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Schwinnnggg! It’s a giveaway! And pop culture trivia! And exclamation points!!!

It’s been a while since I gave anything away to you, my obsessed faithful stalkers readers. Way back in the good ol’ days of blogging, I used to have contests every week, where I would test your knowledge and ability to read my mind with quotes and references to TV shows, movies, and music.

Today, though, people don’t want to think or write out answers. They want the easy way out. They want to just leave a generic comment and be in the running for an awesome product. Should I give the people what they want?

Resoundingly, I say “Fuck no”!

As you know, I have put together a calendar that I am selling for the low price of $11.99, which includes shipping and a personal note/drawing on the calendar, with all proceeds going to a local animal charity. I’m really hoping to raise a significant amount of money for this dog rescue, so if you have an extra $12 floating around in your Paypal account, which is barely enough for a ticket to go see Adam Sandler’s new shit-fest Jack and Jill plus you won’t even have enough money for a bullet to kill yourself after, send it my way by clicking the image below and make some older dogs really happy.

The Avitable 12-month calendar

This is your prize. Two lucky winners will receive free copies of the calendar in time for Christmas. The rest of you fuckers will have a terrible, sad, Charlie Bucket type of Christmas.

How can you win this amazing prize, you are probably asking yourself or random people sitting around you? It’s simple. Read the following short story and see how many TV and movie references you can get. The two top scorers win, and if multiple people score in the top, I’ll randomly pick a winner. Leave your answers (which means a list of the actual movies and TV show titles) in the comments. All decisions are final, and I reserve the right to call you a sore loser with poor pop culture knowledge.

And . . . . go! Oh, and hint: There are 30 references to find.

In the year 2000, on the outskirts of the city of Bomont, a blue box appeared on the horizon, hovering over Macho Grande before landing with an almost graceful, sensual crash. The door to the box opened, and its occupants, two young men wearing shirts representing a poorly spelled band named after untamed horses, emerged carefully.

One of the men reached into Backpack and pulled out a book, wrapped in plastic. Unwrapping it cautiously, he avoided the biting, gnashing teeth on the cover, and turned to page 394. Walking to the intersection of the two roads, he quickly recited this incantation: “Klaatu Baraka Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo Echolls Mars Fyarl Snoochies”.

Instantly a woman with orange hair stood before them wearing nothing but white bandages strategically wrapped around her torso. “Yes?” she asked, her eyes flashing with a metallic green glow.

“Umm, evil lady dude, we want to know our density – umm, I mean destiny,” stammered the shorter of the two men.

“And then?”

“Well, and then we’ll give you our souls. Well, just mine. His is already claimed by gypsies.”

“One is enough, as long as you satisfy one additional demand.”

“What is it?”

“It’s an insistent authoritative request, but that’s not important right now. I want your permission to slap you, one time, at some point in the future without warning.”

“Ok. Let’s make a deal.”

She wrinkled her nose and bobbed her head. “Done.” Her voice lingered on the air like her scent as she disappeared.

In her place was a cardboard box marked “Fragile”. The men knelt around it. “What’s in the box?” one asked.

Lifting out a delicious smelling apple gruyere pie, the taller man shrugged, said, “Well, it’s not our destiny, but at least it’s not $240 worth of pudding,” and began to eat.

The End.

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36 Replies to “Schwinnnggg! It’s a giveaway! And pop culture trivia! And exclamation points!!!”

  1. abigail.road

    Hmmm… this is tough, but I have some guesses.

    Bomont is where Footloose was based.
    Macho Grande – Striker quote from Airplane ( 1 or 2?)
    The two young men are Bill and Ted. Duh. Wild Stallions!
    Page 394 – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?
    Snoochies – reference to Jay and Silent Bob?
    Let’s Make a Deal – game show
    Wrinkling nose and bobbing head – I Dream of Jeannie
    $240 Worth of Pudding was a sketch on The State, I believe.

    If I’m right about any of them, that’s 8 out of 30. Balls.

    The orange haired evil lady and the box marked fragile are driving me crazy….can’t figure ’em out.

  2. Allyson

    On the first run-through, I get 16. In no particular order, because I wrote them down on a small paper and had to keep turning it to find room;
    1Footloose
    2Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
    3Evil Dead
    4Cinderella
    5 5th Element
    6Dude, Where’s My Car
    7Let’s Make a Deal
    8I Dream of Jeanie
    9Jay and Silent Bob (from any of their movies)
    10Back to the Future
    11Dora the Explorer
    12Harry Potter Deathly Hollows
    13Airplane!
    14A Christmas Story
    15The State
    16Two and a Half Men

    I have to admit, I really want to google a few of these, because I can see them in my mind’s eye, but I have faith that they’ll come to me during the day. How long do I have?

  3. B.E. Earl

    I’ll give it a go:

    1 – Conan O’Brien – any of his shows]
    2 – Dr. Who
    3 – Footloose
    4 – Airplane!
    5 – Bill & Ted’s Awesome Adventure
    6 – The Book of Eli
    7 – The Evil Dead
    8 – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (or one of the others)
    9 – Cinderella?
    10 – Veronica Mars
    11 – Buffy, the Vampire Slayer
    12 – Clerks (any J&SB film)
    13 – The Fifth Element
    14 – Big Trouble in Little China – flashing green eyes?
    15 – Back to the Future
    16 – Dude, Where’s My Car?
    17 – Angel
    18 – Airplane…II?
    19 – How I Met Your Mother?
    20 – Let’s Make a Deal
    21 – I Dream of Jeannie
    22 – A Christmas Story
    23 – Seven
    24 – Pushing Daisies
    25 – The State
    26 – The End (obviously)

    No idea on the other four.

  4. Laurie Ann

    1. Conan
    2. Footloose
    3. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
    4. Mulholland Drive
    5. Airplane II (or the porn movie “Macho Grande”)
    6. Constantine
    7. Harry Potter and the Prison of Azkaban
    8. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
    9. Crossroads
    10. The Day the Earth Stood Still
    11. Cinderella
    12. Veronica Mars
    13. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    14. Clerks (or any Jay and Silent Bob)
    15. Fifth Element
    16. Back to the Future
    17. Dude, Where’s My Car
    18. Angel
    19. Airplane
    20. How I Met Your Mother
    21. I Dream of Jeanie
    22. A Christmas Story
    23. Seven
    24. Pushing Daisies
    25. The State
    26. The End

    I also want to say Clash of the Titans, maybe, but don’t count it unless seriously wrong answers don’t count.

  5. LeSombre

    Since my first contact with you was a comment I left on a Trivia post (the answer was “Andy Richter Controls the Universe”), it seems fitting that I give this a try. 😉

    I found 31, but I included the title of the post. I’m pretty sure I’m at least missing the one about the Gypsies. 😉

    +++++
    Schwinnnggg [Wayne’s World]! It’s a giveaway! And pop culture trivia! And exclamation points!!!

    In the year 2000 [Conan O’Brian] , on the outskirts of the city of Bomont [Footloose], a blue box appeared on the horizon, [Dr. Who] hovering over Macho Grande [Airplane 2] before landing with an almost graceful, sensual crash. The door to the box opened, and its occupants, two young men wearing shirts representing a poorly spelled band named after untamed horses [Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure] , emerged carefully.
    One of the men reached into Backpack [Dora the Explorer] and pulled out a book [Book of Eli], wrapped in plastic [Dexter] . Unwrapping it cautiously, he avoided the biting, gnashing teeth on the cover [Army of Darkness] , and turned to page 394 [Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban] . Walking to the intersection of the two roads, he quickly recited this incantation: “Klaatu Baraka [The Day the Earth Stood Still.] Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo [Cinderella] Echolls Mars [Veronica Mars] Fyarl [Buffy] Snoochies [Clerks] ”.
    Instantly a woman with orange hair stood before them wearing nothing but white bandages strategically wrapped around her torso [The Fifth Element]. “Yes?” she asked, her eyes flashing with a metallic green glow [The Green Lantern].
    “Umm, evil lady dude, we want to know our density – umm, I mean destiny [Back to the Future],” stammered the shorter of the two men.
    “And then ? [Dude, Where’s my car?]”
    “Well, and then we’ll give you our souls. Well, just mine. His is already claimed by gypsies. [???]”
    “One is enough, as long as you satisfy one additional demand [Columbo] .”
    “What is it?”
    “It’s an insistent authoritative request, but that’s not important right now [Airplane]. I want your permission to slap you , one time, at some point in the future without warning. [How I met your Mother]”
    “Ok. Let’s make a deal. [Once upon a Time]”
    She wrinkled her nose and bobbed her head [I dream of Jeannie]. “Done.” Her voice lingered on the air like her scent as she disappeared.
    In her place was a cardboard box marked “Fragile”. The men knelt around it. “What’s in the box?” one asked [Se7en].
    Lifting out a delicious smelling apple gruyere pie [Pushing Daisies], the taller man shrugged, said, “Well, it’s not our destiny, but at least it’s not $240 worth of pudding [The State] ,” and began to eat.
    The End [Every single movie known to man] .
    +++++

  6. metalmom

    Fucking LeSombre!!!

    anyhoodles….

    1-Footloose
    2-Conan Obrien
    3-Dr Who
    4-Airplane 2
    5-Harry Potter-Prisoner of Azkaban
    6-Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
    7-Dora the Explorer
    8-Evil Dead
    9-Sleeping Beauty
    10-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    11-Veronica Mars
    12-Dude Where’s My Car
    13-Clerks
    14-Fifth Element
    15-How I Met Your Mother
    16-Sin City
    17-Christmas Story
    18-Seven
    19-Pushing Daisies
    20-I Dream of Jeannie
    21-the Slate
    title-Wayne’s World

    Handicap-took a sleeping pill and was waiting for it to kick in.

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