It’s not an equal balance, having one son’s birthday on the anniversary of another son’s death. This isn’t the universe setting things right by giving you a child to care for who needs your special kind of love and attention coinciding with the void left by another.
It’s life, and this particular cycle has you as its center. You may think that your life revolves around that of your children, but the opposite is true. You are the center of their universe. Their source of life and strength and warmth and love.
In your situation, many people would have given up. I don’t know that I would have had the strength to continue, much less decide that my life was so fulfilled by having a disabled child that I wanted to welcome another one into my world. In this manner, you are a selfless person and act as an example of altruism, maternal instinct, and benevolence.
I’m so sorry that your son was taken from you at such a young age. I wasn’t around to witness the heartache or pain, but I hear it in your voice, even as you deflect it with humor. In the end, your pain will always be present, and your grief will always exist, but you continue doggedly, unflagged, unstopping. You have an amazing capacity for unconditional and absolute love, and I know that every child of yours is blessed to an inordinate degree as a result.