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Sarah Palin’s History Lessons

Last week, Sarah Palin shared an interesting take on Paul Revere’s famous Midnight Ride, stating that “… he who warned the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.”

Let’s not ignore the fact that Paul Revere actually got detained by British troops and it was one of his fellow riders who rode through Lexington and Concord in Massachusetts and that the entire Midnight Ride is based on a Longfellow poem. But I would guess that your average American wouldn’t know that, so let’s assume that most people know the popular lore set forth by Longfellow. The poem where Revere had to sneak around and warn people using signal lights because he was trying to avoid British forces and most decidedly not using warning shots or bells.

Sarah Palin winking

I mean, either way, Palin is about as informed as Bill or Ted before they took their excellent adventure. If only her confusion about the Midnight Ride was the only issue, but it’s not. Here are some more of her historical proclamations:

  • “Well, ya know, we beat those Communists to space and then to that there moon with good ol’ American knowhow and small town spirit, and Louis Armstrong, well, he stepped on the moon and said “That’s one small step for America and one giant leap for democracy.”
  • “Rosa Parks, well, she got sick of how all these big government types were, like, infringing on her race and her right to bear arms, and she took over that bus and drove it right to the White House to tell them, ‘Hey, we don’t want any of yer nonsense!’
  • “And then Geena Davis, well, ya know, she hit a home run, and President Teddy Roosevelt, well, he thought to himself that if women could play in a baseball league, well, I betcha they should get the right to vote.”
  • “The Muslims, with their Slayer law, why, they weasled into our fine government and terrorized the good small-town American who likes a beer with his dinner by pushing through Prohibition in 1918 or thereabouts.”
  • “All of these bigwigs in Washington wanted to spend your small-town money on these so-called liberal “green initiatives” but our friends in Russia, which I can see from my house, had verified evidence that there was no Greenhouse Effect, and so we had a Cold War.”
  • “That’s when George Dubya Bush, well, he won the popular vote.”
  • “But, you see, there was a giant smoke monster that was like this cork in the world, and because we didn’t have any guns, we couldn’t kill it, so we all died on that island and now we’re in some type of liberal Purgatory with all types of ‘gotcha’ questions.”
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28 Replies to “Sarah Palin’s History Lessons”

  1. Nicci Rae

    I swear, if she becomes president, I am going to go to the embassy in Denmark and denounce my citizenship. It’s too much trouble now to travel as an American anyway. I travel only as a Swede.

  2. Kirsten

    And my husband wonders why I don’t like her. I refuse to vote for anyone who sounds as dumb as my sister does (the same sister, who while totally sober, once asked me what the meaning of books was).

  3. Zoeyjane

    She didn’t really say those things, did she? I mean, you’re just using artistic license, right? No one – who could become a major controller of one of the most controlling countries in the world – can be that stupid, right?

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