A clever crop of questions populated the first part of this eight-part series of questions and answers, culminating on my birthday on January 26th. This next group mixes philosophy, life choices, theoretical time travel, and other random mundanities about my life. Enjoy.
Jesse asked: Why did you become an ordained minister?
Simply enough, one of my closest friends asked me to take whatever steps were necessary so that I could be the one to officiate his wedding to his fiancee. I wrote the entire ceremony from scratch, peppering it with references to their favorite TV shows, foods, and activities, and when I was done, I realized how much I truly enjoyed the entire process.
Since then, I’ve done several more weddings, and I’ve started booking weddings with people I don’t even know who want an informal wedding that is touched with humor. I love getting to be that person who joins two happy people in matrimony.
Jennifer asked: Do women really have the love life of our choosing? Or are we all stuck on the hamster wheel, chicken and egg style?
Women and men do have the love life that we choose. You are in complete control of the person you decide to commit to. And sometimes it takes a little trial and error. Each relationship gives us lessons to learn for the next one. What’s important is if we pay attention to those lessons. Repeating the same mistakes time and time again can make one feel rudderless, but all you have to do is reach out and grab the wheel.
Rose asked: If you could time travel to only one moment in history, stay there for 24 hours to observe only, and then come back to the present- when and where would you go?
History doesn’t interest me much. I’ve learned what I can from it, but I’m not well versed in it, and remembering times and dates that had significance in our past doesn’t seem like a valuable use of my time. I wouldn’t care about seeing the Declaration of Independence being signed or the first telephone call or anything along those lines. I know they happened, so why would I need to witness it.
So I thought about a time in our history that I would sincerely want to observe, and that would be an era when dinosaurs were far from extinction. Being able to see the world and the creatures living within and above it would be the only breathtaking moment from history I can imagine.
Shelby asked: What is your favorite position to sleep in?
Unlike Marty McFly, I sleep in a more comfortable position. I roll my pillow up into an object a third of its original size, put one arm underneath it, and sleep face first, with my head turned and my knee bent. Unless I’m drunk. Then my favorite position is apparently to fall asleep on the couch, sitting upright, with some type of Taco Bell or snack food in my hand.
Victoria asked: Will you remember us all when you have Seinfeld opening for you?
I’m realistic enough to know that the only way that will happen is if there’s an untalented, unfunny comedian who just started out and is hosting shows, and his name is something like Bob Seinfeld. Jerry Seinfeld will never open for me, but I would love to reach a point in my life when I work beside him.
And I’ll forget most people, but not you. Never you, Victoria!
Doug asked: What is your biggest disappointment about being a Mustang owner? How could Ford improve their product? Would you make the same choice again?
I’m not a car guy. I can change a tire and change the oil, but I would rather have someone else do it. I like my Mustang because it’s fast and fun to drive. I think the rear wheel drive, while fun to accelerate when driving straight, makes turning while accelerating a bad, bad idea, and driving fast in the rain an even worse one. And the gas tank has a weird defect that prevents the gas pump shut-off gauge from working properly, but that’s minor.
I took this car out for a test drive and bought it immediately. I would make that same choice again every time.
Shelby asked: Why are you bald?
Short answer is that it was hot one day and I posted online that I wanted to shave my head. Everybody said “No! Don’t do it! It might look terrible!” so I decided that I should do it.
But just watch this video and see – no seriously, watch the whole video. It’s worth it:
(Plus, I was getting a little thin on top and was self conscious about it, so might as well. I hate the whole “I’ll just wear a hat” look because I think it’s generally trashy and unprofessional.)
Rose asked: What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
I’m really uncomfortable answering this question. I think that it’s also based on the person’s situation. Loaning a friend money to pay her rent may be the nicest thing anyone’s done for her, but just being there for someone else in her time of need may be the nicest thing for her. It’s so subjective!
If I look at how it feels for me to be able to be there for someone, the nicest thing I’ve probably ever done is just be a friend, not judge someone for their mistakes, and help them regain their confidence and self-worth. I think that trumps all the times I’ve loaned money or bought someone a necessity.
Stacy asked: What was the first major you declared in college, and what would your life be like if you hadn’t changed it?
My first major was my only major. I took a wide variety of courses at the liberal arts college I went to, Washington and Lee University, and found myself enamored with the little red house on campus where I went for my Japanese class. It was so different from everything else, and with my college being way too homogenous, mired in group think, from fraternity and sorority brainwashing to conservative bullshit, I felt compelled to take the less traveled path. My BA is in East Asian Studies, and even though that doesn’t offer much in the way of career potential, I’m glad I chose it.
And part two is over! Every day this week, ending on my birthday on January 26th, I’ll post more questions and answers.
In the meantime:
- Check out Part One of my AMA,
- Don’t go buy me birthday presents to make me love you more by visiting my Amazon.com wish list,
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