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Lindsay Lohan goes to Jail

After numerous probation violations, it looks like Lindsay Lohan may be finally going to jail. And while “Lindsay Goes to Jail” sounds like a viable sequel to the similarly titled Ernest movie starring the late, great Jim Varney, the reality is that it will be a difficult time for everyone’s favorite ginger.

These are the top 10 things Lindsay will miss the most about the free world during her time in prison:

1. Her daily swim in her carefully maintained “Pile o’ Coke.”

Pile O'Coke

2. She won’t get to choose between straight and lesbian lifestyles as it suits her.

3. Her staff of 12 that style her hair and cover up her freckles can only join her if they all commit felonies, but four of them already have two strikes and three others are illegals.

4. While on one hand, no more alcohol monitoring bracelet, on the other hand, no more alcohol.

5. Her toilet in her cell has no privacy, and she’s a shy bulimic.

6. If she throws a tantrum like she does on movie sets, instead of a producer getting angry, bitch gonna get stabbed.

7. Her mom can find her whenever she needs to visit and ask for money.

8. Wine O’Clock.

9. It will be hard for her to send tweets because cell reception in a cell is a bitch.

10. She totally loses the “Teenybopper Prison” pool, and Britney is going to rub it in.

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14 Replies to “Lindsay Lohan goes to Jail”

    • B.E. Earl

      @Faiqa, I kind of know her parents. Well, her father at least. I’ve run into him many times and even had a few drinks with him. This was years ago, before he got…ahem…sober. The Lohan clan used to live pretty close to our place.

  1. Hockeymandad

    This will only be true if she goes to a real jail like the one you and I would get tossed in, not that martha stewart jail. Only for 90 days too….which is a long time, but not really in the grand scheme of things.

  2. Erika

    I don’t think this will straighten her out though. She is still in denial about her problems. She actually believes that she did what was asked of her. Serious denial.

  3. Kristin

    How sad that THIS is a post I choose to comment on. But I can say YEA about it all, since my disgust over Wynoa Rider (gee, is that how you spell her name?) getting “community service.” I guess I’m commenting to say, thanks for making my Wednesday a bit happier 🙂

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