Adam Avitable is a stand-up comedian

The unfunnies

I’ve seen someone online somewhere talk about what they called an anti-joke, which is basically a bit that sets up a premise like a joke but isn’t one in any way at all.  I liked the idea and came up with a few.  Unfortunately, I don’t think that they work for my type of stand-up, but I thought I’d share them here.

Two midgets walk into a bar, which happens to meet all ADA standards for people with disabilities.

Bill Clinton, the Pope, and Michael Jackson are all on a plane, which is highly implausible because Michael Jackson is dead.

A homophobic man is getting his very first prostate exam, after which is doctor pronounces him healthy.

In first grade, little Timmy is asked to use the word “assume” in a sentence.  He does so properly and receives an “A”.

There once was a man from Nantucket who died in a tragic car accident.

A newlywed couple is having sex for the first time, and they are both virgins.  The sex is awkward and over quickly but enjoyable nonetheless.

A very old man who has a very young new wife dies suddenly.  In his will, he leaves a reasonable inheritance for his children and his new wife separately, to everyone’s relief.

A Democrat and a Republican are drinking next to each other in a bar and find out that they both have similar marital issues.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.  I reserve the right to steal them for my own use if they’re funnier than mine.

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11 Replies to “The unfunnies”

  1. Poppy

    I thought of one this morning after reading this post last night, but I couldn’t work out how to condense it more so I forgot it. I don’t think this is my specialty, but I enjoy the concept.

  2. Superjules

    Knock Knock.
    Who’s there?
    The FedEx delivery man, with the book you ordered from Amazon two days ago.

    A priest and a rabbi are in a cab. They split the fare.

    A man walks out of his bedroom without any pants on and into the laundry room where he puts on his pants.

  3. Anon

    My favorite anti-joke actually comes from the remains of what was one of my favorite jokes. (I kind of get a kick out of making people uncomfortable…)

    The setup: “What’s the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron?”
    Original answer: “I don’t have a tire iron in the trunk of my car.”
    Post-recurrent pregnancy loss answer: “I’ve never forcibly expelled a tire iron from my uterus.”

  4. cbeck

    Your mother is so fat that she should see a specialist about getting a gastric bypass.

    How can you tell if a man is turned on? That’s what she said.

    So this jewish guy walks into a bar… Hey, what are you laughing at? It’s not funny. He’s blind and that was the third damn time he ran into it since his seeing-eye dog died last week. It hurts. How would you like to be handicapped and walk into a bar?

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