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I don’t believe in pants.

They’re generally uncomfortable and hot and restrict your movement and have no purpose other than a dress code. They’re only slightly more useful than a tie.

From the years of 2001 until 2008, I didn’t even own a pair of pants of any type. I lived in Southern California and then Florida, so all I needed were shorts. I finally broke down in 2009 and bought a pair of jeans, but that was about it.

For my grandmother’s funeral yesterday, I went out and bought a pair of black slacks. This might be the first pair of black pants that I have ever owned. I bought these pants out of a sense of obligation. First of all, there may have been some discussion among family members about how my post was a bit disrespectful, so I wanted to show respect at the funeral. Secondly, I just knew that my mother would probably stab me in the face if I walked into the house in a pair of shorts. And I like my face. And finally, I realized that I really didn’t hate wearing the tuxedo for Britt’s birthday prom, so maybe owning a pair of pants would be a good idea.

And you know what? They were comfortable, I liked how I felt and looked, and none of the issues I had with pants in previous years seemed to really exist anymore. Pants really aren’t so bad after all. In fact, I might even start to like them.

Welcome to my life, pants.

Photo by findmew
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50 Replies to “Pants”

  1. Ian

    You know that pants equates to underwear in the UK. And if I take that meaning, it actually makes this post even funnier. Mind, the photo needs amending to you in your undercrackers.

  2. Marta

    OMG Adam you look so good why have you not been wearing pants more!??! What is that on the door behind you? It look like you use the door as a coaster for hot chocolate. Also, what a cute smirky smile you have. You a real lady killer!

  3. Hockeymandad

    Wow, your words were a bit old-man-ish there. I like pants once in a while myself, but only for occasions. I’m in jeans the rest of the time. Jeans don’t count as pants because pants don’t make farts sound as good. Well, good jeans anyway.

  4. Finn

    1. Pants do not believe in you either.
    2. “slacks”? Really? Are you 60? I can’t believe you actually used the word “jeans” instead of “dungarees.”
    3. Nice pants.
    4. Me-ow.

  5. Jay

    Well, those are nice pants. I guess. I can’t help feeling that you’ve abandoned the Pantless Movement though. You were our inspiration and leader. We’ll have to find someone new now. Maybe Lady Gaga?

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