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Ways that Larry King can go out with a bang

At the young age of 76, Larry King has announced his intentions to step down from hosting his CNN show “Larry King Live” after a 25-year run. While there’s plenty of speculation with what he’ll do for his final show, I would like to offer a few suggestions:

1. Invite Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, Michael Vick, Osama bin Laden, Bernie Madoff, Reverend Phelps, and a team of Mossad agents in for an interview. Lay knives, grenades, and a spear on the table. Have his first question be a round table question where each person tells the most offensive joke they know. Start with Mel.

2. Two words: Clothing optional. Two more words: Except suspenders.

3. Have Jerry Springer be the guest host, and invite Larry as the guest. Also, invite all 34 of his ex-wives and Steve the security guard. Provide chairs and hair extensions, keep a finger on the censor button, and just see what happens.

4. Along the lines of Geraldo Rivera’s big Al Capone reveal, show us what the hell is in Larry King’s pants to keep getting all of those wives.

5. How about a crossover finale? A Larry King Live/Bachelor crossover during which Larry divorces his current wife and tries to pick a new one before he dies could be a ratings killer!

6. Old Man Battle Royale! Who will be the last man standing shakily in a fight to the death between Larry, Dick Clark, Wilford Brimley, Willard Scott, and Bob Barker. Winner gets a night with Betty White. Or Lindsay Lohan.

7. Have a serious conversation with BP executives about what they’re going to do. When they say “I Don’t Know”, dump slime on their heads ala “You Can’t Do That On Television”! Except instead of slime, make it oil with dead birds and fish in it.

8. Have no guests except Larry himself. Larry will sit down and provide an oral history of the world that he has personally experienced, including the life of King Tut, the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, and the Big Bang.

9. Ninja attack. Larry can demonstrate that he is a surprisingly wily foe.

10. A line-by-line re-enactment of “The Princess Bride” with Larry King playing all roles except that of Enigo, who will be played by Mandy Patinkin himself.

11. Larry King. Don King. Burger King. The King family sits down and discusses their rough childhood being raised by abusive parents Nosmo King and Sofa King.

In other Avitanews, today is the last day to buy your tickets to win a free iPod Touch or a free iPod nano!

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41 Replies to “Ways that Larry King can go out with a bang”

  1. Dave2

    I cannot STAND Larry King. I think his interviews are complete shit, and half the time I’m questioning whether or not he even knows who the person across the table even is. Unfortunately, he gets a lot of interesting people on his show, so I’m forced to suffer through his “interviews” from time to time.

    That being said, your characature is awesome! I’ve already drawn mine for Bullet Sunday, and it’s not nearly as good… looks like I’m going to have to step up my game! Bastard! 🙂

    • Avitable

      @Dave2, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a full episode of Larry King Live, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never missed anything important. I’m also pretty sure that anything you draw could dance circles around anything I draw and then piss on the ashes of my drawing.

  2. Tara R.

    “You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

    Love this list, especially the sliming idea. I would be willing to shovel up some of those nasty tar balls washing ashore in my hometown to add to the mix.

  3. B.E. Earl

    I never watch Larry King, so whenever I actually do see him I think of a skit on Saturday Night Live (no idea who was playing Larry), that started off with Larry King saying “Welcome to Larry King Live. I’m Larry King and these really are my shoulders.”

    All I see are suspenders and shoulders.

  4. Krëg

    Wherever will CNN find someone else incapable of getting their elbows off the damn desk while still maintaining the wherewithal to ask random questions that contain neither logic nor relevance? The bus station? Under a bridge? And with television chasing newspapers down the path of the buggy-whip, will anyone even care? Only Google knows.

  5. martymankins

    I have to honestly say that I won’t miss him. While thee have been moments of greatness for him in who he’s interviewed, these last few years have been pretty sad.

    In other honest news, your characature of Larry is very good. I like it.

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