Avitable Interviews Dead Celebrities

My interview with Peter Graves

“Mission: Impossible” and “Airplane!” star Peter Graves was found dead last night at the age of 83 under mysterious circumstances, and as one of the preeminent journalists who has a picture of themselves eating ice cream with Hitler, I was invited to interview him:

Me: Hi Peter, thanks for meeting with me.

PG: (in a whisper) I am not Peter. I’m on a top-secret mission and my name is Dyed. Howie Dyed.

Me: Well, I’m here to interview Peter Graves and I wanted to find out how he died.

PG: Yes?

Me: Oh, I see what you did there. Two can play that game. Have you ever been in a Turkish prison, Peter?

PG: I told you, Peter’s not here.

Me: But he-

PG: Oh, Buddy’s been in a Turkish prison.

Me: Sigh. And he’s the same as Peter Graves?

PG: Andy? No, Andy has nothing to do with Peter Graves.

Me: Now I’m confused how he-

PG: Yes?

Me: Okay. I want to talk to Peter. Will he-

PG: Willy’s in the other room.

Me: Oh. My. God. I want to punch you so f-

PG: Yusuf? That’s our target. Have you seen him?

Me: That didn’t even sound like the same thing! Now I know you’re just fucking with me.

PG: King Withme is Yusuf’s boss. Whose side are you on?

Me: Youon isn’t here right now.

PG: Don’t be a moron.

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews:

Corey Haim
My Grandmother
Roy Scheider
Zelda Rubinstein and J.D. Salinger
Brittany Murphy
Oral Roberts
John Lennon
Ken Ober
Henry Gibson
Patrick Swayze
Ted Kennedy
John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.

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