Overheard at the Avitable Camp for Wayward Women

Please enjoy the following conversation* as overheard by yours truly at my house. I have changed names to protect the innocent. Well, not the innocent. The victims of ridiculousness.

Drunken shenanigans, 2 AM sandwich artistry, and Michelangelo's David's penis boxers. Such is my life. #comiclife #living #with #strippers

Eve: I’m drunk.

Peach: I’m hungry.

Eve: We should make lasagna!

Peach: Yesss! With garlic bread and a salad!

Eve: And strawberry shortcake for dessert!

Peach: Shit. We don’t have any noodles. Or meat. Or tomato sauce. Or strawberries. Or anything.

Eve: We have bread! Let’s just make garlic bread.

Peach: Yeah, just use the toaster oven.

Eve threatens to stab me for taking a photo of her naked with a mask on

Five minutes pass

Eve: Done! 

Peach: Want to go on the porch and smoke?

Eve: Sure.

Eve smokes and dresses like a weird hobo

Ten minutes pass

Eve: Oh shit we burned the bread!

Peach: Damn it! Well, we have mac and cheese we can make.

Eve: Okay. 

Peach: By the way, you pooped this morning and didn’t flush the toilet.

Eve: My bad! You left your vibrator in the shower yesterday.

Peach: Oh shit – I’m sorry! I hope Adam’s not listening.

Eve: It’s okay. Let’s let that boil.

Peach: Smoky smoky weedy weedy time!

Going out with the girls to Bahama Breeze

Fifteen minutes pass

Eve: Oh shit we ruined the mac and cheese!

Peach: Fuck. Want to order pizza?

Eve: Yeah, I guess.

Peach: Okay.

Lanie, the original wayward woman

Thirty minutes pass

Eve: Did we ever order pizza?

Peach: Shit.

*not an actual conversation, but a representative amalgam of conversations that happen regularly in my home.

This is part of a series in which I will attempt to write something every single day of 2016. Will I be able to do it? You’ll only know if you subscribe using the form below!

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