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Can I Come Up With 25 Things That You, The Internet, Don’t Know About Me?

After over 7 years and almost 2,500 posts, I think it’s likely that I have told you pretty much everything about me.  So, seeing this challenge done by Nic and Miss as they participated in some ridiculously titled “Blog Hop”, I decided to challenge myself to come up with 25 really obscure things that I’ve never mentioned before.

25.  I got my very first CD when I was 13 in 1990, and it was a Christmas present from my parents, along with a Sony Discman.  That CD was Wilson Phillips’s self-titled album.

24.  When I was in high school, for my friend Gjerome’s birthday, we went to Jungle Jim’s, a theme restaurant.  For his present, he wanted to see me consume the Headhunter burger, which was a pound of beef, covered in every possible topping, accompanied by a pound of french fries.  I remember the olives and pickles being the worst part of the entire meal, but I ate it all in less than an hour (winning a certificate for a free one on my next visit).  I was so full that I think all of the blood rushed to my stomach to help digest the food, causing me to feel drunk.  I couldn’t see straight, I slurred my words, and once I got home, I passed out.

23.  Unless I’m in a rush, I will stop and offer assistance to anyone who is stranded on the side of the road.

22.  I hate closing my blinds.  This was a problem in college when my dorm looked out onto the main campus.  After numerous naked Avitable sightings, the Dean of Students made me see the school therapist to make sure that this wasn’t indicative of some larger psychological problem.  Obviously, I fooled him.

21.  When I was a camp counselor for a summer, there was a little shithead who was trying to tie my shoelaces together on the bus.  After stopping him twice, the third time I caught him, I gripped him by the arm and brought him up to another part of the bus and made him sit with someone else.  We went to a water park all day where he was rough-housing with his friends and had to sit out numerous times.  The next day, his parents complained that he was bruised on his arms and legs (from the rough-housing) and he told them that I did it to him.  They called Child Protective Services, and I had to leave my job while they investigated me.  By the time the investigation was over, and, of course, I was found completely clear of any suspicion whatsoever, the summer was over.  Those parents also rented movies from the video store that I worked at, and as revenge, I would constantly add a $50 balance due to their account and check all of their movies in late.  It was either that or burn their house down with them inside.  I really liked that camp job.

20.  I used to love black olives until I was around 5.  From that point on, I hated them.

19.  I was 4 the first time I fell in love, and it was with a red-headed girl named Julie Wallace.

18.  There are times that I worry that I’m borderline sociopathic given my ability to analyze situations and manipulate people, but then I know that the fact that I worry about it means that I’m not.  Also, I really like Dexter.

17.  I married the first person I had sex with.

16.  When I was in first grade, I went to see a speech therapist because my teachers and parents were worried that I had a speech impediment.  Turns out that I was just trying to talk too fast because I had so much to say.  I think I’m still like that.

15.  If they made Superman underoos for fat men, I would wear them.

14.  I’m actually quite a good cook, but I’m too lazy to plan a meal, buy ingredients, prepare them, cook it, eat it, and then clean up after it, especially for just one person.  Or even two.  That’s why I limit my cooking to preparing Christmas dinner for the entire family.

13.  I would never do any hard drug unless it tasted like chocolate.  Then I’d be giving handies on the corner for money to get more choco-heroin.

12.  If I thought I could start my own cult without it ending in mass suicide or an FBI siege, I would do it in a heartbeat. I have a lot of respect for what L. Ron Hubbard did, even if I hate Scientology.

11.  I haven’t eaten a piece of fruit in three or four years.

10.  As a teenager, I had acne so bad that I took Tetracycline and used Retin-A, and my mother was worried about scarring, but now I have damn near perfect skin with only the occasional blemish.

9.  I’m surprisingly susceptible to other people’s opinions.

8.  One of my goals is to be thanked in someone’s Oscar- or Emmy-winning speech someday.

7.  I would never, and will never, join the military in any capacity.  I don’t do well following orders, and I am not nationalistic in any way.  Besides, I could learn to live a life with poutine and no Target.

6.  Gore in movies doesn’t bother me at all unless it has to do with mutilation to eyeballs or removing teeth.  That freaks me out and I don’t like watching that.

5.  There are times that I regret the fact that the lap-band prevents me from sitting down and enjoying a burger and fries, instead of 4-6 ounces of the burger patty and one or two fries.  Those times are rare, but they do exist.

4.  I have always wanted to be like Data from Goonies.

3.  I believe in soulmates and I think that each of us has more than one out there.

2.  When I like a song, I will listen to it on replay for hours and hours.  I won’t get sick of it and it becomes almost hypnotic.

1.  I will never be satisfied with making most people laugh or cry or applaud or react in whatever way I want them to.  I will always worry and nitpick about the ones who didn’t.  If it’s not 100%, I’m not doing it right.

Avitable sticking his tongue out

There’s my 25 new things that I’ve never written before.  Where are yours?

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59 Replies to “Can I Come Up With 25 Things That You, The Internet, Don’t Know About Me?”

  1. Dave2

    Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye!
    ‘Til then baby, are you going to let ’em hold you down and make you cry?
    Don’t you know? Don’t you know things can change? Things’ll go your way!
    If you hold on for one more day!

    Thanks a lot you bastard… now that’s stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

  2. Elizabeth

    I don’t think I’ll get to make an acceptance speech, so I won’t be able to thank you but you could have a major award. Like, the leg lamp on A Christmas Story. It was a MAJOR award and it was from fra-gee-lee!

  3. Rachel

    This was a great list but the cult thing doesn’t surprise me. At all. I would join your cult and then thank you for changing my life when I win an Oscar. Just make sure it’s a cult where we all get famous and stinking rich.

  4. Neeroc

    7. We are totally, totally getting Target! They bought out one of our other discount chains. (I may have cartwheeled) C’mon up!

    As for doing this? I’m so not known that this would be too easy…except for the fact that my sister is one of my 3 readers, and the shit she doesn’t know is the shit you don’t publish on the interdohickies.

  5. Anna Tyrone

    My first CD was Hanson… and I’m very proud of that and still have it.
    Also, eat some fucking fruit. You’re going to get Scurvy. Fruit snacks don’t count… even if they’re shaped like fruit.
    Let’s see if I can say “fruit” one more time.


    • Avitable

      @Sarah, I want to take another trip back out to the LA area sometime in the next six months hopefully, and maybe Vegas in December. My house is always open to guests, so you can come visit anytime you want!

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