Categorically Uncategorized – your source for state secrets is a site where anyone can leak documents, video or photographs while remaining anonymous. Visitors can submit documents by a simple link. Everything submitted is reviewed by a worldwide team of editors and once a degree of reliability and importance is established, the documents are posted online.

Through one of my sources, I’ve found some of the secrets that Wikileaks determined wasn’t important enough to publish, and I thought I’d share them here:

  • During Monicagate, the press originally reported that Clinton used a Cohiba cigar tube sexually with Monica Lewinsky. The truth is that it was a Gurkha Black Dragon cigar tube.
  • In the 2000 Special Olympics, the winner of the javelin throw bore a striking resemblance to former President George W. Bush. After the President’s unfortunate death by choking on a pretzel in 2002, this athlete was tasked to represent the President for the next six years. He was well coached, but in moments of indecision, deferred to the expertise of former Vice President Dick Cheney.
  • The CIA is directly responsible for both the Alvin and the Chipmunks and G-Force movies after research showed that several unfriendly foreign nations were working on super-cute intelligence-enhanced animals. By acting in advance to foster a healthy hatred of anthropomorphic animals, the CIA hoped this would help create additional resistance to the inevitable attacking animal forces.
  • There really is a Xenu.
  • The NSA has a little-known division called the Scat Holographic Investigative Team which collects urine and fecal specimens from every toilet in the country and gathers as much data as possible about dietary habits, drug use, changes in restaurant habits, and the national need for more sources of fiber.
  • 1 in every 4 UFO witnesses or abductees have had sexual relations with a sheep or cow at some point in their lives.
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9 Replies to “ – your source for state secrets”

  1. Freaky Weasel

    I understand the NSA Director of the S.H.I.T. Division is given the title of Duke. Oddly enough the position was once offered to Colin Powell, who declined as he felt the peons in the department tended to be too corny.

    The former Joint Chief made a smooth move to the State Department, where he worked with the UN to eliminate dirty bombs.

  2. hello haha narf

    there really is a xenu, eh?


    now what the fuck is a xenu? and no, i’m not gonna google that shit. if i am too stupid to understand what you are writing about, i’ll just sit here, not laughing and being confused. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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