Recently, I have become aware of an imminent plan to cause trouble and chaos throughout the United States that will take place tomorrow, our Independence Day, on the Fourth of July.
In every state and in almost every city in our great nation, there are insurgents who will be planning on seeding our air, water and soil with poisonous chemicals. These chemicals, including heavy metals, dioxins, and perchlorates, can cause severe health effects to all who are exposed. Some of the chemicals like barium nitrate will affect our lungs, and others like potassium perchlorate can affect our thyroids and even create birth defects.
If that’s not bad enough, this process of poisoning the best country in the world was developed in pre-Communist China and further enhanced in an Italy prior to rule by Axis Power dictator Benito Mussolini. To compound the destruction of the health of our citizens and the land we rely on to survive, these poisons will be set aflame, burning throughout the countryside, with an extremely high risk of setting homes on fire, trees ablaze, and even immolating American citizens.
To further confuse the situation and frighten our nation simultaneously, organic salts, aluminum and iron flakes, titanium powders, and gunpowder – all extremely poisonous to be consumed, by the way – will be laced throughout the vehicles for delivery, causing large bangs, high pitched whistles, and hissing and sizzling sounds scientifically engineered in a laboratory to terrify animals, small children and distract the population of America. Additional chemicals are added to cause bright colors that will obstruct our vision and prevent us from seeing the truth.
Don’t be complacent, America! Be vigilant against these people determined to strip us of our rights, our liberties, and our dignity! Report any suspicious characters carrying large bags, rolling around giant crates, or anyone loading anything explosive onto barges or trucks. Report all incidents immediately to your local authority or be a true American and make a citizen’s arrest!
However, if you don’t have the spine nor the American blood coursing through your veins to stand up to these traitors to our American Way, just lay back and enjoy the fireworks instead.