avitable!!!” then I got to the bill and almost peed my pants.

  10. Gina

    Ouch. Mine might as well have a balance that high, though, what with being unemployed at present and having no money for the minimal payment of $100-plus/month. Got a telecommute job for me? 😉 J/K! I wish you and all with c.c. balances (and myself too!) luck in reducing the debt quickly.

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