I Call It Dating. You Call It Stalking.

My One Year Divorceversary

Adam Avitable


It was one year ago today that I went to my official divorce proceedings.  If you haven’t read that post, go check it out.  I’ll wait.

And here I am, one year later.  Wiser?  Maybe.  Happier?  Sometimes.  Better?  Not necessarily.  Just . . . different.

I still miss things, like. . .  Having someone to watch your favorite shows with and to laugh with.  Knowing that there’s someone there for you no matter what and being there for someone when they need you.  Talking about your day and hashing out problems and sharing the burden of life.  Laying next to someone in bed, every night.

I’m functioning on my own, but still not to a point where I’m happy with who single Adam is.  I may keep my house relatively clean, but there are times when I let the bills go for a month without looking at them and can’t even think about touching the dishes in the sink. I may make my bed every single morning but that doesn’t mean that there are some mornings when I can barely bring myself to leave it.  I enjoy the quiet of a still home at time, and other times I talk to myself to shatter the silence.  I know I’m still terribly broken, but the pieces are slowly fitting together as time flies by.

I last saw her a year ago (well, except for this awkward day a few months later), and to this day, I still have nothing but hope that she will be happy.  I feel regret that I had to take the steps that I did, because I know all it did was sow confusion and resentment, but when I had the realization that contentment did not equal happiness, I knew I needed change. And I think it was tearing my life apart and rebuilding from scratch that has sharpened my focus on my future and given me that real potential of finding what everyone wants in life:  happiness.

So, today is my one-year divorceversary.  It’s not a time for congratulations nor a time for regret.  It is a celebration of sorts – one year from the day that new Adam was thrust, naked, hairy, and scared, into a new world.

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33 Replies to “My One Year Divorceversary”

  1. Moon HalloranLeady

    You have grown a lot. And I fully believe that “what does not kill you makes you stronger.”

    And you ARE stronger…and pursuing your dream. Could you have done that a year ago? Only you can answer that.

    You’ll be fine. Somewhere out there is an unattached woman like me who likes big hairy men with a ginormous sense of humor and good grammar. 😉

    In the meantime, wash your dishes already. Honestly….ewww,,,

  2. Hockeymandad

    I think you’re less hairy now. Also, since you drink now, any celebration will be more celebratory! Or more depressing, so don’t drink too much and go that road. Picturing you preaching “never again” to ta toilet is mildy disturbing.

  3. Megan

    This is all a process. You are moving toward the things you most want and not settling for something else. That’s wonderful. I only wish that you seemed happier in the now. I know you’re mourning a loss, even if it was your choice, but I do hope you are excited about the future.

    I read something somewhere that said, essentially, stop looking for someone to love and focus on doing what you love and the right someone will find you.

    Hang tough. xo

  4. SisterMerryHellish

    It’s like you’re a single one-year old. Wait, that doesn’t sound right.
    You’re a first-year singleton, and while it has to be a difficult adjustment, by the end of your sophomore year you’ll have moved so far away from the scared freshman you were, you won’t think about him anymore.

    It gets better. 😉

  5. MBob

    If you count the actual divorce date, it’s been about 6 months. Since the beginning of my battle to become the me I was supposed to be, it’s been almost 2 years. I feel everything about your post (even the hairy parts). You, oddly, are the the person I feel has the most familiarity/sympathy/true understanding of what I’ve been going through – and we don’t even know each other. Knowing that you’re out there, apparently feeling such similar emotions, really is helpful and comforting to me. Please know that I’m out here cheerleading for you (topless if need be!) and urging you to get out of bed on those days when you can’t motivate yourself. Many thanks for sharing your experience so I don’t feel so alone. (Did ya see how I threw in that topless thing, so this wasn’t too heavy?) Much love!

  6. Lesley @Avalea

    Big milestone. You said it perfectly… “the pieces are slowly fitting together as time flies by”. Yes indeed, this journey we’re on is a slow one. Though time doesn’t wait, you are exactly on the schedule you need to be. On those days that your reclusive side wins, give me a shout. I’m probably hiding under the bed.

    Continued healing and warmth, my friend. xoxo

  7. Not Margalit

    Jeeeesus, you’re starting to sound about as functional and useful as fucking MARGALIT. Seriously, is that who you want to become?

    It’s well beyond time to snap the fuck out of it. The people who tell you it will “just take time” are simply reflecting their own emotional laziness and you sure as hell don’t need permission to wallow for another year.

    The ME ME MY PAIN ME ME ME ME Train does not lead to happiness. Waiting for time to pass does not work. Wallowing does not lead to happiness. Ruminating on failure does not make one happy.

    Get off your fat ass and go do something good for someone else. Find someone who truly has a reason to be miserable (missing limbs, terminal illness, tornado damage, kid with cancer, etc) and make their day a better one. That really IS what it’s all about.

    If you wait for your mood to follow your actions, you will probably die fat and alone with dirty dishes in the sink. It doesn’t work that way. Start living better, start thinking about other people and the rest will follow.

  8. Poppy

    Hopefully you still feel it was the right thing to do. Externally, I believe it was.

    I haven’t talked to my ex since he wrote me a scathing email back in 2008 about how I wasn’t a minder reader and didn’t warn him that the company I made car payments to would be bothering him about changing the primary name on the bill for the car I was awarded in the divorce, then wrote a follow-up email about how I am a horrible person for telling him to never speak to me that way again. Aaaaaand, very happy to no longer be a part of whatever world is living in his head. But I still hope he has found happiness.

  9. Robin

    Sometimes the hardest journeys are the ones that bring us the farthest. I know going through Manly Man’s divorce made me grow up in a way I really needed to. Going through his 2 1/2 years of unemployment is incredibly hard but I’m hoping it means better things in the future. You have such good stuff out there along the way and I can’t wait for it all to come for you.

  10. Nenette

    I know this is late, and I should’ve left this comment when I first read this post, but I’ve come back to it to say that I’m so very proud of you for being so brave and for not settling. You’re a good, kind — and hairy — person, who I’m so lucky to call my friend, and you deserve so much more than just contentment.
    I wish you all the happiness you can attain on this journey of yours, and if you need me, I’ll be here — okay, physically across the northern border, but internetly pretty close by — for you. xo

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