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Who should replace Regis Philbin?

Regis announced last week that he will be retiring from his talk show, “Live with Regis and INSERT NAME HERE”, where he has been interviewing celebrities for almost four hundred straight years.

Here is my top five list of potential replacements for Regis Philbin:

The Ghost of Andre the Giant

5.  The Ghost of Andre the Giant.
PROS:  Gentle, kind, friendly.
CONS:  Spandex leaves nothing to the imagination, can’t hold a cup of coffee.


4.  Dilbert
PROS:  Needs the exposure, won’t give Kelly Ripa any shit.
CONS:  He can be a bit two-dimensional.

Joe Pesci

3.  Joe Pesci
PROS:  He’s been in the industry for years and knows everyone.
CONS:  Guests must be warned not to laugh too hard at his jokes.

Jay Leno

2.  Jay Leno
PROS:  Putting him on daytime means we don’t have to see him at night.
CONS:  There may not be enough room in the budget for 48 writers who all come up with absolute shit.

Mel Gibson

1.  Mel Gibson
PROS:  Everybody would tune in to see what he would say.
CONS:  God save Kelly Ripa if she gets him mad.

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15 Replies to “Who should replace Regis Philbin?”

  1. Loukia

    Regis and Kelly held a contest to have men of radio on next week to co-host the show with Kelly… And out of literally thousands of men across USA and Canada, Ottawa’s own Mauler was chosen to be a co-host! He’s a morning radio host for a popular station here. He’ll be on on Tuesday! Go Canada!

  2. Wendy S.

    Or perhaps, Howard Stern? Not that I’m really crazy about him, but I’d love to see Kelly’s face when Stern talks about her boob size and how often she has sex. Although, Mad Max definitely would be entertaining. Good list..

  3. Grant

    They should assign a single day to five different people – Ebi-chan, the Unabomber, Jimmy Carter, Terry Bradshaw, and Ebi-chan. Then some science group could conduct studies on which day(s) of the week employees start calling in sick more often. I’m planning a lot of long weekends for myself if my plan goes through.

  4. SisterMerryHellish

    I vote for the ghost of Andre the Giant. I imagine him catching an unwitting Kelly Ripa in the scene from “The Princess Bride” where he’s rhyming, gets to the “Anybody want a peanut” part and she tries launches at him, only to fall through him (he’s a GHOST) and knock herself unconscious.

  5. Kirsty

    I’ve never seen the show (obviously), and don’t have any experience of what either Regis or Kelly is actually like, but can only believe that Mel Gibson would be a fitting replacement for just about anyone… he’s so tolerant, moderate, sensitive, politically correct… at least with him hosting you know no one’s going to get offended…

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