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The newest danger facing children today

On Sunday, the remote control was across the room, so I watched the news. A piece on legal over-the-counter drugs as the new menace to children today struck me as amusing, in a dark way. How many decades has the philosophy of journalism been fear-mongering? Whether it’s cigarettes, strangers, razor blades in candy, cars that are too quiet, obesity, illegal drugs, legal drugs, legal products that can get you high, legal products that can explode, overloaded surge protectors, carbon monoxide, road rage, texting while driving, texting while walking, texting while not sitting in a chair strapped in for safety, seat belts, e.coli, power lines, priests, Boy Scout leaders, any man anywhere, our school system, our national debt, terrorists, guns, gun control, knives, rusty metal, no vaccines, vaccines, eggs, not enough protein, too much protein, bullies, parents who are bullies, AOL, chatrooms, Myspace, and now, Facebook, children are apparently at an immediate, constant risk of severe injury or death and must be protected at all times from everything that exists, always.

This made me realize something. There is really only one danger that faces children today. There is only one real threat to the security, safety, and well-being of kids in America.

Parents.

Just think about it – it all starts with the parents. Even if it’s not the parents giving children access to all of these dangerous objects, or parents handling or supporting deadly activities, even if other people who aren’t parents created or orchestrated or otherwise were actively involved in being a danger to children, those people had parents, too! It’s almost spooky.

I’m working on more research for this, but I plan on presenting a freelance journalist piece about “Parents: The Ginormous Danger” to every major news outlet soon. And I just know that my Pulitzer won’t be far behind.

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24 Replies to “The newest danger facing children today”

  1. Kimberly

    Ding! Ding! Ding! You’ve got that right! If parents put as much time and energy into making sure their kid turned into a smart, considerate human being as they do in worrying and blaming everyone else, we’d all be a lot better off.

  2. Jennifer

    Totally! Parents are to blame for today’s youth’s issues. But I don’t think it’s anything new. Parents have been the problem since the beginning of time, people just don’t recognize it.

  3. Kirsty

    What a relief! Knowing that whatever I do, it’s all going to be my fault anyway takes such a weight off my shoulders… And makes me feel NOT AT ALL GUILTY about feeding the girls pizza and cupcakes last night.
    Phew, glad you finally cleared that up!

  4. Capricorn Cringe

    HA! I was almost surprised that no one realized the dangers parents present until now – and then I remembered you’re a genius and way ahead of your time. Thanks for saving us all 🙂

    (Also? This made me laugh out loud at a time when I desperately needed it. Thank you)

  5. Blondefabulous

    Yep! If a kid turns out to be an asinine jerk with a death wish, blame the parents!! Your kids hang out with hoodlums? It’s your fault! Your kids have time to try drugs and alcohol? I guess your ass should have had them in activities and been there for them! It’s not hard. I take pride that my kids know how to behave in public, unlike so many other crotch spawn I see behaving like wild animals! First thing you think about when you see craptastical kids being asses, “Lousy damn parents!”.

  6. Annabelle

    Absolutely correct.

    Look at the Peanuts gang, no parents anywhere to be seen, and they were fine.
    Lord of the Flies, I didn’t finish it, but those boys seemed to be getting along nicely.

    And I think we all remember that poignant PSA where Little Johnnie reveals, that when it comes to drugs, “I learned it from you, Dad.”

  7. Annabelle

    Absolutely correct.

    Look at the Peanuts gang, no parents anywhere to be seen, and they were fine.
    Lord of the Flies, I didn’t finish it, but those boys seemed to be getting along nicely.

    And I think we all remember that poignant PSA where Little Johnnie reveals, that when it comes to drugs, “I learned it from you, Dad.”

  8. thepsychobabble

    I mostly agree with you. Although I would like to submit that there are parents that do it “right” and still wind up with degenerate hoodlums for offspring. But.
    I do like to think that my parenting will have a bigger effect than MyFace or The Evil Video Game Industry, or whatever the current scapegoat is.

  9. rory

    Miss Carol and me don’t have any kids but I can empathize.
    I’m not so sure it’s all the parents fault. I think maybe they’re just over-compensating for not being able to be there.
    It’s waaay easier to buy little johnny a new video game and plug him in while you have your cocktail after a 12 hour day than it is to sit and read him a book, or maybe talk to him.
    It sucks.
    Kids don’t have a chance.
    And I feel bad for parents.

  10. Employee No. 3699

    Parents lay the foundation for their children and society plays the role of subcontractor; commercialism and idealism are the decorators. As much as parents try to be the general contractor and see the project through, it’s usually just a house of cards. Some times it’s a royal flush and others it’s a matter of shitty neighbors and the kid just wanting to keep up with The Joneses.

  11. Kristin

    There’s no way to win as parents. Either the media (and other parents) scream about how my kid is allowed to plug items into the electrical outlet (because it’s not safe) or they scream when my kid sticks his tongue into it (because he’s not been taught about outlet safety). Same goes with bikes, walking across the street, eating cheeseballs, or whatnot.

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