Adam Avitable fixing a car

Things You Can Do If You’re A Real Man

When I got a request from the rep for Eckler’s Chevelle asking if I would be willing to write a sponsored post talking about working on my car, I may have laughed until I peed myself a little.

While the environment has been shifting to be more accepting that men come in all shapes and sizes, there is still a general consensus with regards to what activities, desires, actions, and thoughts are “manly” and belong to someone who can identify himself as a “real man.” And that’s most definitely not me. I have plenty of good traits, and I’m very clearly a man and do manly things, but there are so many elements with which I don’t identify nor am I capable of understanding. Sure, there are a lot of generalizations, but what good is the Internet if you can’t make sweeping statements like the ones below?

  • Real men can drink beer for enjoyment. I can only drink beer if I make an “icky” face while I do it.
  • Real men don’t mind getting their hands dirty and enjoy creating something with hard work and their own two hands. I would rather not screw up my manicure.
  • Real men like women who are stacked like hot air balloons. I like the ABCs of boobs.
  • Real men would restore a classic car on the weekends for fun. I spend my weekends with the Gilmore Girls DVD set and watch it over and over again.
  • Real men like to watch sports and go to Superbowl parties. I like to sit in the kitchen and talk, except during the commercials.
  • Real men process their thoughts and emotions internally. I talk everything out (and I do mean everything) ad nauseam.
  • Real men read newspapers and magazines and thrillers and mysteries. I read Twilight and the Hunger Games series.
  • Real men have gotten into a fight. I got beaten up once when I was 12.
  • Real men cry at that one scene from Armageddon when Bruce Willis dies. I cry when Juno MacGuff gives birth in Juno.

Obviously, there are exceptions, and I fully expect at least one Real Man of Genius (® Budweiser) to comment and be outraged that he doesn’t do one of those things but he’s a real man. Of course you are, sweetheart. And yes, I know women do these things too. THIS IS BROAD STEREOTYPICAL HUMOR, PEOPLE, SO STOP BEING SO LITERAL.

Adam Avitable fixing a car

Disclosure: I received compensation for writing this post.
Additional disclosure: I’m not wearing any pants right now.
Final disclosure: I just ate an entire bag of coconut M&Ms. I’m not proud.

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24 Replies to “Things You Can Do If You’re A Real Man”

  1. B.E. Earl

    Real men can rock a ponytail. Or a chrome-dome. Right?

    There are many “real man” activities that I don’t give a crap about. But I do wish I knew how to restore a car or even do some minor repair work. But besides changing a tire or jump-starting a dead battery, I got nothing.

  2. alan7933

    Alright, I guess I should respond here. I’m also not a real man. When I got out of the Army in 1958 I took a VA aptitude test. Actually I believe it was something like the Cudor (sp?) Preference test where you are asked which you prefer (ex. playing football or reading a book) and when they gave me my results they told me I was very effeminate and at the age of 20 or 21 I was crushed. I finally got over it. I like a lot of chick flicks; I’m not a sports fan (exept for the Detroit Tigers and the MSU Spartans); I don’t know how to change a tire and don’t want to know, (that’s why AAA or other road services were invented) and I don’t have a bunch of guys I hang around with. I’m still very comfortable with my masculinity. I hope I supplied support for your feminine/masculine sides.

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